A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i have posted her before and was happy with the mature responses i got so im back for some advice and opinion. my on and off girlfriend have had some huge communication issues. I am a talker and she is not. i am dealing with the fact that she had sex with someone else the other day when i thought we were on a "on" period and she said we were "off" I am discusted by it. The other night she said that i dont care for her anymore (via text) i was at work so i text back that i do care and lets see eachother after work and we can talk. well she came to my appartment later that night and i was doing all the talking as she sat there and looked off in space. its ok if i sit there and tell her how much i love her and give her constant reassurance but if i have a issue with something she is doing or how we cant talk i alwats bring it up with "i feel .....". she will take offence and turn it around and say everything is her fault. i said how bad i feel that she was with someone else and she got mad. i feel she cheated and to me it seems as if it was no big deal to her she was drinking and a friend stopped over but she did text me that she was sorry about that. after about 2 hours of me talking to the wall and her looking at it i said if this is gona to work we have to talk. i said lets start by bringing up something about the other that we love. i brought up a few things and she didnt say a word. she wanted to leave and i asked her why did you come down if she didnt want to talk she said she didnt know. she wanted to leave and i said that we have a golden opp. to talk and start over with baby steps and talking. she was crying and said she was going to go. a logic resopnce would be thats this is a doomed relationship but after beeing conditioned to this for some time my emotions say i have to be the one to patch things up, maybe i should have kept my mouth shut. before she left i told her that i will not sit here with my mouth shut and will say how i feel. i am not going to feel like a dog on a leash. during this so called talk i did not yell, call her names or even use 4 letter words. i was calm. thanks for reading my post and look foward to any thought on this matter of the heart.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks rescuer. this all started some time ago when she began to push the marrige button real hard and wasn't nice about it. I told her i wanted to engage her but i see a red flag that her abbility to communicate to me was "off" when she is happy she is great but when she isnt she is always mad. its not a healthy anger cuz she will hold it in and it seems to me that she willtwist things around in her mind so things are my fault. i am not perfect but i have been very supportive of her eventhought she dont think so. she may have depression issues but will not see a proffessional. she will just keep it all bottled up. i have talked to her about all of this but she just gets mad
A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (17 October 2010):
You sound as if you've been doing everything right as to trying to communicate. But you can't make someone talk or want to talk and open up. And it really doesn't seem as if she wants to. You've put it out there and she isn't responding. If this goes on, I think you know that it won't work.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 October 2010):
 Ok well at least you are thinking with a clear head and you realise that the only way this is going to work is if the both of you start communicating, you know this so it sounds like its her that needs to start working on this relationship if she wants it to work out.
She is acting like she done nothing wrong by sleeping with this other man, this shows a complete break down of communication as she thought you were on a break and you clearly didnt think that you were.
I think this is make or break for your relationship as if i am honest she doesnt seem to really care if she is with you or not, it sounds like she has given up.
So the only thing you can do here is tell her if she is not going to talk to you and tell you how she feels then you are as well breaking up as you need to be able to talk to each other and resolve your problems, if she is not going to do this maybe suggest you both go to couple therapy this might get her to open up more.
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