A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been single for 2 months now and I am dying to meet someone but have historically had tough luck meeting girls I like. I have been with some really attractive girls but literally all my relationships have been short and ended in disaster.I am 30, have a great job, drive a very nice car, have my own apartment, dress and look nice but I can't seem to find or attract women. Most women that know me from work or acquaintances always say I am hot so I am lost as to why I have so much trouble. My personality isn't bad either so that can't be attributed to that.It seems like it's a revolving door, I go out with a girl, start really liking her and start developing feelings to only lose her a few months later and retreat to my sulking at home with no interest in doing anything. I don't like bars and clubs and my only hobby is playing basketball and soccer so meeting chicks is at a premium. Also, while I don't have a problem approaching girls I don't know, I feel it's not the best idea to get dates.Comments and suggestions are appreciated. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): You present yourself as a "good catch", but in some ways, that might very well put some women off if you literally present yourself this way.
For instance, when a guy says "I've been with some really attractive girls" that's a red flag to me that physical attributes in a woman are important to you and perhaps too important. Your history of dating attractive women isn't a deal breaker necessarily, but it tells me you might treat a woman like arm candy rather than a partner.
The job, the apartment, and the nice car are all nice things to have, but why would any woman rationally be interested in them? They should be interested in you. Surely you have more to offer than that?
If you identify yourself through these things it might turn women off. For instance I have a tendency to avoid men who spend a lot of money on a car...it always makes me feel like they're compensating for some insecurity or they're trying too hard to impress people.
Present yourself through your interests and beliefs, not your possessions and stats. That could go a long way in finding a woman you might like. For instance, I've met men playing soccer or going to the gym. (You're right, the ratio of men to woman is high for sure, but it does happen.)
2 months is not a long time to be single. Another thing that might help is a little patience and introspection. Why not spend some time analyzing why things went wrong? That way you might gain some insight into the sort of women you should go after and the sort you should avoid in the future.
And lastly, don't be afraid to pursue a woman who interests you. As it stands, you are only seeing the woman who approach you and you miss out on the others. Ultimately, people (and you) date because they're lonely and they want companionship, not because they want a someone with a nice job, a nice car, and an apartment.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (7 March 2011):
 Have you tried online? Often you'll go on a lot of bad dates before you end up on a good one, but it's one option to you since you aren't a fan of the typical avenues.
Another good place to meet people is in a class. Maybe take up a language, and see if the tech school near you offers classes. They are often cheap and a good opportunity to meet and talk to people. Or maybe join a volunteer group. Depending on the group, you can often get a good mix of people.
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