A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I am really hurting right now, as I guy I have been pursuing doesn;t look like he is interested - even though we has a passionate love afair a month ago when I was on holiday in his country. He has only ever responded to me, and never intitates contact , and now he has not come back to me at all on the last two messages I sent , and although he kept asking me to go back and visit him, even recently when I spoke to him on the phone, he now seems to have dissapeared.I, however, have the problem that I cannot stop texting him,emailing him,calling him every few days, as I feel he has led me on, and I'm angry, confused and dissapointed.I don;t know how I am going to trust a guy again who says he loves me. Please can someone advsie me on how not to call text him when I get down, emotional, and needy. I find it a real problem, as I need answers, and am still thinkng I may have upset him, or I may be expecting too much form him , as he always respondes in the right way - why does he do this if he is not interested? I am really grieving over this guy, and cannot seem to move on from it no matter how hard I try. I go out, I see freinds, I have a nice job, etc etc, but still wake up crying in the night, and my heart hurts really badly. It;s completly debilitating, both physically and mentally, and I have lost some of my confidence which is starting to affect my work. This deep hurt is unusual for me to be suffering, as we only spent a short time together during which he seemd serious, and as passionate about me. I keep wanting to contact him and find out what went wrong, as it is real hard for me not knowing what happened.Does anyone think I should call him up one more time and just ask him straight out? or suffer in silence? I find it particulary difficult not to text him when I have had some wine, am alone indoors, or to email him when I wake up feeling horrid about it all. Pls advise.Thanks. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell - thanks for all you advice. Here is an update on my situation. I feel much more empowered NOT contacting him. I am still missing him like crazy which is insane, as it has been a while now, but I'm generally feeling much more in control. I know for a fact that he has logged into his emails, and he has still not sent me a message - so that tells me loud and clear that he does'nt want to contact me, or want me to contact him - or he wants me to chase him, and there is NO WAY that I ;m doing any more of that. I now have a welcome note on my mobile saying ' he does not want you to call or text him!! it really does work. He has not heard from me for just over a week now.. and do you know what? it's painful, but at least I am no longer pursuing someone who at the end of the day - doesn;t want to be with me. Not sure how much longer this grieving process will last - it seems to be going on and on, and I wake up in the night still hurting, but I am not going to let myself get hurt again, and give him the opportunity to reject me by not answering me again, neither am I going to give him the pleasure of me pursuing him, and him feeling wanted. I am saying to myself - 'iLl drop him a line in a months time' except I know by then the feeling will more than likely have faded. ( I hope so anyway) anyway - onwards and upwards. This has taught me a lesson that in future I will not keep making all the effort with someone who obviously cannot be bothered to make the effort to keep in touch. :o) xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBy the way - I have taken all your good advice, and REMOVED ALL HIS CONTACT DETAILS, DELETED AND TRASHED ALL EMAILS SENT AND RECIEVED( FORM THE TRASH CAN TOO!!) DELETED HIS NUMBER! AND WHEN I GET HOME TONIGHT, I;M GONNA' THROW THE PIECE OF PAPER AWAY WITH HIS ADDRESS ON IT, AND BURN ALL THE PHOTOGRAPHS OF US TOGETHER!! and I'M GONNA' ENJOY DOING IT!! I am actually am feeling encouraged and hopefull due to your messages. thanks again xx :o) Love x
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): Hi,
I am new to this forum, but i know how you feel. My BF left me a month ago, blamed me, blamed my child, anything he could. Swore he wasn't cheating, this was a distance relationship, however my house was for sale to move to his area, my daughter was going to start college there, new future !!!! 3 years of what i thought was a perfect relationship, loved him to pieces. He emailed and told me he was not seeing anyone else, which was a lie, as i checked the old faithful mobile bill online, wasnt hard to work out the new text messages and when they started. i text her, just so he knew that i knew, and prob as a warning about his lies and his cheating on her really, as they had been dating for 6 weeks, yet he was with me also!!! YUK !!! makes me squirm. She was just very very nasty back, told me he said i was ugly etc, and many more lies, but i wish i just hadnt bothered to start with now, just feel like ive embarrassed myself !!! still crying every night though !!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello to all you lovely kind hearted people that have responded to me and answered my question. Thank you - much appreciated.xx Unfortunatly - I made a HUGE mistake again last night after a bottle of wine. After speaking to a freind who encouraged me to text him ' one more time'.
