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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have a new boyfriend and I am hopelessly attracted to him sexually. He makes me weak at the knees and turns me on like no one else ever has. The problem is that we recently started having sex. He does everthing right and it feels great, but I am always only able to cum, if I touch myself while having sex (even with previous partners). Is this normal? I haven't had the courage to do this with him yet. I am feeling very shy about doing this and I can see that he does not know why I haven't been albe to cum yet. I think that my inability to cum is bothering him very much and I think he blames himself. What will he think if I suddenly start to masturbate myself when we are having sex? Will this affect his ego? How does it happen for most other couples?
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female
reader, Suzanna +, writes (18 September 2006):
 Yes, I think this is quite normal. A lot of women need a lot of direct clitoral stimulation - I am exactly the same!
If your boyfriend is mature enough, he will not mind you touching yourself - and might even be turned on by it. Alternatively, you could show him exactly how you like to be touched and he can do it for you, while you are having sex in certain positions. Communicate your needs to him. Practise makes perfect. Try and forget about being shy and focus on what feels good.
Your anxiety about needing the extra stimulation is probably also standing in between you and your orgasm. You will only be able to "cum" if you are able to relax completely and let go of all your inhibitions. Do you often find it hard to "let go of control of yourself" in general life? If this is the case, I would suggest that you talk to your partner when you are having sex (about how he can help you reach orgasm and what is holding you back). You will find it easier to open up to each other when you are being so intimate.
Enjoy!
All the best XxX
A
female
reader, playbunny206 +, writes (16 September 2006):
A lot of women are unable to have an orgasm alone just by sex ( i do it myself)! the feeling actually comes from the clitoris and cannot normally be stimulated by sex alone. explain to your boyfriend that even though he does make you very horny you do need that exra stimulation. Maybe you both can have fun with it rather than it be an inconvinience for example clitoral stimulators or other sex toys. Trust me many women are in the same boat. Have fun and good luck!
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (16 September 2006):
 I'm pretty sure he wont mind. Anything thats giving you pleasure, he's sure to like!
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A
female
reader, sjd +, writes (16 September 2006):
 First of all, you are perfectly normal. It is much more difficult for a woman to orgasm than a man. A woman requires much more foreplay or increased sexual stimulation. Since you two have just started having relations, I would suggest you try and increase your communication. Tell him what feels good, "go faster/slower, harder/faster." Any guy who likes to amke his girl feel good will appreciate the feedback. Another thing, the majority of guys I know find it a hig turn on when a woman "helps." I don't know how open minded your boyfriend is but he seems to care about what makes you feel good. So if I were you I would put his hands where you want them while you are havuing sex...then if that doesn't work show him. I am fairly sure he won't mind. If you don't want to do this try talking to him about it.
The communication I think is the biggest part. I could not orgasm for a very long time until I stopped beign a prude and started telling my guy exactly what I wanted. If somethign felt good, I asked him to continue. We changed positions and guided each others hands until we taught each other how to have awesoem sex together. Increase your communication with your boyfriend and be forward in telling him what you like and I am sure you will have some awesoem orgasms and with time you will not even need to help him. Good Luck!
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