A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:No matter what I do, I just cant seem to attract girls, and the rare occasions I do, They get bored and move on after a short while. (But that's another issue). I'm not very confident, so going out and meeting new people is a bit hard for me. I'm ok if someone introduces me to someone but the thought of say, walking over to someone in a bar and chatting them up, scares the life out of me. Plus I'm not that keen on meeting people in pubs anyway, just feels kinda (trying to think of a good word for it)....common, cheap etc. Anyway before I sound even more like a snob lol. I've tried dating sites but again faced with the problem that no one will talk to me. I'm honestly a nice guy and I've got a lot of love to give. I'm trustworthy. Girls keep saying the qualities they want in a man and not to sound big headed but I fit the bill, so why wont anyone give me a chance? Any tips for other things I could try would be greatly appreciated...
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionoh man, I wasn't being serious on facebook, was just being light hearted as I said. It was what was said that got to me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok, this has just happened from me just being a tiny bit flirtatious. I was being light hearted. It was just a comment on facebook about me liking this girls picture and this is the response I got. 'shame, i cant say the same about your photo, but having said that is it my mans photo you are looking at?!?!?!?' How am I supposed to gain confidence with people saying that to me???
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (12 January 2010):
 I think that you have received a ton of good advice here. It all boils down to: Relax. Just be cool.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your replies, even if they did depress the life out of me. It's easy to say I need to gain confidence but HOW??????? And a girl will make me jumo hoops to see if I'm worthy? I guess I'm not worthy cause the thought of that alone makes me want to cower away in a corner.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (12 January 2010):
I was exactly like you just a few years ago. The good news is, I now have a fantastic girlfriend. I do understand where you're coming from though. Women don't like bad boys, but they go out with them because there is a sense of danger, or excitement. That's something nice guys don't have, because we sit there worried that we'll hurt them. Fortunately, my girlfriend is older and explained it all. What women want is a nice guy who is sensitive to their needs, but is also confident enough and spontaneous at times to keep excitement there. So I am still nice and caring, but I do try to be a bit more selfish and spontaneous sometimes, which is something she rather likes. Meaning hopefully, I've managed to strike a good balance at long last. You need to be more confident, I think, when you find a woman. Women are wary of anxious guys. Keep talking to them, keep meeting them, and you will find one.
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A
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reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (12 January 2010):
 DoubleM gives some good tips here, let me add a few, that work for me anyways, a good tip is to go look around an atm, and find a recipt someone has thrown on the ground with a large balance on it, pick up a few of these, then when you go to the bar, dont put pressure on yourself, tell the girl, "hey let me give you my number,if your interessted in doing something sometime give me a call" then write your number on the back of one of those recipts, you might be suprised how many of them start to call you, another thing is, after youve started gaining there interest, tell them you'll call them, then don't, give it about a week, they will start calling you, then act like your extremely busy, but you might be able to fit them in, it makes them feel like they are important enough that you'll take some of your very valuable time to see them, but only do this once, post how it goes! hope it helps!
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reader, DoubleM +, writes (12 January 2010):
It is possible that you are getting a bit too anxious, and women can sense that. Relax, remain confident, and to some degree, act as if you don't care what girls think, Also, be sure to be clever and funny. Make off-the-wall comments that surprise them, and remember, give every girl that attracts you an opportunity, and never (ever) be affected if turned down. There will always be another girl. Hope my advice helps. It's fairly basic.
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female
reader, Holli' +, writes (12 January 2010):
 I think you confidence is the main thing that is letting you down, you need to gain enough confidents first. All you need is a high self esteam, you see your in a bit of a cycle . . .
Have little confidence, Meet someone, gain confidence, it ends, lose confidence.
Any girl would be lucky to have you as their boyfriend you seem like a down to earth, caring loving guy, with a little confidence you'll be perfect, girls prefere it when the guy makes the first move. You dont always have to meet someone at a bar, with your confidence you will go out to new places the perfect opportunity to meet someone new, it doesn't have to be 'Hit on' first time you see a girl, engage in convorsation even if it's some silly excuse to talk to them like, can I borrow the salt, can you pass me a menue please, as soon as there's a response give a them a compliment, then you can chat about anything, body language also says a lot when you talk to a girl don't look intimidated or cockey, the way to get confident is to apreciate yourself, it sounds like you have amzing qualities, I hear going to the gym makes you feel better, and getting plenty of sleep helps your head think clearly, when you go out even if it's just to the store try and talk to someone. It seems socalizing is the key for you so the best of luck and I hope I helped.
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reader, hellogoodbyebabe +, writes (12 January 2010):
What attracts me to a guy is definitely confidence. My last 2 boyfriends approached me and I liked them immediately because their confidence was so radiant. Both of them weren't my type and get this.. both of them are insecure! I couldn't believe it. Sometimes you have to fake it if you want to get the girl.
And don't think it's easy for all guys to approach girls- the last guy I was seeing approached me and after going on a date, he told me he thought he sounded stupid (when he first came up to me).. I didn't think he sounded stupid at all! I thought he was really funny. And all my guy friends tell me it's hard to approach a girl at a bar so you are not alone.
Whenever you have an insecure thought, just say No! And when you see the girl across the floor peeking and you here and there, go for it! It's all about reading the signs. (And what's the worst that could happen? She rejects you? Well just go for her friend!)
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2010): i kno how u feel i get nervous meeting girls nd flirtin nd stuff but just try to be yourself but at the same time act couragous act like ur not nervous works for me
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