A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some serious advice...I got into a serious relationship last year and then was cheated on and really hurt, and damaged...somewhere in the process of breaking up and then getting back together I installed keylogging software onto my his computer...well basically this has been torture for me, now I check it all the time and have found some pretty upsetting stuff. Now that we are serious again I found lots of facebook searches for his ex-spouse, looking at pics of her (at least once a week) he checks her "friends" list and looks for others that he was involved with..I have his email passwords, everything, I can watch every move online, all the porn he looks at, and old emails that confirmed all the cheating before we broke up and more! It's just been so hurtful to me, but I cant stop looking! I also read texts when I can and I know he's still trying to keep the door open to other women. I am so completely in love w/him still, even though I know waaay to much, so I stick around. I was never even the jealous type, but I had never been cheated on before, and he really damamged my self-esteem. I could have my pick, but all I want is him. I just dont know what to do!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2010): Hi. If hes only looking but hasnt contacted his ex or past girlfriends then hes just being nosey. Who hasnt looked up an ex or two on FB? I know i have but im happy in my relationship and dont want to be with an ex i just wonder how they are doing sometimes. So his occupation with checking an ex might not be sinister if he hasnt tried contacting her. As for the porn. I guess thats average for guys and some women to do now its so freely available. As long as hes not disrespecting you to anyone online or chatting to ex partners try and keep things in perspective. What would he find if he could look over your shoulder when you are online. Do you ever speak about him in a negative way. Do you chat to any guys. Are they flirty. Have you never looked up past boyfriends. What hes doing doesnt sound that bad to me but because hes cheated once you dont trust him and are waiting to catch him out. This is obsessing you and making you miserable. Ignore the key logger. Work on your self esteem and if you cant be happy with him then think about leaving him x
A
female
reader, Midge  +, writes (30 April 2010):
 Well no-one can tell you what to do, but we can of course give you our own personal opinions and feelings. What you do with it, is your decision.
If I were in your position, knowing that I love my boyfriend the way I do, Id kick his arse right out the door! I mean, do you want to continue being so insecure in your relationship for the rest of your life? I know I wouldnt!
Ive been cheated on, and it hurt. Man, it hurt! But I wouldnt give him the satisfaction of seeing me upset, crying for days on end, and a complete mess. We had been out for 4 years, and I found out he had cheated pretty much all the time. I thought this was the guy I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
Turns out, I spent about 20 seconds after I caught him, with him. His arse was drop kicked thereafter. I was not prepared to be made a mug of. Neither should you! You deserve better than that! The fact that you cannot trust him and have loaded that software means there are some serious issues you need to sort out. If you dont, you will pull that same issue out on the next guy you meet, and that could cost you your happiness and probably the man you were gonna spend the rest of your life with. Dont let this idiot do any more damage to you by waisting your time on him.
If it were me, I wouldnt let the little player play me like a fool anymore! I would just go and see him, as I dont believe in ending relationships over the phone or by text, and just tell him that I know he is still very much in love with his ex and that Im not happy with the way things are going, and I want to end it. For heavens sake, dont tell him you loaded the software! You will sound like a stalker and give him the upper hand.
As I said before, I can only give you my opinion and experience. What you do with it, is your decision! Hope it helps!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2010): Stop and listen to yourself...he spends his time looking up exes, their whereabouts, their pictures, talking to other girls, trying to get with them...and you spend your time trying to catch him do it...And you say you are inlove?? Frankly its sick.
Look I dated a cheater once and I know how awful it is. The impact on one's self esteem is bad, its true. I didn't know he was a cheater. And when I found out I showed him the door and NEVER reopened it. Yeah I was sad and I felt like sh*t. I didn't care to know who he did and for how long. All I knew was that this idiot had balls to even THINK about doing that to me, take me for granted. NO not on my watch! What he did was absolutely despicable.
Stop torturing yourself! How much more proof do you need before you are no longer "inlove" with someone who treats you like sh*t?? This isn't normal, its sick. Ask for help from a friend, a family or somebody who can get you out of this cycle. Times passing you by and you are wasting it on this FOOL!
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A
female
reader, Jesc +, writes (30 April 2010):
 First, and kinda selfishly (forgive me having a problem with mine.) What is it that you are using?
Okay. Second I believe you should leave him. Not only do you see the evidence but it's wrong. You are just hurting yourself more if you stay with him and see this. It's just... sad. You are giving yourself pain.
You need to let him go, Get yourself a man who will only look up romantic verses to write or say to you.
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