A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband has problems telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. We've been married 21 years and the amount of lies he's told is astounding. Sometimes it's about stupid things like if his dog used the bathroom in the house, sometimes he leaves out facts or just doesn't tell me things therefore lying by omission. He's had several sexual encounters, trips to strip clubs, jack shacks and at least one time at a "massage parlor", all of which he lied about for years then when the confessions started coming they all contained lies or wasn't the whole truth. All of this has left me very hurt and resentful and untrusting. I only want the truth and all of it. I'm willing to work through anything and will accept him regardless of what he's done if he will just come clean and be 100% honest. I need the truth to put all of these questions to rest in my head. I've told him this and he gets very angry saying I only want to fight and why can't I leave the past alone, he was young and stupid, he's not the same person, etc etc etc. yet he still tells fibs. How can I get him to understand it's ruining our relationship and my feelings for him? It's getting to where I dread and don't want to be intimate with him because my head is filled with questions. I'm angry all the time. I can't believe anything he tells me. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 September 2012):
 Let's look at the most-important sentence of your submittal. To wit: "How can I get him to understand it's ruining our relationship and my feelings for him?"
You can't. HE has made it perfectly clear that he doesn't give a darn if his dalliances are "ruining (your) relationship"..... or give a darn about your feelings....
I'm sorry to report to you that this charade-of-a-marriage started being over when he told his first lie to you... and has proceeded downhill since....
Your ONLY question, now, is this one: How long are you going to put up with his B/S before you decide to dump his sorry a*s?
Good luck....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI keep hoping, maybe that's why I hang on. Almost all of his dalliances have been years ago, 10-15 or more. That I know of anyway. The massage parlor was almost a year ago but we were separated and he claims it didn't work. Couldn't keep it up is what he says. There are just so many things, my mind constantly swims about. Even if they were years ago, the fact that he was untruthful makes it hard to believe he's honestly, completely faithful now. Had I gotten honesty from the beginning I could have dealt with it and buried it. Now I just obsess. All the things he's "confessed" to have left me feeling stupid and blind. I'm still afraid to go out of town to even visit my parents because I'm terrified of what he'll do while I'm gone that I won't find out about until years later when it's too late to do anything. He refuses counseling and gets scary angry when it's suggested. I love him and other than his trivial fibs he is a very loving, good husband
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 September 2012):
 he sounds like my ex husband... man is incapable of telling the truth about anything.... you won't be able to get him to come clean, he's told the lies so often they are the truth to him now...
I can tell you from experience that you will never trust him.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 September 2012):
I've got to be honest - I can't see why you're still with him. You're never going to get the truth out of him, because he's behaved so badly that the truth will destroy your relationship anyway. He's never going to be honest, he'll never tell you what happened, and you'll never get what you want which is the truth. Even if he did tell the truth, you probably wouldn't recognize it anyway, because he's lied so much.
Why on earth are you putting up with this?
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