A
female
age
51-59,
*lla Rose
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and no sex! He was in prison for 15 years before we meet and while he has never told me he had sex or was raped I have a strange feeling. He did try once to have sex with me the first year and I didn't because of how much he said he hated sex! We have had a lot of problems over the intimacy issue! I need it and he says he never thinks about it at all. I feel rejected and act out then he says he does not want to sleep with me because I bitched him out and it's one excuse after another! Every time I say i'm leaving he says it will happen! We live together and I help him a great deal with money he also helps me but I feel used at times! Last week I was on his email with his permission and found he had purchased a iphone app for a gay dating site and he had a profile on there! I don't know what to do! When confronted he went to pieces and said he was confused and left the house to stay with his mom. He asked me to give him a few days to explain. I did and when I called he had a whole other attitude! He said I have told my family that I told you I was gay which he has still not admitted to me! We own everything together! Now he wants to move back in to be roomates and share expenses and tells me to date if I want to but yet If I mention any man he gets mad and starts making remarks! ANd he says that we can't get around this in a way he can be with me the way I want him too! Is he really gay? if so Why be with a woman to begin with? What do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2013): Oh honey, I really feel bad for you. He has been using you. The fact that he has an account on a gay web page confirms hid attraction to males not you. You were interested but for5 years he wasn't. This is good though because you are not sexually attached.
I hope you can see that after 5 years alone with you, he desires men end of story. We are giving you opinions but put all the faxts on a poster board and map it out. Looking at it on paper may help you to see.
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (21 April 2013):
Dear OP,
I couldn't agree more with AuntyEm.
The guy didn't like to face the fact he's gay, so he said he hates sex and used you and your hopes to build a stable live. Maybe he didn't do it really on purpose, but that doesn't matter. Break up with him and separate your belongings. It's going to be hard, but worth it. You need a clean cut before this can heal. You deserve to be with a man who loves you, wants intimacy with you. And you can't find that one as long as you're having jealous gay roommate/ex who'll not let you start to have a life of your own. He has a family to support him, he'll survive, don't let him use you any more.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (21 April 2013):
 You are not the first and neither will you be the last woman to be used by a confused gay man who is in denial.
A friend of mine who has 4 children discovered her husband and faher to her children was gay...and he left her for a much older man!!
She, a you can imagine, was devastated and it took her years to rebuild her life.
We live in a society where people still feel shame if they are homosexual. People are side lined into heterosexual relationships because the are an easier route to stability and normality...but he truth will always come out!!
This guy you are with was in prison for a long time. I wuld imagine that coming back into society was terrifying and he probably latched onto you as a safe haven.
You have provided a home and financial support and most likely helped him greatly to get back on his feet...now he has decided to 'come out' sexually and tha leave you on the 'redundant' pile.
What you thought was love...wasn't. You probably gave and gave because you thought it would make him love you more...it didn't.
Now he wants to be roomies, so he does not have to move out, but he also does not have to be your boyfriend anymore...how convienient for him.
I would treat it like a divorce, divide your assets and go your separate ways, because you will NEVER recover and move on all the while he is still living under your roof.
You need to stop providing him with money immediately...let him support himself...and you need to focus on youself and put yourself on a new path...because this one is DONE!!!
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