A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My BF and I have been going out 2 years. For the most part we have had a healthy relationship, with only a few bumps in the road. This first was when he went away for 2 weeks and came back and said he needed his space, but really he had been flirting with another girl on his trip. The next time I was the one who went on a trip and flirted with another guy. Neither of us physically cheated and after each we learned more about our commitment to each other. Recently, his good friend has had a crush on me and texted me all the time. I have told this guy that I am not interested and my BF is aware that I am not interested in his friend. We are all friends in the same friend group, classes together and see and talk to each other everyday.Over the weekend, I thought my BF and I were going to go out to dinner but at the last minute he changed his mind and decided to go out with friends (our friends) and initally the friends seemed like they didn't want to include me but only later asked me to come along. I was hurt that my BF ditched me and hurt that our friends (we are all mutual friends) didn't want to include me. So, I was home alone and was texting other folks, one of them being the guy that has a crush on me. My BF found out and is furious with me. I realize that I was feeling lonely that all my friends had abandonned me, but all I did was text the friend because I had nothing else to do and nothing at all flirty or inappropriate. My BF now says I have to make it all up to him and that he is not happy with me at all. Is this such a terrible thing to do? Is he trying to control me?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 November 2011):
 I think you know exactly why you did it, to make your BF jealous.
Good for you for not flirting or being inappropriate, but of all the people you could have talked to you picked the one who would IRK your BF the most.
I don't know why he ditched you and I think he was rather rude about it, so I DO understand why you were upset, just remember 2 wrongs never make a right.
Yes, he is trying to control you and control the situation.
Don't you have friends that aren't "his" friends too? If you do, maybe you need to hang out with them from time to time.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (14 November 2011):
 I think all three of you have behaved badly here.
1. This 'friend' for sniffing around a young woman he knows to be spoken for...by one of his friends, no less.
2. You for sending him mixed messages and using him because you thought no one else wanted you. The conversation may not have been sexual, but the fact that you contacted him at all after making it clear your loyalty lay with your boyfriend offers him false hope.
3. Your boyfriend for not confronting this friend in a mature manner himself before it got to this point. And for using fear and guilt to seize control of the relationship.
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