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female
,
anonymous
writes: MY CLOCK IS TICKING....Ok, I am almost 30 and my bf is only 25. We have been dating for almost 2.5 years. We did have a date to get married a year and a half into dating but we went about it all wrong. We started planning the day and telling our families BEFORE he even proposed to me. We only had 3 months to plan for the wedding so with the pressure and wanting to go about it more of the traditional way ... I decided to call it off and wait a little longer. SO here it is a total of 2.5 years since we started dating and I am wondering what direction our relationship is going. Ever since I kinda called it off he is now waiting for his right time. I try and ask him about it but usually he'll just say yes, I want to marry you someday. Should I wait around to find out?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of your great input....
ANY MALE OPINIONS????
EXTRA INFO I didn't mention....he has talked about kids in future tense, and us moving away to go to school somewhere together. I was married at 21 and am now 29, my first marriage didnt last long..3 years, we didnt have any kids. My bf parents are divorced too, but his mom is now remarried. I also wonder if he is hesitating now because he has a fear of divorce. I think i do to an extent too. We have actually both told eachother neither one of us wants a divorce, so when we marry its for good. He even said being married would make it easier to talk things out when things go wrong instead of just running from them or breaking up (if we were just dating). So i am just wondering how much longer its going to take until he knows hes ready. His mom told me that when she asked him about getting married to me he said " when im ready" and when she asked him "well, when do you think shell be ready?" he responded " shes probably ready now". So that says to me he knows i am wanting to know our future, and he thinks the ball is in his court.
So is he going to make a basket or throw the ball away? :(
A
female
reader, Yuna~  +, writes (20 September 2006):
 oh... this is a hard one.
The problem is you wanted him to ask you to marry him the traditional way so it's going to be memorable to you both. My questions is: is he ready to be married? I know it's easier for girls to want to marry than guys. A guy need to carry more responsiblilty as a married guy. So when he say someday, is it because he's not ready yet, or because it's not according to his plan, or he wants to give you a surprise?
My suggestion will be hint at him about you guys' future as a married couple. Don't do it so obviously though. Say: When we have OUR house, what kind of decor do you want? What kind of house chores would be divided amoung you two? What kind of jewlery do you like, gold or silver? You have to hint at him you're ready to start a life with him.
See what he's reaction to the topic of marriage. Sometimes it might be best to talk to him about it so no one is guessing. You probably know communication is the key to a relationship. You have the rights to get what you wants. It's not the old days that he kneel and bring you flower and a ring to ask you to marry him. If you really want it, tell him that you're old-fashion and think it'll be very nice if he does that.
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A
female
reader, confuused.to.hell +, writes (20 September 2006):
i have never bin in ur situation but if it was me in ur shoes id ask him when he thinks he will be ready and if he says not for ages tell him u cant wait that long u want to know where u stand as life is too short to wait for someone who is not gonna turn up
i hope u find and get what u need and want good luck
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