A
female
age
30-35,
*riya2014
writes:SORRY FOR MY bad ENGLISH.... I met my boyfriend one year ago,it was a rebound relationship, I was so much attached to him, we used to talk 7-8 hours in day. He used to tell me he wants to marry me, but we both belongs to conservative families where caste matters a lot, my parents are poor, by facing many hardships they raised me and sent me to a very good college, so it was quite clear that we can never get married to each other due to inter caste , we both are very much attached to our parents. But we decided till we get married to some other people we will be together so that we can have some good memories of each other. But it created lot of insecurities in my mind,he was cool with this idea, I lost my virginity to him, but I didn’t bleed so he doubted on me but i clarified everything . He have trust issues. he is very insecure and controlling.Most of my friends are guys so he was very insecure, so he forced me that if I have him why I need to talk to other guys, I am not a good girlfriend, I am not satisfied with him, so I keep on cheating on him by talking with other guys, but it was not true, they all were my friends I never cheated on him. But I never blamed him because I was so much attached to him, I never wanted to leave him. whenever he used to spend more times with his friends, it always made me upset, deep down I always knew that this behavior of mine is not healthy, so I tried to change myself so that he can have his space, so slowly slowly I started giving him his space, but still he was not at all working on himself, he was so insecure, he used to abuse me verbally everyday whenever my phone was busy, because I hardly get time in day so in night only I used to call my friends. Whenever I tried to left him he blamed me that I am leaving him all alone, his exams are coming and he can,t study, I am making his life miserable, he was with me in my bad times after my break up but I am not supporting him, but it was not true, I know i was suffering from emotional attachment problem but still I supported him for four months when he was alone in spite of the fact that he used to abuse me every day, he was so possessive , it affected my study badly, I am still studying and dependent on parents, our financial condition is also not good, so sometimes it makes me feel so guilty, that I am cheating on my parents , they have high expectation from me , I am not caring about my parents at all, we are in long distance relationship, we met only twice in one year, this time he wanted to meet me, but I put a condition that from now on we will not going to have sex, as we are very clear that we don,t have future together, so it will hurt me in long run, I only want to spend time with him, he called me old fashioned and he refused to come, he said he wants everything from me, love, sex ,care, he don,t want any condition, but I am not ready for these thing. Finally I broke up with him, but I don,t know why I still miss him. I still blame my self for everything, I still think I was abusive he was not, I made him abusive, my emotional behavior, my life problems made him abusive.
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broke up, his ex, insecure, long distance, lost my virginity Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2012): Let him go, you deserve better. He used you. He knew that he had no intention of ever marrying but he still took your virginity. Why does he want to continue to see you and sleep with you and yet not amrry you - thats your answer - he has no respect for you and your feelings.
I would study hard and make my parents proud as they deserve to know that all the acrifices they made for you have paid off.
The pain will go away and you will feel better. Just dont dwell in the past and look forward to a bright future without this loser.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2012): I know how it feels, but dont worry, please don't blame yourself, you were not wrong, havent done any mistake. Your ex was a bad person, he used and abused you for his own desires. He seems to be an insecure, abusive guy. Forget about him ( I know it's not that easy)Move on. Focus on your self, concentrate on your studies, support your parents. They are the real people in your life, don't let them down. Hope you will meet someone soon who is more deserving.Good luck !
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (30 September 2012):
I have a friend who also blame herself for the things her ex-boyfriend did. I know her for 3 years and she is still blaming herself and he is somewhat in her life. He still calls and abuses her. There is nothing I can do for her. It is up to her and you to realize that you are not to blame, the ex was not an animal with uncontrollable feelings.
I think in this case your ex was just a bad person. Perhaps even more so because you both knew that there was no future so maybe this brought out some bad feelings. But there is no excuse for him to treat a lady like dirt when you have done nothing wrong. Everyone deserves respect and love.
The relationship has caused you to lose focus on yourself and your balance in life. You need to regain your respect by working hard at what you do. You will miss him because he is all you know and the only one you have shared this type of relationship with. Do not recycle the past memories. You can repeat them in your head a million times but you will not find any justification or other meaning. Try to move on by finding the strength in yourself again. Soon will come a time when you meet someone who is more deserving. Such is life these things do happen, but we can not blame ourselves for it achieves nothing.
Good luck
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