A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was supposed to go visit my LDR boyfriend but didn't because of stresses in my home life and lack of funds (he said he would've helped with money, but then I wouldn't have any). Now he says he doesn't love me anymore!I've told him that I wasn't sure if I loved him anymore, or that I doubted us, but he always made me feel better within a couple of weeks. I'm hoping I can do the same thing with him. Any advice?He says it's because we fought a lot, we didn't talk a lot, and I got depressed (I've been depressed for a while, but it's been a lot worse since then). I know I broke his heart, but I really want to make things better.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 November 2011):
 LDRS can work.
BUT there are things that are required:
HONESTY (and you were not honest with him when you said you didn't love him or doubted the relationship because you needed him to soothe your feelings)
COMMUNICATION
TRUST
REGULAR VISITS
and finally
A PLAN to end the distance...
do you have all of these things?
relationships require work from both parties.
LDRs more so...
IF only one person is making the effort it won't work.
I just ended an LDR (where we were a 2 hour drive apart) becasue we are now LIVING TOGETHER FULL TIME.... so yes LDRS can work....
in your case, your age, your depression, your "game playing" in trying to get him to make YOU feel more secure and his lack of effort... I don't hold out much hope.
A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (15 November 2011):
 I'm sorry but I have to disagree with the aunts saying LDRs do not work. LDRs don't work when either one or both of the people in the relationship are not 100% committed to making it work.
I live over 7000 miles away from my partner, since December have only had one visit and we are still going strong. Just because I cannot physically touch him and be by his side, doesn't make the relationship any less than a couple who are close distance. When we have fights (which is rarely ever), we are able to talk things through and come to an agreement together. All we have is our communication.
Nowadays it is not hard to pick up a phone and call or send a text, or hop on the computer and skype with your loved one.
However, in your relationship, if you are doubting your love for him, you need to pin point the reasons why, and discuss them with each other. Communication is the number one KEY to making ANY relationship work.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): He is to far away, and ldr's do not work ...always fail, I know tryed to keep one going even after I moved 4900 miles away ....Just drop him and get into real life with a real person.
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