A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Ok, here it is.I suffer from slight mental health issues. Having been bullied since I was about 10, I have learned to block a lot of things out, but eventually it all gets on top of me, and I have serious breakdowns, to the point where I curl up in a ball on the floor and cry until I make myself sick. I used to self harm, but my mom found out and helped me through it.I've been dating an incredibly guy for over a year now- I've loved him since I was 12, and he's the best thing ever to happen to me. We are so sure of how we feel, we want to grow up and get married and have children, the whole shaboom (I know it sounds immature, but you'd understand if you felt the same way as us. He makes me laugh and smile like I never have before. I couldn't get by without him! We're happy just to be together or talk on the phone, I could never get bored of him, and we'll never run out of things to talk about).The problem is, that I get on amazingly well with his mom (my family think it's because she doesn't have any daughters) to the point where she hugs me, calls me baby girl and kisses my forehead, his 2 little brothers cuddle up to me on the sofa and kiss me on the cheek before they I go home/they go to bed, and when I stopped over once, the littlest climbed into bed with me on the morning for a cuddle.But his Dad HATES me. He calls me horrible names behind my back, which my boyfriend tells me about, because we believe that if someone in wither family or friendship group doesn't like other one, we should tell each other, so that we can attempt to rectify the situation.His dad has tried to tell him to leave me, that I am a slag, a bully (I mentioned earlier that I've been bullied since I was 10, I could NEVER inflict that on someone else), and suggests other girls that he could date.I just want his dad to like me- I am always nice and polite to him, I thank him when he drives me home, and tell him that his cooking is delicious.I really don't know what to do, any advice on how to get his dad to like me, at least slightly more would be appreciated.The situation now is slowly taking me towards one of my breakdowns, which is affecting my school work. I'm doing my GCSEs at the moment, so I could really do without this. I can't be without my boyfriend, but I can't carry on having his dad talk about me in this way.Thankyou.
View related questions:
bullied, immature Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (22 October 2010):
 His dad- under his own roof has the right to express his own opinion in private... your boyfriend's made this problem for you. You cant control who likes you and who doesn't, its impossible for everyone to like you so just leave it... you'll drive yourself insane otherwise.
A
female
reader, glassblower  +, writes (22 October 2010):
 How rude! I sincerely hope that he is naturally an ass and not trying to interfere with your relationship. However, I suggest that you ask your boyfriend to stop passing his commentary along - unless it's positive - and focus on your relationship with your boyfriend, not his father. There is no need to impress someone who mistreats you, and his actions suggest that he is a bully just like those ones you faced earlier. Spend more time at your house or at your boyfriend's when his father is not home. Good luck on your GCSEs dear! Best of luck:) xoxo glassblower
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): Does the father treat his wife and ok? Maybe he is just an ass. You could always just ask him directly what his problem is. The problem is that no matter how good of a person you are, someone will always dislike you. It's just part of life. It's tough, but you have to learn not to let it get to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 October 2010):
 I think it is a mistake to have your boyfriend tell you everything his father says. It is NOT always better to have comments passed along and in this case, it only hurts you more and more. You know now he is not a big fan of yours, there's no point in piling on more negative information, okay?
My suggestion for now is to spend less time at his house, and more time at your own, and apply your energy toward your school work. Get through the GCSEs, then revisit the situation with his dad.
The sad truth in life is that not everyone is going to like you and to be your fan. It's possible that your boyfriend has exaggerated or misunderstood his father's comments about you. It's also possible his father is a dreadful idiot who is mean and nasty. For now, stop trying to fix the situation and simply remove yourself from it. Of course you can still spend time with your boyfriend, but putting yourself around his father is just asking for mental pain, and you know it too.
I would give his dad a chance to miss you and to forget about you for a little while. Continue being polite when you see him but don't expect him to cook for you, drive you around or do a lot of favors for you. Perhaps he's secretly resentful of all the time he has to spend driving you around and has been snotty about it to your boyfriend.
Perhaps your boyfriend should be spending more time at your house and your dad should be the one driving HIM home.
Whatever the cause is, you won't be able to fix it before the GCSEs and you are allowing yourself to be distracted by this.
Tell your boyfriend to keep any comments of his Dad's to himself for now and do not discuss this any more. Give his Dad a month of less time with you and see if things change then.
Good luck. And ask for professional help if you are sinking so low. It's silly to have help at hand and not take advantage of it when you are having mental health issues. Okay? Be smart now.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 October 2010):
 Your boyfriend is not so smart here. His dad cooks for you and drives you home but talks bad behind your back. He is proud and he wants to make sure his son's trophy girlfriend can represent his family. He knows his son is going to tell you this and he hopes that this creates a conflict in between you and break you apart. Your boyfriend is probably being very honest about every detail or your past so his dad is judging you on this. Being honest is good, but you need some privacy. You have to pretend you didn't know about the conversation between dad and son. Be yourself. He never said you couldn't go there again so feel welcome to visit him every time. Believe in your relationship and don't give a damn about what he said. Next time you see his dad, talk to him, look him in the eye and get to know him. Reveal yourself to him. He may be impressed that you have such guts to ignore his past comments about you.
...............................
A
male
reader, 14_And_Shy +, writes (22 October 2010):
What can i say? don't let it get you down! Some people 'frown upon' a lot of things such as gays, lesbians, bisexuals etc, but that shouldn't stop you being who you want to be, and importantly, being WITH who you want to be - if you both want to be with eachother, it's his dad who has the problem, not you two! :)
...............................
|
