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female
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anonymous
writes: I don't know if I should continue seeing my fiance. We have been together 3 months. I've known him for a year, but I broke up with him last year after we had been dating for about a month because I wasn't ready to get into another relationship. He flipped out and called me all the time saying how he treated me like gold and how I was "fucking stupid." That really scared me so I didn't have contact with him for six months until he called me again. Things seemed different and he claimed the reason he acted the way he did was because he missed me so much and loved me. He cried when he would say things like this, so I felt that he was sincere. The relationship the past 3 months has been good, but since we got engaged 3 weeks ago he seems to have changed into being a little more controlling and demanding. Should I get out now, or should I forget about the past (last year)? Also last year he grabbed my friend's arm and called her a stupid bitch because she wouldn't talk to him about me. I remember being scared then, should I still be scared? He doesn't talk to me like that now.
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female
reader, sweetiegirl  +, writes (15 January 2007):
 ok sounds like a abusive guy and the best thing would be to get out for your own safty, i was in one before and things got bad he uset to grab my arm and yell at me and when i started to cry he would back hand me. So i don't want to see anyone else getting hurt. If you feel scared then go with your gut, heart and head. If they all tell you get out your going to get hurt. then do it, and if all the red flags are going off saying he's abusive then follow them and go, take care of yourself and be safe
and you guys have known each other for a short amount of time, and you have gotten engaged pretty quick, I waited 4 years before i got engaged just to make sure. So yeah please becareful with him and stay safe.
sweetie
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (15 January 2007):
Decide what you want, and communicate it to him. Then see how he reacts, and if he can keep his word over the next few weeks if he agrees to what you ask for.
As for me, I would not want to go out with some one who tried to convince me that I should be with them because they treated me like gold, and then went on to call me a "fucking bitch" or something like that. That is not treating people like gold. I would also not want to go out with someone who grabbed my friends arm and called them a stupid bitch. I never behaive like that, and I don't expect my partner to do so either. If they did, they would be out the door. But that's what I want. You need to decide what you want, and you need to communicate it. Then see what you get and go from there.
Above all, I would never go out with someone who I felt scared of, or who tried to scare me. Out the door. I am also curious to know why you are engaged to someone with this history after such a short spacce of time, and someone you have such serious doubts about? You say that he has changed in the last 3 months, but the fact that you are starting to notice changes in his behaiviour shows that you are weary of how he might become, and that 3 months is not long enough to base a life long committment on.
If you take this relationship seriously, you need to tell him what your concerns are and ask what he is going to do about it. Based on what he says and how he behaives, you will be able to decide whether he can make changes for the better and become the person you want to be with, or whether he is a psyco and you should get out!
Good luck.
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