A
male
age
30-35,
*va-Genesis
writes:How do I have her to open up? My girlfriend broke up with me because she said she wasn't happy with herself, and wanted to find herself. I freaked out, but eventually it happened. She doesn't want to talk to me, and if we do it's awkward. She has admitted she still is in love with me, but when we talk she holds back so much I wonder if she does love me but doesn't wish to be with me anymore. When she broke up with me I went into a very depressive mood. I know I hurt her by this, so I wonder if she just can't be with me because it's "too much." Today that we spoke she told me through the phone we aren't the same, but I am wondering if she means it in that we aren't together so she won't be loving with me, or that she can't see an us anymore. I'm still waiting and giving her full support with her journey, but I'm lost as far as what she feels. How can I find out? She still messages me with hints (I believe) that she still wants me. I could be mistaken however.
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female
reader, diamondshards  +, writes (21 June 2012):
You don't say how long it's been since the breakup- but it's fairly clear from the post that it's not been enough time. Time may not heal wounds, but it does make them better- so give her time. Maybe contact her one last time and tell her this- that you still want to be there for her and help her, but will do so when she feels like it's right. This way, you place the ball in her court without pressuring her too much. {Call her to do this- no texts or IMs, too impersonal.}
After this, I'd suggest not contacting her again and see how she behaves. You may want to go on with your life best you can in the meantime- leave the door open for her, but don't just spend your days staring at it to see if she does cross it. Your first responsibility is toward yourself and your own happiness.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (21 June 2012):
 How about taking a break of, say, six months, from contact with this girl? That time will give BOTH of you a "clean slate" in life, allowing you (both) to step back from the pressure of the "relationship" that you (both) are not sure if you're having......
Make a date for lunch in mid-December... then step back and wait for that date....
Good luck....
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