A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year and we both come from a strict religion where dating and sex outside of marriage is forbidden. My siblings and his know that we are seeing each other and so do our friends but I haven't met his and he hasn't met mine because it's not possible. We meet at my house usually as he lives with his parents nd we've been to a restaurant once and the movies many many times. He calls and texts everyday. Today he picked me up from work and brought be home. We arranged this last night. Within 2 minutes of getting inside he began initiating sex which was fine. Fifteen minutes after the first time, he initiated it again even though I was tired from work. Two hours after picking me up, he is on his way home and I cannot stop this horrible feeling that he only wants me for sex but because I am involved with him I'm not sure whether I'm right?The things that make me think that he wants me just for sex is that he sometimes calls me at short notice to say he is coming around. Sometimes even if I resist, he pushes and pushes for sex until he gets it. He has never arranged to meet me just for a coffee. We've never been shopping together or even for a walk in the park. We've never been away together or spent a whole night together because his parents would be suspicious. We usually go to the movies where it is dark and he can have a fumble. When I am on my period, he still comes to see me but I satisfy him sexually without having penetrative sex. Do you think he just wants me for sex?
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 May 2011):
 Because you come from strict backgrounds I think his behavior is disrespectful. He continously pushes you for sex, but never takes you out. The fact that you are writing to us should tell you something is wrong.
Yes, many men and women from strict backgrounds do have sex. But it should be because they are so in love that they cannot wait, and it's only part of the relationship, alongside regular expressions of love.
What your talking about is a relationship all about sex, and you don't even get to say no.
This guy isn't worth your time, there is no respect in his treatment of you.
A
male
reader, digitalent  +, writes (5 May 2011):
Being a guy myself, I know what goes on in a guy's head. He's using you for sex. Plain and simple. Try refusing when he wants to see you sometime and you'll notice how insistent he'll be and might even get real angry. 110% sign that he's using you for sex. I would suggest you tell him on phone that its over and then witness his denial and anger. He might even cuss at you in the end when he feels there's no hope left for getting a booty. It would be better to stay away from him.
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A
female
reader, Orbiter +, writes (4 May 2011):
Does your religion require some sort of secrecy (e.g from parents), is that why you can't meet each other's friends? If it does then maybe I could understand slightly more why he just goes over to yours a lot and there's not much variation in dates.However if that's not the case, I'd be inclined to believe he is using you for sex judging by how he can't be bothered to really take you anywhere or do anything unless it leads to sex. Him pushing you for sex is also a bad sign, again showing he's not all that considerate of your feelings and just wants sex.I'm not 100% sure of your situation but personally I think he's using you. If you're not sure and want to give him a chance then (especially if there is a need for secrecy) I'd suggest you try talking to him about it. Tell him you feel used and want to go out more. If he listens and does that then that's a sign he's not using you.Also refuse to have sex with him if you're not in the mood and don't give in, you shouldn't be pressured into it. If he gets really angry, storms out or leaves then that's a good sign he is just after sex.
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