A
female
age
51-59,
*rissypro89
writes:I want to make this as short as possible for someone to understand. I don't live an easy life. I know my dear husband loves me a lot and I do love him. We been together for over 13 years and in the beginning it was more downs than ups. I married my husband in jail in 1995. He was suppose to get out in 2001/2002. I knew him from the 80's and I knew one day we would be together. ( I never thought this way) I told him that in 1991 before he went into prison (he was with someone else) I told him I dont know why or when but I feel that you and I will meet up again. He goes what makes you say that I said I dont know. He introduced me to this girl he was with and she was 8 months pregnant this was 7/1991 and he said I am going away to prison for a while. He went to court and pleaded guilty for robbery. ------------------------------------------ I didnt know since I last saw him in 1990 that he was heavily using drugs (dope). He is a very good looking man and you would never think he was a drug addict. He covered it up very well. When I met him in 89 he was married with 2 kids and had his own business and was a good friend. Yeah we fooled around for a bit and that was it. I was young.---------------------- I found him again through his cousin in 1994 and I wrote and he wrote and then we got together a year later. He was still using. He covered it up and lied. We got married in 1996 and another trial came against hime in 1995 and in 97 at trial ( I begged him to take the plea) but he said no because his co-defendant was not there where this other robbery happened. They both got more time ( a lot more)I left in 1999 because I was not happy. Then his 1st love came out from the blue with a lot of $. We fought on the visit, I was so sad, I was trying to hold on because we have this time alone together every 3 months but I said to myself I must leave. This lady and I emailed each other (I was living out of state) working at a good job. She said he still loves you and he never says anything bad about you. He wrote me twice in the year 2000 and said I love you always will but aren't you glad your not my responsiblity anymore and so on. he said he feels very guilty with what happened. I was seeing a few people but my heart didnt stop loving him.-------------------------------------------In November 1999 he overdosed and didnt wake up for 3 days. The doctor told him he had enough in his system to kill 3 grown men. When the doctor left he told me he felt a hand on his heart and he cried and cried and felt Jesus gave him a new chance at life. He has not touched that drug since ...----------------------------------------- In 2001 he told his 1st love that he still loves me and she went nuts of course... He was in the (box) for 1 year then went back in to the box for another year for something that he wasnt involved with... so they really didnt have much closeness on visits. My parents were selling the house moving south and my mom said are you going to come with us .. i said let me think about it.I get a letter actually 4 and cards it was Xmas 2001 he said I was a fool never to be fooled again..We got back together in early 2002 and everything was great. He proved himself that he was over that one telling me what he needed was closure from 1977 when she left him. I understood and we needed that time apart. He needed to stop using and I believed he would.--------------------He has 2 kids with his ex wife. He did not contact them from 1997 to 2002. She went to visit him with his son that was 16. His son wrote him a letter which he gave me saying Dad, when are you coming home. I am waiting for you. His son and his 18 year old daughter did not know about me. The ex never told them. --------------------He didn't want kids with me. Reasons 1. he never been there for his kids not for his ex's two kids and not for his daugther in Florida2. The girl that he introduced me to in 1991 had his daugther who lives in another state and her mom was t he one that was the drug addict who he met after he met me. A very pretty woman but had this problem. he left his family to start using drugs and to do robberies to support his/her habit. So he said i dont even know my daughter from her 3. He's coming home in 5 years and will be 55 when he comes home and said I dont want a 7 year old or 5 year old running around .You and I have to catch up on all the time we missed together. --------------------------Now here is what is bothering me... A few years ago in 2005 I said it is going to be too late when you come home to start a relationship with your kids. Your daugther will be 29 your son 27 and your other daughter will be 25. So he started to write the other daughter. I met her. I flew down to Florida to meet her. This was years ago. Her grand parents that are raising her welcomed me with open arms. She was a very loving child. WE kept in touch but then when I didnt send her money for a birthday or xmas (cause I was broke) she stopped emailing me. My husband wrote to her grandparents saying he tried to help their daugther with the drugs but they were way out of control.She died in 1993 in Florida from an overdose. He was devestated from this. The grandparents sent him adoption papers for their grand daugther and he signed it. he felt it was the best thing. His ex also had 2 kids from her previous relationship so his daugther had 2 brothers to grow up with . God bless those people who raised them to be good kids.------------------------Now his other two children from his ex-wife. They resent me. They wrote me a very bad email 2 years ago saying we better never see you. My father only has one wife (my mother) you will never know my family. So I usually go see him every week and we had planned I would go see him that saturday the email came on thursday and I showed him. He goes I dont know her. I cant believe she would do this but I discovered that all of 2007 and 2008 he was calling their house and speaking to the ex wife. He never told me. Very rarely he told me he spoke to his son. His daugther was away at college. I totally understand that he should call his kids but they were never home. His daugther moved back the end of 2007 and didnt even want to speak to him for a while. She went to see him after 8 years but her and his ex came up when i was with him and they came back the next day. his son sends me an email saying you knew my sister was going to see my dad after so many years of not seeing him and cursing me out. He finally wrote them a 10 pages letter saying my wife is responsible for me breathing. Your taking out your resentment on me towards her. His daugther felt insulted, his ex didnt want to speak to him for 2 months and his mother who lives on the west coast yelled at him (they talk) I dont talk to his mom. She hates me because when I lived in my own apt. in her house after we were married I cheated on him with someone because I was unhappy. I was wrong but he was using drugs and I knew something wasnt right.