A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I want to know if a guy I dated was my soulmate, and if so how to do I get over him?So my sophomore year of high school I had a class with this guy... and immediately felt a connection. We both wanted to take it slow and not rush into things, but it's really hard to do that when you're so crazy about each other. We started dating after knowing each other for only a couple of weeks. Though our chemistry was so strong, we never had sex, even though we both greatly desired it. One day he told me he loved me, and said "it's okay if you don't say it back right now, because I only want you to say it when you mean it." And I didn't say it, even though I had never felt so strongly about anyone before.2 months into it he broke up with me, said he couldn't handle his emotions. I was a wreak. I immediately started seeing other guys to try to forget about it. One guy I started to get more serious with... and waited a long time before dating him because I didn't want to rush into another relationship.To make a long story short, that relationship lasted 9 months, and by the time I got out of it I was 15 pounds heavier, depressed, and my bright spirit had been broken. Manipulation, guilt, and immense emotional abuse had kept me in for so long.The night that I officially ended that relationship I saw my ex. We hugged for the longest time... and talked the whole night. He changed a bit. For one, he was no longer a virgin. He lost it to a girl over the summer. One thing that he asked that stands out to me is, "Are you still a virgin?" Apparently he was really scared that I wasn't.It felt so good to see him again, and spend time with him, but I was not the same person that I was, and I wasn't getting the help that I needed. I made so many sacrifices for other people. If he was feeling depressed, I would stay up all night talking to him just to comfort him, but what troubled me was that I couldn't say that he'd do the same for me. And he didn't.A month later we had a big fight, and I said some things that I wished so badly that I could take back. But the damage had been done, and he would not talk to me. This hurt me so badly, but as I am not one to be desperate or pathetic, I pretended to not care and just move on. Instead I became the polar opposite of what I had just been coming out of the bad relationship: a "strong, sexy, power bitch." In other words, I was not afraid of anything or anyone, I didn't care about anyone except myself, (or at least I pretended to) and I didn't need a man. This character I began to play brought a lot of excitement and strength into my life that I hadn't had in a long time, but it could not hide the hurt I had for long. Eventually, I had a complete mental breakdown. I left school because I couldn't handle the stress of it all anymore. I was put on antidepressants in addition to the ritalin I was already taking for ADD.I was out of school for 2 1/2 months. When I finally get some clarity into my life, I returned to school. And strangely, the day I returned the guy I had dated for 2 months called me. He asked why I had been away for so long. After I explained to the best of my ability, he was gone. And he didn't talk to me ever again that year.Fast forwarding 2 years later, he enters my life again. After 1 year of not hooking up with any guys, and 2 years of not dating at all, I entered a new relationship. I started having stronger feelings for him, but I was scared that that was because he reminded me of my ex.A month into the relationship, my ex contacted me. After not talking to him at all for over 2 years. Of course I was shocked and confused. But nevertheless, we began texting.A month after that, I woke up one morning and had knots in my stomach. Though my relationship with my boyfriend was great, somehow I knew that it was going to end soon. I texted my boyfriend simply saying that I was afraid of losing him- because of our very different places we are in our lives-, but that I would accept it. What I did not foresee was that he would take it that we should break up that night.Simply put, I was an emotional wreak. I was ashamed of myself because I couldn't stop crying.I began writing, and came to many great realizations about myself and my life, profound realizations. And I finally felt peace.Literally a minute later my ex called me and asked me if I wanted to hangout. I hadn't hungout with this kid in 2 years, yet something told me that I should go.We hugged for a very, long time. We talked, and kissed. That night it became very clear to me that we had a connection, and apparently a strong one because it had survived for 3 years.But the next day, he didn't talk to me, and hasn't talked to me since. And this is where I am today.I don't know if we are soulmates, or why it is that I still have feelings for him despite the fact that we only dated for 2 months, which was 3 years ago. I've been with many guys before, and since then, but never felt anything nearly as strong as what I feel for him.And the thing is, he hasn't dated a single girl since me. I don't know what that means, or the significance of him telling me this the night that I saw him last.Please, if there is anyone who can some light on this subject I would greatly appreciate it.Is this guy my "soulmate"? Why do I have feelings for him that I can't get rid of, even with 3 years? What should I do?
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broke up, depressed, emotionally abusive, ex called, move on, my ex, soulmate, still a virgin, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): Yes, it must seem impossible to get over this guy, if after three years you still have feelings. But I think that is because he has always been coming in and out of your life. It's not like you have had three years of no contact - he keeps reappearing into your life, you meet up and try again...and so the cycle continues.
I can't guarantee that you will ever get over him. I guess no one can ever know that. But I do believe that you can if you set your mind to it, if you decide once and for all that enough is enough. And it will mean standing firm, being tough, not giving in to any temptations to meet him or speak to him. That can be hard, not only because of how it feels, but also because of possible pressure from him to meet. But I think it is the only way.
