A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dont know what to do here! please help, sorry ahead of time this is kind of long.I work at a book store that this girl is a customer of. ( we have a strict rule about not asking out customers, reasonable rule, i have no arguments about it) Shes shopped with us for about a year and a half. I've had a MASSIVE crush on her but she had a long term boyfriend who she came in with all the time, but mainly just her and i talked. He didnt seem as interested in all the stuff around.I'm an artist and she's a singer, so we followed each other on instagram and messaged sometimes. Nothing flirty or anything (note the store rule) but she was always nice. She commisioned some work from me that i basiclly gave her for free and some other stuff. It made me really happy to see her so happy. (plus i had more stuff to put in my portfolio) We even hung out a bit at a local comic convention that had been around.She then got in a band as lead, and she invited me to her first concert (i think she invited a bunch of people) So i got the day off saying it was my birthday. (my b day was the next day) and went. It took an hour to get there but i made it.That's when i realized, I was head over heels for this girl. I just drove an hour to see a peformece of a girl who already has a BF! I must be insane!She seemed really happy to see me but mentioned she was going thorugh some stuff right now and was couch surfing. I felt awful for her, but i was excited she was excited for the show. And she was INCREDIBLE! I dont know what the feeling was but i wanted to be around her for as long as i could. She even gave me a birthday shoutout on stage!When we were done, i messaged her on insta saying how much i loved her band, it was so inspirational I drew her band a logo they could use if they wanted, just gave it to her. I asked her was she okay. I said I thought she was living with her Bf, was everything okay? She said she was, but had ended things with him. I gave her my number in case she wanted to talk, she thanked me for my concern and that she loved the logo.a few months passed but she never really responded when i asked her if she wanted to hang out do somthing. However, she kept saying she wanted to see me and hang out cause she had gotten me a gift and wanted to give me it to me. I tried once again to see her for another month, just messaging her every now and then if she wanted to join me to a movie or just hang out, stuff like that.I went out of my way not to seem like i was asking her none stop or seem harassing, but then i decided to just ask her, would she like to go out, like on a date. It took her an entire day to answer but she said she was already seeing someone.I just told her it was all good and message me when she was free. I never heard from her again (been about 2 months so far.)So that's where I am right now. What should I do? Should I do nothing? I liked her so much but I have no idea what to do! can i even message her to say "hi hows it going?" I have no experience with relationship stuff, this is why i needed the help.
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (8 February 2020):
 She definitely does not seem interested in dating you. She's distancing herself from you for a reason and being pushy certainly doesn't help you in any way. I'd suggest to stop hounding her and let her reach out the next time she wants to have a chat but leave it at that and don't push for more. Until then, I'd suggest that you try going on a few dates if you're really interested in finding someone to date, long-term that will actually like you for you. She's out there.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2020): Careful...you're coming across as a little "stalky!"
Best you give-up on this one, and move-on.
Relentless-pursuit isn't considered healthy in these days and times.
She's not playing hard to get, you seem hard to avoid!
Leave her alone; if she was interested, you wouldn't need to work so hard at!
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (8 February 2020):
 Sorry OP but she thinks of you as a friend or a fan but nothing else. Its sad but it happens to all of us. She had many opportunities but you'll notice she never took you up on them because she isn't interested. She seems appreciative of you and is nice when around you but I think she didn't want to come right out and say that you weren't her type. Let it go and accept it. Save your time and affection for someone who can return your feelings. She is just one of many girls in the world. Don't focus on someone who can't give you what you deserve.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 February 2020):
 I think you should accept that SHE isn't interested in you in "THAT" way.
I get it, you are crushing HARD on this girl, she is nice to you (when she does talk to you), but you are IGNORING the obvious.
IF she was as interested in YOU, getting to know you etc. SHE would have made time to see you. To "hang" out. She KNOWS you are interested in more. She isn't stupid. But I think she sees you as "just" another "follower" on her social media. That is ALSO why she invited you to the concert. TO get numbers, not so that SHE could see you or spend time with you.
She got you a gift, perhaps because you had gifted HER some art previously OR because she was hoping to get another "free" commission. It's hard to say. But she didn't really make THAT much of an effort to pass on this gift, did she?
So ACCEPT reality. She isn't into you, to the degree YOU are into her. You are in short, wasting your time chasing after this woman who you might never "have" as a partner or even a real friend. Why not look elsewhere for someone to get to know and date? Someone who would ALSO be interested in YOU? Getting to know YOU? Instead of just bolstering her "social media follower numbers"?
YOU deserve someone who WANTS to get to know you and BE with YOU.
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