A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Pls take the time to read my story. I am in a lot of pain.Pls help me. I am really upset. Please :'(I have loved her for 4 years. We started uni 4 years ago together. I am a Pakistani and she is too. I fell in love with her. She did not love me. I made her say yes to me after a lot of efforts. The next year was a year of her intense flirting. She flirted with other guys in front of me. I was broken. The next year she accepted that she never loved me but said yes just to make me happy.In this 2nd year of relation she still flirted with guys. There were a lot of fights. Whenever I tried to touch her or kiss her, she would say something extremely hurting like "When you kiss my hands, it feels like a thorn".The next year she became close to me. She let me have sex with her. This was with her own choice and idea. We were by then in a somewhat strong bond. Till then the discussion of my immigration to USA had started. However in between these times, she still had secret conversations with those old guys. There were occasional fights over it too. Also she would call me a RAPIST that stole her virginity from her. But at the same time she would go with me in hotel rooms for sex and after that, again in a fight, she would call me a rapist. Now the 4th year, a month ago, my immigration for USA got confirmed. I told her. She cried a lot and showed extreme love and attachment and that her world is desserted with my departure. And it seemed to me that she is really crazy for me now. She wants me she loves me. I gave her the promise of marriage again as I had been giving for 3 years and came here, USA for a better life.Now 2 weeks have passed. In 1st 3 to 4 days she came online, had a video conversation and showed extreme grief of my absence and extreme love to me.But then she misbehaved with me the 5th day, deleted me from her facebook account. However the next day she added me back and I made her say sorry to me with a lot of effort. She mostly, does not appologizes for her mistakes and the pain she gives me.My friends back there tell me that she has become extremely attached with me after my departure. She is really in love with me now. But I am totally confused. She is doing things that show a different picture. Today she asked me to use remote assistant software as she was having a difficulty in using a software that i know so I helped her. When I accessed her computer, those older guys were in her skype contact list. She has always told me that she made a skype account just for me. Also 4 days before my flight, we had an extreme fight on valentine's day due to the issue of her adding one of her older guys to facebook who used to divert her from me. It ruined the whole day. That day she came online and said "I have found a new man who I will marry me now. This is his number and see who he is." I called at the number and that was the same guy on whom the fight was. A few minutes later he texted me and threatened me if ever I fought and misbehaved with her again, he will come to face and beat me. I asked her about this and she said "Now bark, are you afraid of him. What can you do now???" But afterwards it was resolved as she broke down on my departure.She has never promised that she will stand against the world to marry me, she has not told anything about this relationship to her parents and family. She cried like a desperate bitch when I was leaving for USA and said "We will have video conferencing everyday." But today she said that we will just have a little chatting but no video conferencing. Is every of her feeling so temporary? What should I do? She misbehaves, she ignores me, put me to wait on skype, turns off the camea, I call 50 times and she drops 50 times and then goes offline and I with full tears in my eyes and each scene of my uni days with her, open this website for help. What is she up to? HAve I been used just to carry her books all the day so that she does not feel tired? To get her things to eat all the time so that she remains healthy?I have talked to her. She changes for 10 minutes but again I find something cocky like today's skype list and it starts all over. Please help me. I have loved her so honestly. So deeply and have always received sadness in return. Am I going to be ditched?As a reaction of her ignoring behavior and misbehaving, If I get involved with a girl here, will it be cheating? Please help me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou to all those who have answered, there are some other points I want to highlight here.
Tell me is it wrong or illegal to seduce your boyfriend on the webcam? She, with a smile agreed to do it 2 days back and last night she started cursing me that you make me feel like a slut and started undressing herself in protest. After my repeated requests to put on clothes, she put them on and I asked her very politely that baby, seducing your boyfriend who loves you so much makes you feel like a slut???
She confidently said: Yes it does. I dont want to do it. I hate it.
I even talked about that she was so emotional when I was leaving and now she behaves altogether opposite. She seemed to realize it but again she starts it .....
A guy who pretented to be my friend when I was in Pakistan is now diverting her from me by telling her that I am an athiest and she should not be with me. We had been having a lot of arguments over religion for a year now. I am an athiest and she is a commited Muslim with rigid voilent thoughts that Islam promotes (like Jihad that means killing the rest of the world for domination and dogma like we are the best people). I have always tried to correct her thoughts but like always FAIED.