There may be a connection between you, but it doesn't sound like a healthy or positive one. Some connections are actually negative. Even if you believe you are soulmates, it doesn't seem to be working. Maybe in the future, in years to come...who knows? But right now, you only have the present. And the current situation with him is not a good one. That is what you have to concentrate on. It is certainly not easy, I'm with you on that. But if the situation as it stands now is so upsetting and painful for you...what have you got to lose by trying another way? Just some thoughts.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): From the inquirer:
there is soo much more to this situation than what I could write in that very long "question." And thank you to everyone for their time and answers.
To SeeingStars, thank you so much for giving me such an in-depth answer. It's really helping me to wake up to the situation. But it's hard because I do know in my heart that I can't be with him, and yet 3 years have past and I'm still not over him. I wished a long time ago that I'd forget about him, but how do I do that if those feelings won't go away?
It's not like it's been a couple months after the breakup; it's been 3 years. Sometimes I wish I had never met him so that I wouldn't even be in this mess, but the only reason why I truly don't regret it is because of what I've learned.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (17 October 2010):
 cut him out of your life and stop letting him creep back in. you are not getting over him because you keep being reminded of him because thats what his behaviour is trying to cause, its better to cut your losses and make a clean break.
get him out of your life NOW
soulmate or not his behaviour makes you feel bad, why would you want that?
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A
female
reader, confusoholic  +, writes (17 October 2010):
 Hmm.
I understand the thing about the connection.:)
And the whole soulmate thing too...
but the point is...maybe He is your soulmate but aren't meant to be together...atleast for now :)
I think you need to sit down and seriously think...what you really want from your life now.
1. how old are you? Don't let ur love life take over every thing else.
2. Don't let anyone be the center of your universe...otherwise you'll be shattered and that's not being fair to urself.
3. Talk to this guy. See if you actually have a shot at being together, if yes ; you need to be 100% in2 d rel'ship - BOTH of you! :) IF not, sweetie - you'll meet someone else.
4.Don't be so hard on yourself. Love is not a feeling that dies...just give it time...keep yourself busy...forget being sad...:)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): This situation sounds quite upsetting and confusing for you. I think the reason you still have feelings for this guy is because it has never really been "over". What I mean is, he has always been there somehow. There has never really been a clean break, a final goodbye. He keeps popping up, you meet again, and of course it keeps the cycle of emotions going.
I believe in soulmates too. But I also believe that even if someone is our soulmate, it doesn't necessarily mean that things will work out, or that we should stay with them. I believe that soulmates can teach us important things. But there may be a time when it is best to let go.
Maybe this guy is a soulmate. I understand the connection you describe. I felt that for one guy too, and I do believe he was a soulmate. But the relationship became destructive, much like your relationship with this guy. So in the end, I ended things and walked away. It was hard, it hurt, and I missed him terribly at first. I thought I would never move on, never get over him. But I cut off all contact between us, and eventually it happened. I moved on. I no longer have feelings for him, although I'm not sure how he now feels.
The point is, soulmate or not, this relationship or connection does not sound positive at all. It sounds terribly upsetting for you, and this guy's unpredictable behaviour is playing havoc with your emotions. You do not have to put up with this or endure it because you think you may be soulmates. Maybe this is trying to teach you about putting yourself first. I don't know. But what I am understanding is, this guy seems to bring a lot of turbulence and upset to you.
I know you have feelings for him and you care. But I honestly think it would be best for you to walk away from this guy. It sounds like it may be difficult, as he keeps coming back, just like my ex did. When he does this, it is bound to make you confused, and wonder if you two have a chance. But from the pattern that has been taking place for so long, I can't see things changing.
My advice would be to walk away from him, cut off contact as best as you can, and ignore any attempts from him to talk to you or meet. It sounds harsh, but I think that is the only real way you can get over someone. I guess you can ask him what is going on, and try and get things clarified. But if he tends to ignore you, there is little point.
It is of course your choice on what you decide to do. This is just one perspective on the situation. I hope things improve for you soon, take care.
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A
female
reader, kkkay +, writes (17 October 2010):
I know somebody who had a boyfriend, they only dated for 3 months yet she loved him. It`s been 2 years since they were last together,yet, whenever this girl seems to be moving on, he somehow enters her life,again.
He was playing games with her, she thought he loved her, but, he didn`t. This girl is my sister and whenever the two of them speak she ends up crying. He makes her very unhappy,yet, she wants to be with him. She believes that he`s the only one for her. Whenever they don`t speak my sister finally gets over him and she begins to feel very happy.
My point is, you`ll find someone else. Someone who will make you very happy. But you have got to try and forget about your ex, it might be hard to do but it will work in the end. Maybe you should change your number and make sure that if you see him then walk away. He doesn`t sound like your soulmate. If you make sure he`s out of your life then you WILL get over him.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (17 October 2010):
 Ok its possible that you have feelings for this guy as you have made a lot of bad decisions and you were happy when you were with him therefore you feel he is your soul mate.
But he is starting to ignore you now again and you deserve to be treated better than that. It sounds like he is not to bothered with you as he suddenly just stopped talking to you again.
The only way you can find out if there is a future here between the both of you is to ask him why he has stopped talking to you again, tell him you had a great time meeting up with him and that you would like to be in contact with him and see what happens.
Dont expect to much from him and if he doesnt want to meet up and catch up then i think its best that you try and forget about him and get on with your life.
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