A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I've got a very good friend that happens to be a lot younger than me. He's in his twentys and I am in my in my fortys. I don't consider him a kid but as as someone on my own level. I am acquainted with his mother who is actually closer to my age. Even though I consider him on my level he has looked up to me for advice and he has respected my opinion. After I am much older and expierienced. I feel very bad about something very personal that he told me and I think there is a very good chance it will get back to him. His girl friend has been having a hormone problem. They haven't had sex in over a year and she refuses to get on hormone therapy. She thinks it would make her less of a woman. I made the mistake of telling another friend(a woman) about this because I wanted a woman's opinion. I had the best of intentions at heart. She went and told another friend and I'm sure that it's only a matter of time before it gets back to him. How can I tell him that I'm sorry I betrayed his confidence? How do I bring it up?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010): Thanks everyone that responded. I really do feel horrible. His girl friend is a very sweet girl and I feel really bad for her. I think she's going through a really rough time right now. He's looked up to me and respected my opinion as an older guy yet I'm really at a loss to know what to say. I think I should have just told him that bascially I didn't what to say about their situation. I do intend to tell him about what happens. I just hope he understands. As for my female friend that I told this too I don't know what to say to her. She confided in me that her boyfriend has been having some sexual problems of his own. I'm never going to say a word about that to anyone. He's a decent guy and I've already embarrassed one couple and I'm not stooping to that level.
A
female
reader, Jex  +, writes (5 June 2010):
There is really no way to fix that, although you can bring it up to him in such a way that he may understand more. You can say something like, "Hey remember that situation with your girlfriend that you talked to me about? I asked a female friend about it because I thought she'd be able to give me a bit more insight, and I think she may have spoken to someone else about it." Try to explain to him that your intentions were good, and that you have never betrayed his trust before and didn't realize it would be an issue.In the future, you could have asked your female friend her opinion without using names. That way, you could get the answers you were looking for without putting your friend and his girlfriend on the spot, thus eliminating the worry about him finding out that you told someone else about his issue.
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A
female
reader, MsBehavin +, writes (5 June 2010):
 Invite him over for a beer and just come out with it. Apologize, explain you were only trying to be helpful; you wanted to reduce his anxiety by offering an additional perspective. He may respect you for having the integrity to accept your mistake and face the consequences head on. And he may get super pissed off at you. Either way, own it. At the very least, don't you suppose he'd prefer to hear it directly from you as opposed to hearing it from the rumor mill?
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A
female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (5 June 2010):
 I think you just have to step up to the plate and explain to him what youve just said here. If you are sure its only a matter of time until it gets back to him, its better to be honest about it now, rather than get found out. Tell him you had good intentions at the time and explain how ashamed and sorry you are.
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A
female
reader, Sakuracherry  +, writes (5 June 2010):
I understand your conundrum. But i think its waaay better if he hears it from you first than from someone else. Explain to him why you did it and really hope he understand your point of view and why you did it out of concern and that you had the best intentions. He might be upset or distance himself for a while, but he will soon see that you only want the best for him and are a true friend. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (5 June 2010):
It depends. Did you tell this woman it was confidential and that you didn't want it to get out? If so, she violated that promise. Tell her you will not ask for her advice again.
Now, onto your friend. You can do two things:
1. Let it run it's course and explain when it reaches him
2. Do damage control prior. Go up to him and be honest. Tell him you were thinking about his problem, but that you didn't know what to think of it because you can't relate. Tell him you consulted someone else for her opinion on it and that she passed it on (without your consent). Tell him you're extremely sorry this happened, but that it proves once again people with extra life experience misjudge people as well.
Then wait and see. He will probably be disappointed, maybe even angry. But if you're sincere and show what you've shown me: that you genuinely care about his problems, I'm sure he won't be angry for long.
After that, tell the gossiping woman she can go apologise to your friend, because thanks to her the news is spreading like wildfire.
Hope this helps!
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