A
male
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anonymous
writes:Hi,well am a little confused here i broke up with my girlfriend about 5mnths ago and we've had ups and downs since but like we have sorted out our differences now and tonight i casually asked her do you still care about me or miss me and she said sorry but i don't want to answer that question so i said u can be honest with me and she said am not telling you, so i said well obviously you don't then and she went i'm not guna tell you and we left it at that.any ideas as to why she didn't want to answer my question????any help aprreciated cheers!!C
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): What age are you two? You sound pretty young if you are asking questions like that. Often a lot of people just don't like to be put on the spot. she may of been hurt in the past and this is her way of staying strong. Give her time, don't ask her again and if she doesn't come forward voluntarily with how she feel then i would question the relationship. Maybe she doesn't say anything because she doesn't want to hurt you. Either way don't keep asking - let her tell you.
Take care
xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): It sounds to me that she doesn't want to tell you how she really feels for fear of letting her guard down, with you. Did you hurt her pretty bad when you broke up with her? If you did, then she's not prepared to tell you, how she feels until she knows this relationship will fly. In other words, she may not be fully trusting you, yet. And if she's special to you, perhaps you should put in the efforts of proving to her that you are worthy of her love and trust once again. Take this slow and rebuild one day at a time.
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A
female
reader, NenaUnique  +, writes (15 January 2007):
 hey..im thinking maybe she doesnt want to answer you because she doesnt want to be with you and she doesnt want to say "yea i do miss you and care for you" because it would probably make you think that she still has that certain love for you..maybe i am wrong
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (15 January 2007):
She has good reasons for not wanting to answer the question. Primarily, you are not her boyfriend so it is none of your business, and she is entitled to keep her feelings to herself. This is a way that she can maintain her strenght, power, and dignity after you two broke up, by keeping her feelings hers. Admittedly this is a closed emotional position to hold, but if she feels vulnerable about you or the break up, she is entitled to do so.
There can be other reasons. Maybe she does not care about you in that way or miss you, but feels awkward admitting that to you. Maybe she feels that way, and feels ashamed to admit it to herself, ashamed that she once cared and now doesn't. That might be confronting for her. More likely, though, is that she does miss you and does care about you, but that admitting that to you would make her feel sad and vulnerable. Maybe she regrets the break up and longs to have you back. Maybe she thinks it is the right thing that you broke up, but she still loves you, and that might be very difficult for her to live with.
I have a better question: Why do you want to know if she cares about you or misses you? What is your agenda? Is it because you want to get back together with her, or do you just want to have her inflate your ego? This is another reason for her not to answer - what I mean by that is, you have asked her the question for a reason. If you really have a good reason to want to know, bite the bullet and give her the reason. If you give her the reason you want to know, she will probably give her your answer. If you show her your heart, she might show you hers, but she has decided she isn't going to take the risk, you have to take it.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, sweetiegirl  +, writes (15 January 2007):
 Maybe she still cares about you but doesn't want to go down that road again, if you guys had your up's and downs then she might be just tring to get over you and move on as friends. just respect her wishes and just continue being friends with her, would you rather have her as a friend or go back out with her and things might not work out and lose her for good ?
Hope that helps
sweetie
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