---------------------------------Last year he kepted on calling over there after he wrote that letter. He hardly tells me when he calls. I feel I should know when he calls and speaks to his kids.He did try with that letter but after that he should have realized that they really dont want to know me after everything I do for him but they do not care so now he keeps that life separate from me. He wrote also in the letter if your mom remarried would I get upset from you calling your stepfather dad. I felt he told his daugther the truth. They seem like trouble makers. ------------------------------He came home from federal prison in 1984 and married her when she got pregnant to their 1st daugther. She was his cousins best friend. He said to me he did the right thing but then met the other girl after me and he left the ex. Back then he was with a lot of women and the ex knew about it. She stayed home with the two little kids. His ex is 7 years older than him. --------------------------Now the calls are more and more. His ex is having a hard time paying her mortgage on her dads home. She put it up for sale. I know she had 2 heart attacks over the years from smoking and his daugther said to me in the email where were you when my mom was in the hospital after her heartattack.----------------------------My husband knows I get upset when he calls and he says I have to accept it. he got hurt a few years back in prison and has a lawsuit and has me on the lawsuit also. He was really hurt by this injury and has to be on medication for the rest of his life.He told me he is going to give his ex wife money for raising the kids by herself something like 10 percent of the settlement. I understand and he should. -----------------------------He knows I discovered when he calls but we have been arguing over and over about it. My friend and I went out last week and she said to me you look very sad. You have sadness in your eyes. She knows him also. She said she wouldnt be upset if he called over there. But she isn't going through this.They resent me, they dont want to meet me and they love it that he keeps them separate from me.His dad past away last year and his dad was so nice to me but now he is making his mom something and has her working on the project for him and she is loving every minute when he calls to go over everything with her. I hate it. I was the one that bought him all the supplies for this project, the glue, paint, letters in gold foil. His daughter He probably never mentions my name. Now i became obsessed in checking out when he calls and every month it is 9 or 10 times. Now his kids are moving out for 3/1 and I want to see how many times he will call his ex in the next few months. During the last minute it says you have 60 seconds when he calls then it says you have 15 more seconds he stays on with her until the last second. I wonder what is being said. He says dont you trust me? If I wanted her back I would be back with her. If she wanted me back she would be back with me. He told me last night she doesn't sound right. She sounds sick and is not doing well. He said she will always be in my life until the day I die. He said actually she will probably go before me so she will be in my life until the day she dies so you have to accept this. I just shut down. I once felt this beautiful feeling I once had for him a while back (before the calls started in 2007) I lost this feeling more last year. I never thought he would think about her again even as a friend this way.I understand he needs someone else to speak with and yes he does call me mostly every night ... He calls there 4 to 7 or 9 times a month.I want to hear what is said so I can move forward. I want to wait for him and to live my life with him in 5 years when he comes home but I feel I can't go on with all this. I feel numb. Left out. His daugther in Florida doesn't even want to know him. He told me last night i can't write her. i am not a good father. I told him write her she wrote you months ago and u didnt write back but your writing your other daughter( which he should) but he said she and my son have been in my life not my daugther in florida. He said I think about this too much and I should get a hobby but I my co worker said ot me you look like you are living with pain every day but it's more sadness that he now has his ex back in his life this way where he said to me back in dec 2001 I will never think about another woman ever again. i was a fool for what I did to you. Even though I know him and her will not get back together I am 99 percent sure I still feel I need to know what those calls are about what can he talk about with her at 1020pm at night on a friday night and then call back for 10 more mintues before he has to go back in. he calls me right after he speaks to her or his kids but never tells me. I know this is very long . I never thought I would live like this. I went to talk to a therapist but that person didn't help. My close friend that knows him said he tried with that letter but he didnt nipp it in the butt after that. He isn't doing his husbandly duties to make you look important. I know many people will say leave or what not but we been together for a very long time and it is hard for me.I can't even go and buy him a valentines card or write him a very loving letter like he wrote me. I just cant anymore.
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best friend, co-worker, cousin, drugs, ex-wife, get back together, got back together, his ex, I love you, in jail, money Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Serenity1 +, writes (13 February 2009):
 Yeah...you're right...you're not wrong for wanting to know, but in MY opinion your going to regret dedicating all of your life to a man who has been in jail most of the time and still associating with his ex wife the entire time.from what i gathered from your story your mind is consumed with this man...and don't get me wrong i'm not judging you...i just don't want you to be like some older people i know including my mother, that dedicate their whole life to a man or men in general...it's sometimes results in a very bitter ending...im not God so i don't know how your situation will turn out, but this guy has to be awfully important for you and his ex to be on him the way you are and he's in prison. i cant' knock you because im in a unfavorable situation myself but im definitely not going to waste years of my life in or on it. it's been 9mon and im already ready to throw in the tile.but to each it's own. my goal is not to sound harsh here or hurt you i just want you to ask yourself is he really worth you being all the way faithful to? since he obviously isn't and hasn't been. i know youv'e been with him for a long time so it's not going to be easy to just let him go but at least get you some new friends and don't put all you eggs in his basket.what if he gets out and goes to be with the ex then what? i wouldn't trust him. but it's your choice. i wish you the best/
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