A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,My relationship with my mother has always been strained. We never do the traditional hug/kiss/I love you mom! thing. I just never understood it, however, I do understand that she cares for me and wants the best for me. I want to make her happy and proud of me as well. We don't share secrets and we don't talk that often. We don't bond, so it's hard for me to tell her about personal things in my life sometimes.Here's the problem: I'm not good with school. I failed to complete high school, but I made it up and went on to college. I did well for the first few semesters until my fiance at the time broke up with me.I failed one class. It was just one class but it was enough to disqualify me from financial aid. This semester I was struggling with my depression as well as extreme financial issues [can't get a job without experience, can't get experience without a job] and my mom over my head about the money she needs for rent. [I take loans out and give them to her automatically.]My plan was to just transfer to another college and receive financial aid again, but then I found out I was doing very well in the classes I have right now. I will barely be passing them with a C, if I pass them at all.That will lower my GPA down to 1.6 at least. It's ridiculous. I mess up one semester and it snowballed into something much more.I am severely disappointed with myself. I've yet to tell my mom about my mistake. Instead I've fibbed and said that they kept moving the dates for my aid over and over again while I worked hard to find a job.It turns out that I might not receive money at all anyways, even if I go to another college, since my GPA will be too low for it. It turns out I probably have to tell her anyways.I broke her heart with the high school thing. How do I tell her that I did so bad they took me off of aid? There's no easy way to tell her and I've held off for months.Please. Only positive answers. I know I messed up terribly with school. I've been beating myself up over it for the past months.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): To chigirl - In America once you have a bad Academic record (GPA) you are inelegible for ANY kind of financial aid. His only option is going to another school or stay at that one and pay it out of pocket until your GPA reaches a certain point average. (refer to SAR standards on the FASFA) THat is your only option to get financial aid again, but it CAN be possible! You just have to write an appeal letter to your school.That is another idea, iif there were outside circumstancces that made you slip up on the semester, or earlier semester (financial hardship, working to support family, illness, death...even psyhcological treatment) talk to your fin aid counselor. There could be an appeal form. The appealform and letter also ahve to include WHY did this happen, and what have you done to correct it.A friend went through this,she ended up paying out of pocket for a semester, got straight As, appealed and was readmitted into financial aid.Good luck.Look up financial aid appeals.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 April 2013):
 Also, have you considered part time studying? Taking fewer classes in the semester? I didn't take 100% studies, I took around two out of three classes each semester until my final year of my bachelors. I did this because I was working on the side, and I was also going through some rough patches (like I told you, I broke up with my then fiancè). Part time studying was great for me. Yes, it meant getting there later, but with better grades, and with more time to take care of myself and my own needs. Listen to yourself and what your body and mind needs, and don't overdo things. Just because others study full time and work full time (I know some superhumans who are even newly mothers who do both) doesn't mean YOU can do it. It's not for everyone to do the exact same at the exact same speed. We're all different. Allow yourself to take more time if that is what you need right now. It is much better to take it slow now, than to find yourself burned out and in deep depression a year from now.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (21 April 2013):
Does your mom know you take up loans? You NEED to tell her. It is ridiculous that you should take up loans like that, when still living at home. If you were to live on your own you would surely get some form of government support, would you now? Rather than take up loans?
Do not ruin your future by getting into debt with these loans. Some loans are manageable, don't be too concerned, but these loans are turning into a downward spiral. You can't repeatedly take out new loans over and over and over like this! You need to stop!
You didn't break her heart with the high school thing. I understand she'd be disappointed, not in you, but for your. Disappointed WITH you, as you were also disappointed. But not disappointed of you, you are not her employee, you do not owe it to her to do better than your best. Always do your best, and you are doing your best. Yes, so you failed a class or two, so what. I did too. I failed two classes in high school and had to take them up, and I was at risk of failing in almost all my classes. But I sorted it out, miraculously and by chance. I got to university, and I did poorly, I had tons of D's my first year and a half. Then I picked it up, got a random B here and there and got to do my masters. Things pick up, I improved, and so will you. Just because you fail a few classes does not mean you aren't smart, capable, and can accomplish great things in life. Do not let grades tell you anything about yourself, you know who you are. Grades are just grades, and they really do not matter much in the big picture.
I had a hard time finding my first job too, I know how it is. I picked up tons of summer jobs randomly here and there, low paid. I then got a lucky break through an aunt of mine who knew someone who was hiring. Try your connections, talk to people, ask if they know someone who knows someone who is hiring. Take shit jobs that no one else wants, it builds up your experience and makes you an attractive employee.
Try hospitals and care centers, they tend to need people around the clock and at odd hours and weekends and holidays etc. I worked in the hospital for 8 years, not on contract but on a day to day basis. They couldn't hire me, but there was always work, and I just wrote up my hours and at the end of each month handed it in.
Don't give up, even if things look dark right now. I know how love life can screw things up, I broke up with my fiancè my first year of University and that's probably also a reason why I got such low grades that year. That's life! Stuff happens, and you went through a very rough time. Do you know that so many people can't even carry on during such hard times? They drop out of school completely, many do. You stuck in there and carried on, so that shows you are a strong person.
But you NEED to tell your mom right away, and discuss this rent that you pay her. Tell her the truth, that you have no money, that you can't contribute until you find a job. What can she do? Kick you out? What good would that do her? It is better for her to have you at home, rent free, and to help out with house work and cleaning etc, than to kick you out and give you even more worries. She'll not do that I am sure.
I can not stress this enough: NO MORE LOANS. These loans can be a burden on your shoulders for the rest of your life if you do not get it cleaned up fast.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (21 April 2013):
School is tough and while I understand this sort of education is needed, it is far from the end of the world as people make it to be. A lot of people live on low income and are actually quite happy lol. You will just have to find an entry level job and work your way from there, making contacts and such because I happen to think that it is more about who you know.
Just tell your mom. Even if she is disappointed, you will feel 100x better than building up all these lies.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2013): Oo honey, once you sit down and tell her you will feel so much better.. 'm a mother of 3 our oldest autistic and as very complex needs, yet to look at him you wouldn't understand that .. My children would never disappoint me, yes I would feel bad for them if they got into a hole, as you have..But I would want to be able to put my thinking cap on and work out a solution .. I would never want my children to worry by themselves .And I suspect your mum is the same and would want to know so grab courage sit down and tell her..Is there any chance you could redo this year ? Explain the situation and this time exclude any relationships until your course is finished .. I find it difficult if I have to many diversions.. So limit yourself at the minute.. And I'm sorry your relationship ended.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2013): just sit down and tell your mom, if she love you she will understand its not like you giving up. you are trying, look every one have it bad the first semester, i know i did. her job as a mother is to support you not Justice you. never know your mom might help you find a job. keep your head up and stop beating yourself up its happen to the best of us. life is make to knock us down sometimes that how its make up stronger.
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A
female
reader, Faded Lights  +, writes (21 April 2013):
Don't beat yourself up about it! School is tough. Really tough. Especially with depression, financial issues and I am guessing a lack of a support system. There is no easy way to tell your mom, but you sort of have to tell her. I am sure she will be there for you and know that you tried to get everything back together. These things are very difficult and she should be able to realize that I hope and help you get through this!
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