A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I'm married with 2 children(2 and 6) and have been together for seven years, we met at college when I was 16 and didn't get together till I was 21. Anyway in august I came home from work and my wife told me she didn't love me, but agreed to try and work it out. So I tried to change around the house and be the best dad but she had an emotional barrier up and was going through the motions, one Sunday I agreed to the break up and she burst into tears and we made love but the next day the barrier was up.she finaly made the decision to leave me but did not leave the house! She agreed to see a councelor but then I became suspicios, she went to lunch with her boss but she is a temp and would not have told me unless my mate had seen her, she keeps her mobile attached to her, she said she has been a doormat and deserves better, but I have never hit her, I'm not aggresive or drink. Sure things have been tough but we are young parents.I went to get a bugging device and was caught, my wife moved out to her parents and called the cops who came and said I could not have any communication with her or the kids unless through a lawyer, but my wife allowed me to see the kids.She has moved back in for two weeks until Christmas is over and then is off, she wants to get a council house and her job finishes next week.I think she is having a emotional affair, but can't prove it, I came home and said one day that things had come to light and she jumped out the shower and asked me what was wrong I went to my parents and she texted me five times saying please call me and phoned 3 times but said after she was worried about me, I challenged her previosly on cheating and she said she wasn't and that she didn't have the time but it all just dosent make any sense.Please help I'm in hell sleeping next to the women I love and she won't let me hold her! I have tried to take control to work on myself but just can't move on I love my kids and don't want us to break, I am devestated that my marrige is over. Help
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male
reader, steph007  +, writes (21 December 2010):
In this story the "cheating" is just does not matter. The real problem is the breaking off in the mutual emotional support and responsibility between you and your wife. This can work even if one of you is a cheater. Your wife exactly feels this, and this is why she is changing between worrying and refusing. Please stop nagging and questioning about cheating. Forget it. Try to build up the lost mutual care and thoughts again. This bonds you two together.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): Thanks for the response,
I have tried to talk to my wife but she gets annoyed and blames the past! She says it's like breaking a plate, you can glue it but it will never be the same.
I love her very much, I wooed her for 6 months and we had a real love story, so this is very painfull.
She is so distant and will not show any emotion, she says she wants to be by herself and she has become not a nice person.
I know I have to let her go but I am so worried about my children they are amazing and they don't deserve this.
I really don't know if she is cheating she has never mentioned her boss but my mate said he was around the same age and why would he buy her lunch she is a temp?
Many thanks
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Maybe. Apart from the possibility of an affair, it sounds like she is questioning her choices. You two got married young and quickly had one kid (7-6-9months == 3 months) tying you both down to this choice.
People tend to question things. 7 year itch? Is she having an affair with her boss? You don't give any reason why or when but it might be part of her questioning what she is doing with her life.
Presumably finacially things are thight, kids are very expensive and you are both very young. Her boss presumably is richer and has certain freedoms, what if she had picked him?
Does that mean she is cheating? Don't know. But it sounds like both of you need to determine what this marriage is about. Wether the choice you made is the one you want life with or go through break-up to find god knows what?
It can be very difficult to talk to your partners about your doubts about your partner. But talk is the key to a healthy relationship. To talk about your dreams and your disappointments. But if she were to say she was disappointed she did not try something else, it would hurt you, so people hide it inside until it comes bursting out.
I can't say if she is having an affair but you two are definlity at risk and need to talk. And taking control might just not be the right thing to do. Men want to solve things but she might need to talk, a lot, first.
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic +, writes (21 December 2010):
Her lunch with her boss without telling you
And her sudden change in behaviors like being so attached to her mobile can make any one suspicious about her though there is no enough evidence yet
If you know any one from her work try ask them about her relation with her Boss or who is more close to her wt work
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