A
female
age
30-35,
*ockandrose
writes:Ok, so I'm 20 and have been seeing this guy (27 years old) for 6 months now, but we haven't progressed at all. He hates relationships and said from the start he didn't want one, which was fine by me as I was still getting over an ex and didn't want anything serious. However, over time, I have found myself falling for him... decided to end things on Wednesday night before I got hurt. Explained the situation and how I felt to hun, and said I couldn't be with him if sex and a few dates were all it was ever going to be. He can be really sweet and affectionate sometimes and is there for me when I need him, but then it's like he frightens himself and backs off... But anyway, when I spoke to him he confirmed my fear - that things weren't ever going to change. So I walked away. I've been really down about it and miss him but feel it was the right thing to do. HOWEVER - he has since set these two texts which have confused me...WEDNESDAY NIGHT:I really don't like to see you upset. I'd just like to point out that I only came out tonight to see you and only stayed much later than I was going to because of you. I'm really sorry that you have changed your stance on relationships and that I am not the man you need right now. I hope you can find someone who gives you what you want and I am very sad that I can no longer fill that requirement. I hope that we can continue to talk and hang out as I very much enjoy your company and you as a person are quite amazing. Just wish situations were different. Have a nice evening.FRIDAY NIGHT:The other night caught me by surprise a little so I possibly didn't help the conversation. I could quite easily have said there was a possibility of more, and there might have been, but I really don't know for certain and it would have been worse to say 'yes, there could be' and for it then not to happen. If that makes sense? I just didn't want to lie to you or suggest something that I wasn't absolutely certain would become true. I thank you for your honesty, to tell me was definitely the right thing to do. I hated seeing you so upset though. Never meant for that....I don't know whether he likes me and wants to be with me or what? Whether I should give him another chance or do you think I'll be back at square one? I need some outside thoughts on the matter as don't want to let my emotions get in the way. What do you think he means by these texts? So confusing and cryptic!Thanks x
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female
reader, curiosity1103  +, writes (2 May 2011):
GeeGee is right. He cares about you, but still does not want a committed relationship now- or in the forseeable future. Some men are just that way. My aunt had a simliar situation where he told her that he never wanted to get married or have kids... after a couple YEARS she decided that she did want those things and left him. They are still good friends, but he still to this day has never wanted or got- married or kids... However because she waited so long for him, now she still is single and without kids and is almost 50. Move on now while there is still time to get what you want out of life...
Good Luck!
A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (2 May 2011):
 Please don't let his kindness confuse you. Nothing has changed. He still doesn't want a committed relationship at this time and he is being as honest as he can be about that with you.
You were right to break up with him and move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): How do you get from those texts he wants to be with you? He's telling you to find another guy and that he's sorry you've changed your mind about being sex buddies but if you are not sure, he'll be there to have sex with while you are deciding.
The second text is him wanting to make sure you don't think he's a total ass for using you for sex because if you think that, he may not get sex from you in the future when you are having a weak moment or miss him.
Hon, he's not asking for a chance at a relationship. I hope you didn't cut this off in order for him to see the light and want you as a girlfriend. It's very clear he doesn't.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (1 May 2011):
 wed. night sounds like he likes you as a person so is sad that he's disappointed you, but he sounds like he doesn't really know what he wants--friday night says, he didn't want to lead you on [commit further to you]if it turned out you AREN'T what he wants. I think you made the right decision, he had a chance to jump at you and commit further and even though anyone might be caught off-guard by a breakup, it's not like he's really retracted it, he's just reiterating his mixed feelings, particularly in the most recent text. He sounds like a nice person, in that he does care that he's hurt you or that you wanted more and he wasn't sure or willing to give it to you, but that he wasn't sure or willing to give it to you is key. Hope that helps.
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