My only question is that if I start moving on and some girl accidently gets involved with me (which is impossible cause I am an unattractive worthless boy), it will be ME who will be called a cheater back there in my friends and my mates. It is always the guy that is blamed. They will say that you went to USA and got a white chick, you didn't find her attractive anymore and you cheated and stuff like that. You used her. I am certain about these things to some extent because she has already said it twice like "Yeah I know that right now, no girl spits on you in USA. But when someone will, you are so desperate that you will sleep with her"
That is what I am going to get. This will be the punishment of moving on. And as far as I know myself, I won't touch any girl except her. Even the thought of it makes me cry. I am so devoted to her :'(
Why can't she be crazy for me :'(
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): She is not that into you...This is what you get when you pressure someone into a relationship they dont really want...she probably gave in to you due to pressure rather than a genuine desire to be in a relationship...It happens,some people also pressure partners into marriage ....I think determine for yourself if this is really the type of relationship you want, my guess is you already know the answer to that....All the best
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A
female
reader, AlwaysHereToHelp!  +, writes (7 March 2011):
 Hello :)
Wow i am susprized you have stayed with her so long from what i have been told she sounds like she is only out to hurt you.
I would of giving up on this girl along time ago, especially after all the things she has said.
It appears to me thata she doesnt really no how a reltionship works as in a relotionship you are both there for eachother and comprmise with eachothers wishes and desires it seems with her she only cares about what she wants and not what you want.
Perhaps the reason why she is like this is because she is just afriad of being alone, sometimes this can happen with people, but she treats you like dirt and no one deserves to be treated like that.
Tell her on the phone in person or what ever suits you is that you cant live with all this the way how she can be so loveing and affectnate one second and the next have a complete change of personailty, tell her the filrting needs to stop with guys on the internet and off the internet.
if she refuses to help or change her ways i think its best you let her goo. i know its hard as you love her but you might want her but trust me you dont need her she just drags you down. she may well cry and be upset but dont give in because she will just make you feel terrible.
And if you get a new girl in america while you are still in a reltionship yes that would be cheating, end it with her first before you look around for someone else
Hope this helps ;)
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A
female
reader, girlwhoneedshelp +, writes (7 March 2011):
 I don't think you should wait to be ditched. I think you should ditch her. She is not the only woman on the planet even though it seems that way because you love her. She has used you for the past 4 years because she knows how deeply you feel about her. Saying that you stole her virginity from her when it was entirely consensual is one of the nastiest things I have ever heard.
To me you sound like a really genuine and loving person and you deserve a genuine and loving girl. Not someone who makes you feel bad for loving them. It will be hard but you need to forget about her. You need to stop talking to her and move on with your life. Time is a great healer. You will get over this and you will feel better. Trust me, a lot of people have been mistreated as you have. Me included. Right now you feel your absolute worst but keep forgiving because you love her. But what do you love about her? The way she makes you feel? The way she treats you and others? She is not worthy of your love and it's time you realised that and did something about it because you're missing out on the person who deserves you.
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A
female
reader, viona +, writes (7 March 2011):
Look, this gurl is not for you ..she had sex with you because she wanted to..not because she loves you. she comes to you only when she sees the universe is black and nobody to trust..she cheated on you and hurted you..what are you waiting for??? to see her in bed with someone else...she is guaranteeing a good man to be husband if she didn find anyone to keep his commitment with her as she is flirty with another..when you were writing this post didnt you see that she isnot suitabe at all to be anything in your life...she is acting..you 'll meet another gurls who really appreciate you as a lover and a person..she called you rapist just to make you feel guilt and that you take her virginity to keep sticking to her..because she was pure and you are the only one who had sex with her..we are marvelous in doing this stuff..but u just opened the way for others..try to treat her harshly she 'll be attracted to you more..ignore her she will love you..leave her then..she doesnt deserve your immortal loveee
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): Hello,
You cannot be ditched because you have never really had her. You love her but she doesn't feel the same way and to be honest, she does not sound like a very nice girl at all. She does not treat you well.
Enjoy you new life in the USA and meet someone who will be nice to you ALL the time, not just when she feel like it.
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (7 March 2011):
 The woman you desribe here is a bitch and borderline psychotic from the sound of it. So please listen well to me now.
She never loved you and never will. Not because you are not a good man, or a successful man, or a loving man, but because she is damaged in her soul and in her head. She can not love anyone but herself. She was just using you all that time for what you could do for her, and buy for her, and because it made her feel good to have you follow her around like a little puppy.
And yes she cried when you left, but those tears were not for you, they were for herself because she knows she will never find anyone else she can control and order around as well as she did you. She felt like she could beat you with a stick and you would still roll over for her and fetch and whatever else she wanted you to do.
This woman is pure poison and you should feel very lucky that you escaped from her. Please cut her off immediately like the cancer she is before she poisons the rest of your life in America.
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