A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship that makes me feel super insecure. I was never ever insecure like this in my life. I was never a jealous person either. Even when I was younger. I am not sure if it is me or my partner. Woman are going after him as crazy. When I met him I did not think that would be an issue. I was in relationships before when I got cheated on and I was very carefull to get involved in this one. He is good looking but I did not consider him as something that woman would really go after as nuts. I also felt very comfortable with age difference because I thought that he will remain happy in relationship with youger female (he is 15 years older then me). I feel as I am wittnesing exact oposite. Where ever he goes woman are just "jumping" at him, no matter what age. I sudenly feel "old" because he seems to pay too much attention much younger girls, as 20-30 years his juniors. The problem I see is that he is returning their affection and most of his "friends" are woman as he was not in relationship at all. I believe some of them do not even know that he has girlfdiend until they meet us together at some event. I can not talk about it because if I bring anything up, even very carefully, he flares up and gets offended, calling me insecure and not trusting him. We are very well known as couple to his family and his best friends. When it comes to general public or public events he has problem to indroduce me as his girlfriend, he just introduces me by my name. His excuse is that strangers do not need to know anything about his personal life. Last week we went at birthday party at his work and one of his female much younger co-workers, that I do not know yet seemed "extremely" friendly. He never mentioned her at home, ususally he talks about his friends a lot at home. Even female friends. I have to admit that some of them I know and I trust them. This one was new and I got a bad feeling. Becuase he was hanging with her more then with me. I just pretended as I am so above it and so Secure and so confident. But I was dying inside. When she looked at me she "meassured me" from head to toe and she would not tell me a word. When she was leaving she jumped on his neck and gave him a huge hug. I am at my job for quite some years and truly we do not hug each other like that. I am loosing it. I am on the edge. I do nto know anymore what I am imaginanig and what is for real. I can not handle any more "groupies". Is it him? Or am I a psycho?
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best friend, co-worker, his ex, insecure, jealous Reply to this Question
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male
reader, doublejack  +, writes (3 November 2011):
To give you a guy's perspective, I'm afraid that's just how this man probably is. I am not this way myself, but I have friends who are. It sounds like your boyfriend is very flirty by nature, and that he also likes the attention of a lot of women because it boosts his ego. One of my friends who is like this is married and he does not hide the fact - he wears his ring and everything. Yet, he continually flirts with women, particularly younger single women. He will give them hugs and kisses on the cheek. He will grab their hands and ask if they're cold. He will verbally flirt with them. Things of this nature.Now, I personally feel that his flirtatious nature crosses the line of decency, and I would not accept my significant other acting in that manner. I feel it is disrespectful. However, my friend's wife has no issue with it. She feels secure in their relationship and trusts her husband completely, so it doesn't threaten her.So, assuming that your boyfriend is like my buddy, you will have a choice to make. Can you accept him like he is, or is his behavior just too much for you to handle? It is unlikely you'll get your boyfriend to change his ways, and if you make a big issue of it he will probably get frustrated. At the very least it would strain the relationship, and at worst it may end it.Best of luck!
A
female
reader, cinc71  +, writes (3 November 2011):
 I think he's up to no good and the way he's acting is really disrespectful to you so you can only imagine what he does behind your back. You didn't mention how long you've been together. I think you'll never fully trust him and you're probably right. You deserve better. GOod luck!
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (3 November 2011):
 Hi,
Not sure what to advice in regards to your relationship, but I just want to let you know that you are not psycho! You have the right to feel this way, I would feel the same.
In that office party, he was disrespectful to you. As for the girl? Looking at you head to toe without a word? Jump on his neck, and gave him a huge hug? This girl was also disrespectful, shows no class at all. I got upset just thinking about the situation, but you did good, by not showing your emotions. You behave with total class, like a real lady.
He's very selfish. I can't believe that he told you that you were insecure. Absolutely not.... If something bothers you, if you are not comfortable, you have the right to express your feelings. He should respect you, rather he agrees, or understand. That's what a relationship is about...
Don't make any decisions, yet. Whenever you have the chance, just tell him that you don't feel comfortable with him being very close with females in your present. Explain to him that it's not about insecurity, but RESPECT. Hopefully he will change...
Also, next time you are in a public event with him, why don't you do the same? Talk with other guys, flirt, spend more times with other guys, ignore him, make sure you give all the men huge hugs. Let's see how he feels?
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2011): You're not psycho. you're probably just lying to yourself about what he is doing, which is making it clear to other women that he is still available to them by not properly acknowledging your place in his life. He is doing what tons of men try to do in one way or another, have one woman as a certainty, while he chases after others or in this case gives them signals to chase him. If you're not happy with this end it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCan I get some opinion on this from some Man?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe are living together for about 1 and 1/2, dating for about 2 years. I am afraid to leave beccause I am afraid that 2 or 3 dyas later I may ralize that may be I over reacted and made mistake. I am not type that would just come back and apologize. Once I make decision it has to be it. It would really help me if I could talk to him about this, but I can`t.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2011): I think you are right to have a bad feeling about this. At best he is being disrespectful, is an attention whore and because of this he constantly puts himself before you. From what you've written you seem more into him than he is you.
At worst, he doesn't introduce you as his girlfriend so it doesn't put other women off and he is free to date/sleep with them behind your back. And he didn't want you to know about his co worker because he's paranoid about raising suspicion.
Either way it doesn't look like this relationship is headed anywhere good. You don't sound psycho, 99% of women would be insecure about this too. If I were you, I'd leave him. Especially as he won't even talk about it and it's really getting you down.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2011): None of this would be ok with me. You need to speak with him and then end it if he won't acknowledge you to everyone as his gf. A relationship should make you happy and this one isn't doing that for sure.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2011): I think you have to get out of this relationship. You're not going to change him and I don't see how you can make yourself feel more secure unless you can detach yourself from your relationship so that you no longer care if he's 'seeing' other women or trying to. (which is what I did because my husband used to flirt a lot with other women and they would flirt a lot with him.) but then what kind of relationship would that be if you're not caring about it?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 November 2011):
 You don't feel comfortable enough to laugh and say, 'yes, I'm Hannah, his girlfriend. Isn't he a-DOR-able?" Then give him a wink and a smile.
He sounds like he wants to feel the freedoms of a single man and doesn't want to let the girls know he's taken. This indicates to me that he is keeping his options open and I would be very wary of fully committing to him just yet. This other girl may indeed be your 'competition' and it is rude of him to give her more public displays of affection and attention than he gives you. Definitely not okay.
How long have you two been dating?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 November 2011):
 His inability to validate you and show others that he is taken is making you insecure. He doesn't put up the line anywhere, he lets people treat him as if he's single, sending out vibes that he is single, accepting flirts, living the single life even right in front of you... I don't think any woman would feel secure in such a relationship if she was emotionally invested with him. If she didn't care at all for him then she might not bother with it. But he isn't showing these other women, or people that he meets, that his loyalty is with you. And that is what causes concern, regardless of him staying faithful to you or loving you.
It doesn't work to talk to him.. then you are left with little option. Either accept this, be a nervous wreck, feel further insecure, go crazy, OR end the relationship and be with a man who makes you feel safe and secure in the relationship.
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