I was confused, as he has always asked me 'what date I am coming over' and I thought you had forgotten me'so I assumed he was serious- or else why has he always said this? I don;t get it. Anyway I'm sure you all think I am a lost cause by now - ( I do too right now..) anyway, I foolishly said the following; ' Hi, I haven;t heard from you, do you want me to come or not? let me know by Sunday 16th August, or else it wil be too late to book a ticket' If I do not hear from you by then, I cannot contact you again'. I actually don;t want to risk going over there now anyway after the way he has treated me, or should I say I have allowed myself to be treated. Can you imagine the scene? basically, it would be me in tears wiaitng aournd for him... what a nightmare.
Also, a good point was mentioned: Even if he did start contacting me, he blew me off all the time. His responses to me are confusing though- as he has never said he is ' busy' or cannot make that time etc. But his silence now is deafening. I feel like s**t, as I stupidly belived him, and now I have put myself back in the same position, and prolonged my pain . I know he won;t answer - and I really hope I can move on from this asap. A good thing is, I am starting to feel angry which may be a sign I am moving forward. Also, I cannot afford to let this ruin my work life, but it's depressing, and have been going to bed early in order not to have to think about it too much - because at least if i'm asleep,my minds not on it. I cannot believe this bad feeling has lasted this long, and I haven;t even seen him!! What makes it worse is that I feel unnatractive, unconfident, and a bit silly. I mean, what's up with me? aren't I good enough to have a relationship with? the jerk didn;t even want to see me one more time, and it;s not like he's all that. I have so made a fool of myself. I feel like chucking the phone out. It;s like I have a strange addiction to pian, cause I really should have quit by now. Anwyay, form this day forward, I vow not to contact him again. I will and I can get over this somehow. Thanks. xx
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reader, bbird +, writes (13 August 2009):
first get rid off all the contact information you have for him Im mean emails, numbers etc at the end of the day if he wantss to contact you he will, this will be hard so i would get a friend to help you. Then you cani be tempted to email etc. The next thing you have to do is move on, at the end of the day you'll probably not forget him anytime soon so just go out and have fun and soon he will be the last person on your mind.At the end off the day your gna have to accept the fact the guy isnt that into you. And you know wat f*ck him because your probably gorgeous and at the end of the day there are plenty more fish in the sea who will treat you better and have more fun with. In the case off your confidence it will come back once you go out and have some fun maybe you should sign up for a salsa dance class or polercise etc, this will get you out of the house and make you feel alot more sexier, and have so much fun. Just keep telling yourself at the end of the day its his loss and also your not the only person this has ever happen to so your not alone and you will get over it eventually, i know you dont think it know but give it time. Also YOU DID NOTHING WRONG, at the end off the day this guy isnt good for you, especially if he makes you feel like its your fault cause it aint so dont appolgise to him etc.I dont wani come across as the b*tch but it was probably not meant to be, so maybe its better not knowing.This isnt gna be easy so I hope you get through it and im sorry if I did come across mean, I just have seen this happen to piles off girls and sometimes its just better to be honest and tell the truth they already know deep down. OOH go watch the film "he just not that into you" I know its just a film but it makes alot of sense. Hope it works out for you and you meet a good man who loves you in return cause it will happen B-Bird again sorry if i was mean X
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reader, cliffsgirl  +, writes (13 August 2009):
hey, I know exactly what your going thru. I was done the same way but I said to myself I'm better than that. I start thinking about all the things I have to offer my self verses what could he have done for me. really your sobing over a jerk who is worthless. do some things like go to church, we your bible, pray often and you will find your feelings toward him go out the window. yes it'll be a struggle in the beginning. but you can do it. I've learned to face the fact if he wanted to be with me he would have!