A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Three months ago, my boyfriend of 7yrs left me. We lived together for 5 of those years. I found out that two weeks after he moved out, he was already dating someone else. Even though we broke up, we still communicated , thru txts, nearly everyday. Lately he began telling me that he missed me,that he still cared about me and asked if we could meet and talk face to face. He even asked if we could go to couseling together. I told him, I would only agree to his requests...if he broke off all ties with his girlfriend. He agreed. Later he asked if we could talk to our families about getting back together again. I really thought he wanted to reconsil with me. We had been even sexting, and sending nude pics to one another. I just found out that he has not broken up with his girlfriend. That he has been playing us both. I was so hurt! I really thought we were going to work things out. I thought...well i sure as hell dont want him back now! I would never trust him again. So why should he have any happiness in his life. So I sent her an e-mail and told her she deserved to know the truth about her boyfriend and that she should know what he has been doing. She demanded to see the proof. So I sent her the nude pics he sent me of himself, and fowarded the txts that showed our plans of getting back together. I feel awful now. I cant believe a stooped so low. Should i have done this?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): You did the right thing, this isn't revenge, it is protecting another person who is being treated the same way that you are.
If two people are in a ditch and it is caving in on them, but only one person knows, and doesn't tell the other and climbs out alone, everyone will say "what a selfish act".
But, in a relationship like this, where a "player" is "playing" two people, and one knows and climbs out, far to many people think "you shouldn't tell" the other person, just leave them in the ditch.
Really, it doesn't make sense.
You did the right thing.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): You did what you thought you had to do. And to be honest, I'd do it too. 7yrs is a long time to be together. You were hurt. He was an ass who played you. You got even. Move on. Seek professional counseling because it works it helps!!!! and SN---don't text nude pics of yourself ever again!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): You did not stoop low . Remember your bf of 7 yrs was cheating on you with her. All u did was provide her with proof that he is indeed a scroundrel.
You should not feel guilty. After all the info gave her was not lies but the truth.
LoveGirl
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): I'm not so sure whether you should have done it or not, but what I believe is that you should not feel bad about it. Maybe your intentions were slightly revengeful, but heck! you are human! And this guy is pretty low, playing with someone's feelings being perfectly aware of what he was doing....he deserved much worse.
So what if you showed your weakness a little?! You should not be ashamed of being vulnerable. You were hurt. Don't be ashamed of your feelings. Be proud of them. Just don't feel guilty. What you did is like slapping somebody on the face with an open hand after he's punched you with an iron fist
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): We sometimes do things when we have been hurt that maybe wasn't right. Perhaps you should have just given him hell and left her out of it. Anyway, he is a waste of space. Have nothing to do with him. Certainly do not start texting etc. To treat you in this shabby way shows he has little respect for you or his new girlfriend.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (18 December 2010):
 It's done. Quit holding yourself accountable. I would say yes and no. Yes because you may have saved her from being with someone that is less than what she deserves, but no because of the intent that you stated. You said you did it because he doesn't deserve happiness. Any why not? When you thought you'd reconcile, did you feel that way? Knowing what your answer may be there, I'd say you did what you did only because the outcome was not what you wanted. In that direction, you were being vengeful and your intent was malicious. In this intent, it wasn't about caring that the other girl find someone better, it was based on hurting your ex, and that is not okay.
You were with a player. That's it. Being with a player has nothing to do with who you are, or what you deserve. It was only a choice in someone that who he is, is not what you deserve in your life. I want you to now stop thinking he doesn't deserve to be happy, because when you focus on that you are taking away from who you are and your own happiness. You know this because your question is stated where your actions went against the core of your being. This is not who you are. This act happened, but does not change who you are, because if it had, you would not feel the guilt of what you did. It's one of those lessons that if you could do over again.
The part where I said it's okay is that what you did state to the other girl was truthful. She's with someone who would lead her to being hurt down the road as well. From that end, you were just in what you did. Will it hurt him? Who knows. I can almost bet if she dumps him, it won't be long before he has a couple more that he's playing, but there would be two that he no longer is.
I want you to focus on you now, and your happiness. You deserve better, and will find better. Stop wasting your time even thinking about someone who just plays people. You could be focusing on so much more that will help you be happy and find closure.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 December 2010):
 No you should not have.
It was your responsibility to make sure that he had cut all ties with the other woman before you engaged with him in any kind of erotic activity .Tons of people tell you just what you want to hear - buyer beware.
Plus, "the best revenge is living well ", you may have obtained a temporary sense of satisfaction but you have also shown your ex how much he has affected you and hurt you, and how much power he has on you.
But, what is done is done, so stressing about it now it will not serve any practical purpose.
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