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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: my husband.loves me as a wife.he has fallen in love.he also remain in contect with his college and says she is just a friend.and his love is virtual.he feels his part is missing he does not forget her.but he is mine and will be till the end of his life.i know his love is emot.ional.but i feel jealousy.he told me every thing except the name.he says he want to remain in love with me but in jealousy i checked his p.c.he came to know and says no relationship with out trust. and i have lost the trust..he has forgiven but now....the situation is worst..i can not live with out his love.i love him too much.also mental leval diffrencesust..what topics can we discus?how can gain the trust. and control jealousy?how can help him.reply quick and soon.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 April 2010):
 Ok darling- tell me something, I am afraid I did not understand. Explain me so perhaps I can give you advice.
Has your husband at least accepted to end his emotional affair ? Has he accepted to cut contacts with that woman ? ( If he said yes and then he still calls her, that's another story. We'll see. One thing at a time ).
Or is he still calling her and e-mailing her and wants you just to be quiet and suffer waiting in time his love for the "emotional affair " willl go away ?
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (22 April 2010):
Hi, I was gonna answer your postiung of April 21st saying, ok, try to relax, do not nag him, do not pester him, he may be still thinking about her, but after all he has cut contact with her and he is staying with you...
But I read yr posting of today and I realized I must have misunderstood - he is still having his emotional affair with this woman, he says he is gonna leave her ,but "he can't disheart her ". Pray tell me why he can't. ? Because it's better to break your heart ???
I'd say you have to take a stand here- if he accepts to cut contacts with her- and really does it, then you can accept to not obsess about it and drop the subject so you can let time heal all your wounds. But if he is not making any effort to save your relationship and just wants you to grin and bear- oh no, that's not fair at all. It takes two people to save a relationship, you cannot do it in your own ,he has to do his part too.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (6 April 2010):
If you want you can send a private message to my mailbox on this site. It will not be posted and I'll be the only one to read it. I hope to hear from you- and in the meantime just stay cool and don't freak out , ok ? :)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (5 April 2010):
Ok . the good news is that you both are willing to save your marriage and that your husband understands that if he wants to be with you he need to give up his infatuation (because that's what it is. ).
The bad news is that this not easy either for him or for you and it's gonna be tough for a while, but this was to be expected.
Don't freak out, keep your cool. Be supportive, be calm, be affectionate,be patient AND be firm. No more fooling around with his PC. Make him promise than get off his case. He knows that if he should relapse you will not take it well at all.
Try not to worry too much. This is an infuatation, a fantasy love which is not grounded in everyday real life. Of course if he keeps fuelling, it won't lose momentum. But if he stops- it will just fade away and he will give his heart back to you. It's like when you quit smoking- he's having withdrawal sumptoms. Eventually,his addiction will go away.
P.S: I am a sis, not a bro lol!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (5 April 2010):
Strange way to put it. YOU have to regain his trust and his love ?... In my opinion if one bothers to marry at all , it's because he chooses and commits to give his love to his wife exclusively, both physical and emotional. If he has a virtual lover whom he's always pining for, he not cgeating on you technically, but he is surely detracting from your marriage a lot of attention and emotional energy.
Maybe your husband has no fault if he has fallen in love and he cannot control his feelings. But he can control his actions , and he can ( and should ) stop any contact whatsoever with this woman and work with you on rebuilding the bond between you. Is he willing to do that ? Did you ask him to ?
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