A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My partner of 2 years has been amazing but in December I sadly found a girl had sent him a video of her showing her boobs and it really hurt me Cos he saved it and he promised me him and this girl were just mates they never met up but still it hurt me Cos he knows what my last relationship was like on how I was married for 8 yeArs to an abusivr man who cheated on me so much I know this partner treats me well but why is it my heart aches so much over a video that this girl sent him I want to get over it but I can’t but I don’t want to leave him
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (9 February 2020):
 Females don’t just randomly send nudes to people they’re not romantically interested in do they? I can honestly say I’ve never received naked pictures or videos from a female friend.
Are you sure this guy is as good as you say?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2020):
Look madam,a girl s biggest asset according to me is nothing but her own body..a girl will not expose her body to a stranger
she may exposed it bcz she knew your hubby more than you know him..they can sext through the phone but there is no need for meeting each other..it sad to say but your husband may be cheating u..
Otherwise the girl may be a sexy psychoooo..
Love
swapna
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (8 February 2020):
 This is so odd. It gives me all the feels that you're being played BUT I won't jump to conclusions. Regardless though, he's probably the type to talk to females/flirt with females, and think it's okay because they haven't met. Or have they? I suppose that there's no way for you to know. How could you? Even if you did, what would you do? Your past has scarred you but it's also brainwashed you at the same time. Just because this guy doesn't seem abusive, it doesn't mean that he isn't. There are various different kinds of abuse. Some are harder to spot than others. Perhaps he doesn't abuse you in the way that your ex does, so that makes him appear to be a better option, an upgrade.
He does not seem to respect you. He also undermines your intelligence. Everyone here smells a rat and you're still sniffing the air wondering if there is something that you're missing. I definitely don't send videos like that to my friends. NO platonic friendship consists of that type of behaviour, I can tell you that much.
I will say again, what I often say; everyone's dealbreakers are different. You need to discover what yours are. Would I stay with someone that plays off inappropriate behaviour as friendship, NO I would not. Will you stay? Only you can decide that. It's time for you to analyse this relationship like you never have before and figure out what you're going to do. Whatever you choose, make sure that you can live with your decision long-term without causing further harm to your psyche.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (8 February 2020):
 I think, firstly, you need to separate out your present from your past. The way someone else treated you has nothing to do with your current partner. It is not his responsibility to help you get over your past. You should have done that yourself before you got into another relationship. You two need to build a relationship which involves just the two of you, not your ex or anyone else.
That said, your current boyfriend has hurt you and made you doubt his fidelity. I do wonder how you found out about the video as it doesn't sound like he showed it to you voluntarily. When was it sent? Was it before you two became an item? Is he willing to delete it now that he realizes how upsetting you find it?
Just because this boyfriend is not abusive does not mean he is necessarily right for you but I'm not sure why I am saying that as you sound like you have already made up your mind that you are going to settle for him. The problem is, you don't trust him. Whether he is cheating or not, or will do in the future, is anybody's guess. However, would you not prefer a relationship in which you actually TRUST your partner? Where you are not checking his phone and wondering who he is communicating with and what they are sending him? Do you not think you are worth better?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2020): Correction:
I just realized it wasn't just a pic, it was a video!
Perhaps you're a little slow. How can she be one of his mates and they've never met?
You know for sure he didn't take the video, but she sent it to him?
She's just one of his mates, so it's okay. Right?
RED-FLAG!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2020): We receive a healthy number of posts about boyfriends with overly-chummy female-buddies, exes that that cling like lint; and guys who get busted for chic-pics, and porn in their search histories on their devices.
Then they include the disclaimer: "But I love him...and won't leave him!"
Ask yourself, why did he keep the pic and not delete it?
Then get a d!ck-pic of a guy you've never met , and call it even!
How and when did she get his phone number? Was the pic sent, or taken from his phone?
They've never met, you say?!! Well, wasn't it outrageously charming of her to send him a pic of her boobies?
Not sure why you posted DC? You're keeping him.
Expect more to come! There are no consequences to face for it, and you're not going anywhere anyway.
Kicking him to the curb would be a better solution.
But...suit yourself!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 February 2020):
 Sure, she is JUST a "mate" and they have never met up...
Maybe they haven't met up, YET but you can't be so naive to think SHE didn't send that video with the hopes that HE would be interested in meeting up... He, after all, SAVED to video to replay it OVER and OVER.
You think because this guy isn't abusive that you HAVE to hold on to him and thus accept SHITTY behavior, because your EX was abusive? What kind of logic is that?
A person will TREAT you how you ALLOW them to treat you. By being "hurt in your heart" but staying you are basically giving him a free pass here. Like whatever he did, didn't really matter. It's OK for him to keep boob movies of other women. What about other "home movies" he might exchange with this and other women? Again, forgivable?
Set some standards, OP And stick to them. Either this is OK or it's not.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (7 February 2020):
 I smell a rat! that rat perhaps your BF? What kind of 'mate' sends lewd photos and what type of 'mate' keeps it a secret from their real mate, that 'mate' being you? I doubt there is much truth to them never have been in contact either. The red flag has been raised IMHO. You may not want to leave but can you afford to 'emotionally' stay now he has brought trust issues to the table. He knew of your past experiences yet still ' chose' to do the wrong thing by you. That to me is nothing more than a shrug of the shoulders and who cares type of attitude. No one on this earth is worth living in a constant state of hyper vigilance.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (7 February 2020):
 If he has never met her how did they become mates? And is it really acceptable for mates to send each other pictures of body parts? What pics did he send her?
You don't have to accept this, if this hurts and he doesn't care, or hasn't tried to make amends, you don't have to stay in a relationship with him. Think about what YOU really WANT from a relationship and if you are not getting it from him then decide if it is worth staying or better to move on.
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