A
female
age
41-50,
*akingItWork
writes:The father of my baby says we are only friends, but everyone arounds us says we are more than friends. I do not know if he really interested or if he is trying to take it slow funny cause I am pregnant I know; by him . In the beginning he told me he would never leave me alone, we would get close hot and heavy, then he would take a break from me and come back. He has always try to say we are just friends, he has called me baby, perfect, too good to be true and etc, and I have always been upfront with how I feel about him, the day I heard his voice I was gone, and the day I saw his face I was like thats my husband, its been about a year and the only thing that has changed is that I love him even more. I can not talk about how I feel about him to him, he does not want to hear about it. He says it hurts his feelings and makes him feel bad when I tell him how I feel about him, why? cause he can not be with me right now or he does not feel the same? We have racial issues on his side and he has made comments of him wanting to be with me, but I am bad for him cause of his family. He will get close to me emotionally then so he wont get to close he will go away. He says he can't do the emotional. When we are around each other its like to middle school kids who have crushes, we can not look each other in the eye and talk to each other, when I look him in the eyes, the connection I feel for him is to much. So, we are going to be in each other lives anyway, do I give him some time and see if he is trying to take things slow or what? He sends the most mixed signals. He also proposed to me and like took it back.
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (24 February 2012):
Hi. It seems like you are going to have to be content for now with the help he does give you.
He doesn't appear to be ready to fully commit to you at the moment.
He might be in a state of overwhelm.
Because he is the father, he realizes he has responsibilities towards his child and the baby when it comes along, as well.
At the same time though, he's not prepared to commit all the way to getting married and spending the rest of his life with you and the children. Well not right now, anyway.
So he does what he has to do for his child, but he won't go that extra bit to being a full time father and fully engaging in the sense of making you his wife and being in your life as a real family member.
I really believe he is afraid of tying himself down and then losing his freedom, or a major part of it, anyway.
That seems to be his gratest fear - a loss of freedom to go out and be with his friends and have fun and socializing.
He knows that would all have to stop once he committed himself to you.
So he has some decisions to make about his life.
And unfortunately he has to decide for himself, you won't be able to influence him. This is a path he has to find for himself.
A
female
reader, MakingItWork +, writes (23 February 2012):
MakingItWork is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe dont have sex anymore, as of today I am 34 weeks, he has told me to slow down, like he wants what I want but its all moving to fast. I do not tell him how I feel anymore, when I starts getting to close, I stop talking to him and put space between us. I just wanted him to admit how he feels, kinds hurts your feelings when you know they like you but will not admit it. I want to have fun and stuff but its like everything has changed. I dont depend on him, I am not worried about being a single parent, he is here and helps me, I dont ask him to be, I do not ask him for anything. Its not up to me to make anyone be a dad, thats up to him.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (23 February 2012):
Hi there. Perhaps he isn't ready to commit to you yet.
He could still want his freedom, and he knows because you have a child together and possibly you believe, this baby you are carrying now, is also his.
Maybe he is weighing up his freedom to live his life the way he wants, against how his life would be if he did marry you and commit to a life with you.
He realizes there would be many restrictions placed on his freedom - because of the children - which weighs heavily on his decision making process.
It seems many thoughts are going around and around in his head right now, and he's not quite ready to make a final decision just yet.
And let's face it, marriage is a big decision for anyone to make. One not to be taken lightly.
This is going to take a lot of patience from you, as it could take many months or even a year for him to decide.
There is probably no real point in telling him how you feel about him. He already knows that.
And don't apply any pressure on him to decide, as it could alienate him altogether. And you don't want that.
This is just going to take time.
Let him have all the time he needs.
If you keep putting pressure on him, it could make him start to think you are controlling him, and that you will be telling him what to do all the time.
That thought alone, will push him away from you.
All these thoughts go through the minds of men sometimes, especially when the woman in their life, is wanting him to settle down and commit to them.
The more pressure you apply on him, the more he resists.
So there are two opposing forces at play, and neither of you is going to budge on your position.
Then you have a stalemate. No movement at all.
Maybe from now on, take the question of marriage right out of the equation altogether.
Don't even mention it - at all.
Instead, focus only on having fun together and being happy and laughing. Just enjoying each other's company.
Maybe you could go out places together. On the weekends, go for a picnic somewhere and go walking together after. You can wheel your baby around in a stroller, while you walk.
It's possible that things could have become tense between you, because of your desire to be married and be a family. So consequently, a lot of the conversation revolves around "when are we going to get married?" or some such topic.
He might be getting tired of it, and wondering if the subject matter for conversation is ever going to change.
He might feel that the relationship now, has ceased to be fun anymore.
We all want a happy, light hearted, fun environment to live in, don't we?
When it stops being fun, we begin to look elsewhere for it.
It's human nature.
Just the same way as if a job no longer inspires you, and you become bored with it, you seriously look at finding another job, don't you?
It's no different, with relationships.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (23 February 2012):
 HI
his playing mind games,his got you pregnant, now he dont want the responsability of it all. He is only trying to keep you sweet so when ever he fancy's a bit of sex you will give that to him. how far gone in the pregnancy are you? and are you sure you are prepared to be a single mother? because you need to think very seriously about this, this man is NOT going to marry you and be one happy family, his taking you for a fool. You can do so much better than this.
Mandy x
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