A
female
age
41-50,
*oraatuha
writes:someone try and convince me that i have done the right thing.i just left a relationship, because my x boyfriend is still staying with the mother of his daughter.he claims he doesn't love her, and that she has no where to go. plus she is looking after her daughter..the most important woman in his life.its only right for me. to just walk away..than stay and get hurt..or keep being jealousy....someone just tell me i did the right thing. because am hurting as hell because i love him so much.....and he loves me too..if he loves me..let him sort out his family mess...n come back clean..if he doesn't want to sort it out...let him go to hell
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broke up, his ex, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, doraatuha +, writes (27 September 2011):
doraatuha is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhis been living with his X, for four years.Their daughter is four yearsAnd apparently he took the drastic decision to have a baby with her, because his mother was dying of cancer, and he wanted to give her a last gift.The arragement was,: the gal was suppsedly going to be married off and he wanted a baby for his dying mother.so they decided to help each other out. She would then avoid being married off.there was no love in the whole arragement;So she get the baby, and she starts staying with him.The mother died before the child was born.I meet him one year back.and we become friends...we fall in love with each other. And i think i can stand it, but after while(when i get to really love him), i dont think i can share him with anyone.And ofcourse him being a man. He must be sleeping with him, once in a while. Thought i would see him practically everyday. Not nights, because we have to work the next days. plus they stay in his own house;Him leaving it for my flat, should be a decision he would want to take, not me forcing the idea on him.His just unfair. I think his scared to make a decision. Either good or bad for our relationship. So i did it for us.I love him....i just cant bare to be his mistress of sorts.I figured i let him go. If he loves me as much as he does. He will sort out his life first
A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (26 September 2011):
 Yes you did the right thing. These things are never what either party profess them to be and you do not want to be sitting around wondering what is going on all the time. When he leaves the ex and recontacts you then you can consider taking him back but no woman would ever toilerate the situation as it is whatever his reasons are. Well done for being strong.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 September 2011):
Yes, you have made the right decision. You don't even really know if they'd split up or if he was just cheating. Leave him in the past.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): You need to give us more info like how long have you been togther? You sound kinda angry. Ofcourse I would not like it if my guy was still living with his ex but things arent simple when you have kids together, and it might be this is the case. You gave us no indication that they are sleeping togther and he's told her that he doesnt love her. Maybe he cant afford to move out? We are in a recession you know and rent has become very high. Why havnt you offered for him to move in with you or get somewhere togethr? You really need to give us more information cos at the moment it just sounds like an angrt rant.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): It's a difficult one to answer without knowing a bit more.
How long have you guys been involved? How long was he with his ex? How old is his daughter? When did they split up? Is she seeing anyone at the moment?
It does seem really strange to me that he lives with her. However if his daughter is still really young and his ex can't work, he wouldn't want them out on the street. Does she have family that could help? Can she get council housing or is she on a waiting list?
Personally I'd wait until he sorts things out and then try again, but I would talk to him about it and explain how you feel. If his ex being around is very temporary (ie under a month), then I'd probably stick around and see how things go. If this has been going on for a while, steer clear.
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