A
female
age
30-35,
*b89
writes:So before you judge me, let me just say that the guy I am with now is not a rebound. I really do care for him, and I guess you could say that I love him, but there is always this empty feeling with him. He doesn't feel like my ex. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend of about 4 years(long distance towards the end) at the end of February 2010. This was because my boyfriend, whom lives in England, wanted me to leave the states for the summer to live with him so we could give each other a real shot and frankly I wasn't ready for that. While I was visiting him in December 2009/2010, we had a magnificent time together and my feelings were stronger than ever so I agreed to him that I would consider staying with him for the entire summer. One day on the phone he was pressuring me to do things I needed to do in order to go there, (i.e. get a visa) I couldn't stand all the pressure he was putting on my back so I told him I'm no longer coming; he couldn't handle it and in response he told me that I was a bitch, and that he hoped I died. This hasn't been the only time he has had a fit and used words like this towards me, so for me that was the final straw. I broke up with him for good that day. There has been many many times where I have said it was over, but this time I knew I was simply fed up. He is 5 years older than me. I am 20 living at home with my parents, still in school, and he is 25 with a serious job. He thought it was be more legitimate for me to come there, because if he came here he would never be able to find a good job and because I have don't have a serious lifestyle as of yet. While this may be true, I have went to England two times in a row to see him, and I think it should have been his turn instead of him pressuring me to go there. A few days after we broke up he called me very upset apologizing for what he had said but I did not accept. I wasn't ready to leave the states to live with him in the summer. I have no social circle there, or money, only him and I feel like I would be trapped in a sense. He lived in the states for 2 years and has friends here so it would be easier for him to make his way here for the summer instead of me. Also, it worries me he would have proposed and then if I said no then how awkward would it be? the list goes on. The main problem is is that I still love him and he was my perfect guy. Our chemistry was unmatchable and our conversation was always interesting. My heart felt warm with him and he treated me like I was gold(most of the time) Will these feelings of longing go away? It is so frustrating because I can't tell if I really still love him or I'm just bored because I can't see him. All I do is think about him, I miss him so much and as much as I tell myself he's not for me, I just think about how he is in so many ways. Not going to lie his England accent doesn't make the break up any easier(hehe) I am so scared that I'll never fall in love like that again. Was I right to end it? If your boyfriend/girlfriend told you they hope you died because you didn't want something they did would you cut it off with them? Advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
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broke up, living at home, money, my ex, trapped Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): My ex left me and I treated her like a princess. There have been soo many times where I wish I had told her to go to hell and die but never did. Hopefully that works in my favor but regardless words can simply be words. He was mad and due to his emotions he wasn't using his head but rather expressed his anger. He apologized for it, that's what counts.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): Hello,
After your break up did you, or he make any contact? If neither of you haven't maybe you should see how's he's doing etc.
You sound like you care about this new person, but you have a torch for your ex. Have you considered just being single until either you get over your ex, because its unfair to the new man your with,or talk to your ex and tell him how you feel. Maybe he's feeling as you do.
The I wish you'd die statement was very harsh and wrong. I think maybe it was hurt talking. He may have been filled with anticipation and when you mentioned you're not coming it triggered emotions. U clarified he was usually good to you etc.
Good luck
;D
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A
female
reader, lynn1977 +, writes (9 June 2010):
If he treated me like gold most of the time and he said that to me I would blow it off because I knew that he did not mean that. He is just upset because he loves me so much, but that is not a healthy way of dealing with things: telling people that you hoped they died. I would be mad, yes. It sounds like you are still in love with him and you owe it to yourself to explore that further.
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