A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, I'm a 22 year old guy who has just split from his second ever, and longest, relationship. I basically have rarely if EVER really liked a girl enough for a relationship, I cannot stand someone who is easy or who has had many sexual partners. I have only had 2 girlfriends, both have approached me with their interest first, both times I have not been interested prior.This 2nd ex I have known through friends since school, since then I worked with her over this summer. We got REALLY close, had EVERYTHING in common, hobbies, interests etc. We were out one night and she told me that she liked me. I have always been terrible around women, I have a reasonable big confidence as I have done many things to build it as a child, but I cannot talk/take things to the next level past friendship with women. At the end of summer I had a BBQ and we both got drunk, ended up with me embracing her all night, I finally realized that I loved her. So we started a relationship.We are both quite shy/nervous people, took us about a week before she had the balls to kiss ME, yes I know I should be the person to kiss first. We spent a good amount of time together during the first month, I made the first move with french kissing and also intimate activities, not sex however, that she responded to really well, including telling me how good our sex would be when I was ready (I said I wasn't experienced).During the summer she also asked me to play in her band who was just taking off locally. During practices and gigs it seemed that she was almost ignoring me, she later said to me after a gig that she didn't want our relationship to come between her career. It turns out that she never wanted to date anyone in her band as it would make things difficult, but she wanted to try it with me, so that puts things on a knife edge already. The band and her music course (plus her hobbies), take up a lot of her time, she never did give any up for me but we saw each other when she was free, maybe a few hours twice a week).After 2 months we saw each other less, she never really told me that she loved me openly, only a few times, due to shyness I believe, I have told her a good amount despite my shyness. She was busy with hobbies and the band, she was showing signs of less of interest while I kept doing things for her, helping her out hoping to make more time for us both, basically became more of a nice guy I guess. The romance faded in her as she was paying less attention to me, not looking me in the eyes and showing no or minimum affection. She split up a week ago with me, face to face, she couldn’t look me in the eyes still. She said that the romance had faded, I said I wanted it to be there but it was hard when she was busy a lot of the time. She said I have been a brilliant boyfriend, but I don’t deserve her being busy all the time, and that it’s the wrong time in her life for romance because of her career, she was crying when she said this. She said I was amazing and she wants to be friends like before.I don’t contact her anymore, although she txts me alot about band stuff, to which I reply keeping it friendly/attempting flirty, I see her at band practices where I am always upbeat and try to be funny/friendly but also distant. I have been out LOADS the past week (she knows about me going out) but cannot get her out of my mind, she is the first person I have ever felt this way about, I cannot be close friends with her whilst I feel this way. I would love to have her back. We have 4 gigs this week, I will be as before I went out with her but will try to keep my distance, trying to use cocky and funny sounds good too. We have a gig on Saturday were we are staying over at her aunties, I would love any advise how to deal with that as I am really worried. I also start a new job next monday and would love to try and sort stuff out before hand (e.g. get her back).Thank you so much .:.
View related questions:
confidence, drunk, flirt, kissing, my ex, shy, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionedit: The reason we didn't have sex was that she was always too busy, also we both live at parents and they are always in. she knows my true feelings as she text me the day after she dumped me to see if I was alright, basically saying that she really wanted me as a close friend too. I text her back saying how great she was and that it was painful as I still feel for her.
I have been really friendly around her the few times I have seen her this week.
A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (26 November 2007):
 I am surprised you delayed making love throughout this relationship and as I understand it did not happen. She almost openly said she wanted sex with you and you as the man did not do it. How much more you would expect it to continue sexless. Sex has become an essential ingridient for relationships although there is nothing wrong in not doing it in a relationship on matters of principle which you do not claim.
May be she is really fell short of romance also. And you did not make much effort to charm her, also because you are shy.
Any way, I definetly think she is a kind of person who would love to listen how you really feel about her. You should tell her your feelings towards her, how you see her in every detail and I am sure she wil be impressed. And afterwards, after getting back, try some action.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionat a gig with her now, she is friendly around me and has asked how I have been, we've had a quick chat and i've been a little cheeky with her. Really nice to see her but I will suffer when I am home.
...............................
|
