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female
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anonymous
writes: I've been living with my boyfriend for 2 years. We've had our ups and downs, but for the most part, we were so happy together. Towards the end of our relationship we get in a huge fight of something small of course. I tell him...fine....just move out. So he does. But the weeks before he actually moved out, we were still on talking terms, things were semi-normal. We talk about all of our issues, most of not being trusted. He also said I was controlling. I was more than happy to work on this to save our relationship. But then gradually, the phone calls were less and less. The month after he moved out, I get our cell bill and there's been calls to one number late at night. I confronted him about it and he tells me that it's his friend and they are talking about boyfriend/girlfriend problems to each other. I've accepted that. A few weeks go by and we agree that maybe we should go thru counseling. I get another cell bill and this time, the phone calls to that one number are EVERY night, late at night, and for several hours! So I confront him again and AGAIN he tells me they are JUST FRIENDS. I just can't believe him at this point. So he calls the counseling off and that was it. He called me once after, crying to me and telling me that he wants to work things out, but I still can't believe him about her just being friends. I am stuck thinking about him ALL the time. I want to get over him, but at the same time I want our relationship back. I don't know what to believe! I wish he would just prove me wrong and things would be back to normal. I really don't know what to do at this point. Should I call him and tell him how I'm feeling or just leave it like it is right now?
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female
reader, angle_eyes10 +, writes (23 November 2005):
Hi, from reading your question, id say that you would like to get back with him, but not if things stay the same. I think the counseling was a good idea. It shows how important you both feel the realtionship is to you. Maybe you should have a "make or break" conversation with him. dont argue, try to be as relaxed as possible. Try to work out what you would like to say before hand, that way you know what you want to say without repeating yourself. say that you feel uncomfortable with him phoning "his mate" late at night and for the lenght of time he does it for.( which i think is understandable. It could be all innocent so keep this in mind and dont accuse him of cheating). If you feel comfortable with him having female friends, then say so, as long as he dosnt call them all hours of the night for several hours. Im sure he wouldnt like it of it was the other way around! I believe most relatuonships deserve a second chance, but you have to have trust for the foundations, without trust you have nothing. Trust can be gained, so you may need time for this. If you both really want it to work it will. But there may come a time when you say enough is enough. noone deserves to be cheated on and to go through stress, hope this helps.x
A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (23 November 2005):
 It feels terrible, I know. I bet you wish none of it had happened. A similar thing happened to me, my ex lied to me and was catching up with someone he called "just a friend". He told me later and went off with her. I know this is probably not what you want to hear but its better you look at the problem from all sides before you make a mistake. Even if you get back with him, will this always be hanging over your head, wondering who it is when the phone rings? He has broken your trust and if you think you can give that trust back to him, fine, if not, walk away. You deserve better.
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