A
male
age
30-35,
*irage
writes:Hey. A couple of years ago, I started talking to a girl that was in my class. She was in a relationship with a very controlling and hurtful guy. I somehow became the person she turned to everytime she felt bad, or was hurt by the guy she went out with. A year later they broke up for the final time. Now Ive been in love with her since our relationship became close. Recently, she asked me how I felt about her. I told her I loved her, probably a mistake. And she said she couldn't love me, because I was like her big brother. I...cannot keep waiting for years for her to come to me. I cannot bear the thought of seeing her with someone else. I don't know what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): Mate,
I've been in a simliar situation myself and I can appreciate how difficult it is.
I agree with the advice on keeping busy, exercise is a great way of doing this I found, as well as having it's uses! Perhaps staying away will have it's uses but just enough so that you don't lose her as a friend.
Stop looking for her, or girls in general perhaps and just be yourself. You'll find that a guy who doesn't pine for girls is the one that is most attractive, the independent one.
I can understand how it may all seem stupid to see now but believe me, time does heal.
Keep going, keep busy and don't let it bring you down. This situation you're in has no right to ruin your life, you are your own person and you can move on.
Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): Agree with the advice given below! This may have to be a 'love' that you will have to work out from afar. Unrequited love is a painful place to be and many of us have been there. So we feel your hurt. There is nothing you can do if this girl you love is not reciprocating. The best you can do is recover and someday, try to find someone else you can like who responds to your feelings for them. But this female you love, is not the one.
It's time to look after yourself and back away. It will hurt for a bit, but in time you will heal and recover. Time is what you need. And please, always remember what's good about you. Sometimes people going through this heartache, may be really down on themselves, exaggerating their quirks and faults as though they did something to deserve the unhappiness they're experiencing. If you find this happening to you, nip it in the bud! Keep reminding yourself of your good qualities, and if you can't think of them because your broken heart is clouding your view, get your friends to help you remember what's good about you.
And another thing, keep yourself busy. Sometimes this is difficult when you're coping with sadness, but it really helps. This is a great time to focus on other friends and find other things to do. That doesn't mean you shouldn't think about what happening-working things through in our minds is all part of the healing process-it just means you should focus on other things, too. It takes time for sadness to go away. Almost everyone thinks they won't feel normal again, but the human spirit is amazing! You will get there.
And, take great comfort in knowing that everything passes. It means that if you are sad, you won't always be sad. Indeed, there is something very reassuring in knowing that, whatever it is, however hard it seems, the hurt of unrequited love will pass. Try your best to work this through and accept this. So be patient with yourself, and let the healing begin. Good luck and take care of yourself.
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (9 June 2010):
 I'd agree that staying away is probably best. Otherwise you're opening yourself up to being used. Not used in a mean sense, but being that shoulder to cry on without the benefit of reciprocated feelings.
You now need to evaluate your feelings. Do you think you can be friends with her and not keep hoping for the day she comes around? If not, you need to tell her your feelings for her are too strong, and you don't think you can be around her anymore. That you care for her, but it hurts you to think of her with others, so you need your distance.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): i dont want to hurt your feelings as i know how you feel but from it seems she sounds as though she likes the attention from you as she has asked how do you feel about her. she may not want to hurt you but she has. the best thing to do yu need to decide whether to continue being there for her and you may get hurt or explain to her you canot remain friends because of the way you feel about her. Good luck
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (9 June 2010):
 There is not much you can do, she sees you like her big brother. You are in the friend list and believe me when your in love this is not the list you want to be in. All you can do is be there as a friend if you choose to stay close. You already told her how you feel and she does not reciprocate your feelings. I would suggest you stay away if it hurts you to see her with another.
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