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): I pretty much agree with all the other comments! You deffo should NOT conatct this guy again as all that'll happen is you will once more give him the opportunity to ignore you and consequently break your heart in more places!! I know only too well the pain and the aftermath of a broken heart, I am STILL suffering myself and I can tell you, it is an everyday day battle!! Somedays you are fine and others the emotions come puoring back!!!Allow yourself time to grieve though and don't feel guilty for feeling what you are feeling, instead feel proud of yourself that you are capable of loving! We cannot make someone love us, all we can do is be ourselves and carry on enjoyin life the way we were BEFORE the 'love interest' came into our lives!You will feel hurt and it will take time but as I said it's all about time and as time goes by it hurts less!Just make sure you don't let yourself go during this time. Find a way of improving yourself -in whichever area you like- ie. mentally, spritually, physically, financially etc.. Take up new hobbies , read more, listen to music, learn a new trade etc..These are things that have helped me and at least if I were to ever bump into the person who broke my heart I know I will be looking and feeling GREAT!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): I am so sorry that you are hurting. But, bluntly put - it sounds like he's just not that into you. With this particular guy, it also sounds like he may be scared to tell you that he's not because he knows it will hurt you. A guy who is into you will make it clear in no uncertain terms that he wants to be with you. I think this guy genuinely liked spending time with you, but his actions clearly are not speaking the language of love.My advice to you, as hard as will be, is to just let it go. He is clearly not worth your energy or time. It takes time to figure out if you are really in love with someone. I have a six month rule. You really need to see that person in every situation to decide what kind of person they are and if you really do want to be with them for a lifetime. It sounds like you have a lot of love to give and there is a guy out there that will come around and be deserving. This other guy is clearly not.
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reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (12 August 2009):
 The first thing you have to do is get rid of all contact information for this guy. This includes his number, email, address...basically whatever you have! Then you need to get out of the mindset that you 'can't' get over him. You CAN get over him. It's just going to be a little bit difficult. What you are going through is completely natural. In fact, many people, if not all can say that they have went through the same thing at least once in their lives. You have to realize that those people all got over things in the end. You aren't a special case. You are a normal and quite healthy human being who can move on with her life! Once you get all that in your head, you can finally begin the process of healing. Going out and seeing friends only works if you are READY to move on. It appears as though you haven't really accepted the fact yet that he isn't going to talk to you. This guy isn't into you. He keeps blowing you off and you deserve so much better than that! Even if he does finally get in contact with you, he still blew you off that entire time, so it's a big hint that he's just dragging you along. And you don't want to feel like this all the time do you? No! Try to think about things logically (as hard as that is at the moment), and remember not to make the same mistake again. Guys will do that once they get all they can out of you during the first month. Especially if they aren't looking for a relationship any time soon. Whenever you feel bad about things or drink some wine, put your phone somewhere where it takes a while to get it in order to rationally talk yourself out of calling him. OR even leave a post it note on your computer after you drink some wine that says some encouraging words about NOT contacting him! Little reminders of how good of a person you are and how you deserve better will allow you to stop a moment and possibly avoid contacting him all together. It'll take time and effort, but I know you can do it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): First off I feel for you. That being said time to be tough now.
Delete everything that will allow you to contact him, telephone numbers, text messages, emails, everything. Bet case scenario he contacts you, then you have all his details again, if he doesnt contact you again then you will know for ure you have been played.
This hurts i know but you will get throughthis
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female
reader, redgem +, writes (12 August 2009):
 Men are very complicated. Unfortunately sounds like it is a lost cause. You need to be strong and not contact him, let him think that you are not interested - if he doesnt come running back then you have a clear answer. It may not be the answer that you want but at least you can pursue with it (only if he contacts you!!!) or move on and enjoy being single! Its hard but we are stronger than we think if we really try hard :)
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