A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was with an ex for 4 years, we split up as we was arguing a lot at the time then he said he didn't love me anymore an to move on. I begged and begged for him to change his mind but nothing. So after so long of rejection I moved on, I didn't intend to be with anyone else because I loved him. But eventually I ended up liking someone else who took my mind off my ex,made me laugh made me happy. He asked me out eventually an we was together for 6months. While we was together my ex flipped,would text me saying if I asked you back now would you get back with me, ask do I still love him and so on. I guess I never stopped loving my ex but he rejected me so I rejected him. He was going travelling for a year in june and wanted to see me before I left but I didn't. He left and he's been away now for 4months,I split up with the new lad in july. Me and the orignal ex have been emailing since he left for australia. He's been saying he's always missed me,and will never stop missing me,says he still has feelings for me but says he could never get back with me now because iv met someone else. But he has met a few people when we've been single too!! He said the reason he wanted to see me the night before he left for australia was to have a last special night together (including kiss an sleeping together) because he knew that would be the end. But why would he do that because "it was the end" u don't do that, u do that because u love someone right!? I'm so heartbroken again,wish he could give me another chance because we was so good together. I don't know what to do....I can forgive an forget but could he?
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male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (6 October 2011):
 Sorry but if you both love each and it seems from this you really do - that is a genuinely very silly reason not to get back together. You were split up - you would both be very upset and bouncing around and maybe make some bad calls - im tempted to conclude this isnt the reason and your both using it as a pretext because your both weary of getting burnt or because its simply a non-reason.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThs reason we orignally split was generally due to arguments of me being a bit overprotective. He told me he had lied sayin he never loved sed he did really but sed that to push me away. I have changed now generally realised how pathetic I am of being protective. But that's not the thing stopping us getting back, its us having been with other people.
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A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (1 October 2011):
I really dont think the issue is forgiveness and forgetting here - the issue is resolving whatever it is that caused the break-up in the first place. Now its a bit hard to make a pronouncement on that from here without knowing more but there must have been some underlying issue that caused all the arguments in the first place. Something caused him to start pushing you away which is why he said the things he did - something that happened caused his hackles to rise.
I think he is being hypocritical in not wanting to be with you because you had another relationship. I am sure he is a decent kind of guy and wouldnt be this way intentionally so that leads us back to where we started - with what caused the original break-up and what started him thinking he was going to get hurt if he kept investing in you. Obviously, in his eyes, your subsequent relationship has reinforced this impression - although it isnt fair or logical, you have to remember fear often isnt.
Being afraid pretty much explains all his behaviour. If you want another chance at this relationship you need to go back to the roots of the problem and why you split up in the first place and resolve that. Good luck :)x
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (1 October 2011):
 It's perfectly fine for you to forgive and forget but don't you get the idea that he is only doing this because he knows you found someone else and are moving on. It is easy for the want to be there but will anything be different and will problems be fixed? The answer is most likely no.
I don't beleive in getting back together with ex's unless it was a mutual break up. The fact is he broke your heart and now you have a chance at something new rather then just staying with what you are comfortable with. Try and see this, I got dumped after over two years a few months ago and was devestated. There were parts of me that wanted to get back together with her but going back to the same thing was not an option. You're better off remembering what you had and moving on from him which may mean cutting contact.
There are just too many red flags here like the sex before he leaves. He sounds like he only wants you when it is good for him or if you have someone else. If you go back to him you will have to change for him because he will have won and will always have that against you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (1 October 2011):
 We guys will do all sorts of goofy things whilest the girl we just dumped is in romantic limbo....
HOWEVER, as often happens, she learns that we (the guy) ISN'T "all that PLUS a bag of potato chips"..... and moves on in her life. When THAT happens, we flip out and go in to overdrive in effort to try to make a relationship of the one that we just screwed up....
Too many girls (you sound like you'd like to become one of them....) are willing to acquiesce and allow us to make a fool of them one more time.......
Get on with your life and let this idiot go....
Good luck...
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