A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy online. He contacted me last November and I have seen him 5 times since then. He makes me laugh, we have very complementary personalities, and he inspires me to be a better and stronger person. Sex with him was the best I ever had in my life and he respects me if there are things I would not do. He tells me he loves the way I look, the way I think, the way I feel. He leads a very independent and busy lifestyle (often not in the country) and when he is away, I would just text him occasionally until he is free to see me again. We had dinner at his place this week. I asked and he said he was not seeing anyone else, otherwise I won't be at his home. He asked me why no one ever proposed to me, he just could not believe it. He calls me 'my love', supermodel..=). He says I am stunning and smart. So I get the message that he really likes me all this time.I am so crazy about him that before I left his house, I finally pluck up the courage and asked him to be my boyfriend last week. I have never been courageous enough to do something like this! He smiled and did not give an affirmative reply. He said he was going away for another 3 weeks (which I already knew) and will call me back when he returns to the country.I am wondering why he didn't give me an affirmative answer. I could not see or be with any other guy because I have such strong feelings for him. What should I do? Was it wrong to let him know I hope he can be my boyfriend? What does his lack of an affirmative answer mean? I am praying to the universe that he will call back and choose to have me as his girl.*confused and sad*
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Quiet Echo. I have made that point clear to those men who are after me and only separated. I am just enjoying the company as friends. Not looking for more and I have not agreed to be their girlfriend. Its very hard for them but its a fact of life, I do deserve all a good relationship can give me. What I am grateful and love about them was they were extremely truthful to me. They would never want to see me hurt. :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you quiet Echo. But the guys I am meeting are just separated , not officially divorced. I don't think it would not be wise to get involved with them for a serious relationship? One is 44 and the other is 50 yrs old. Both have kids from existing marriage.
Agree with you. I don't know what the guy friend he was with actually thinks of him. He can't be trusted. Worse still if he is a business partner. Should send some red flags! I look totally innocent, Dom scooted off in such a hurry, and seeing me a stunning girl (kept looking at me in the club to check where I am)get lied to?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you quiet Echo. But the guys I am meeting are just separated , not officially divorced. I don't think it would not be wise to get involved with them for a serious relationship? One is 44 and the other is 50 yrs old. Both have kids from existing marriage.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question
Yes, Don't contact him. Don't ask him for any explanations. Don't make any accusations... do the classy thing, am moving on.
But right now, I feel so cheated and kinda stupid. Used too. He is definitely not worth it and nothing good ever comes to those who harm others like that. Bad Karma, bad heart. No guy has ever done that to me.
Thank you for all the advice. I have chosen to see those other men who are crazy for me. One of them is already flying back from work in India just to spend the weekend with me. Dom, he never did that, why was I so blinded?
Though these guys who are crazy about me are not what I seek, I never led them to believe there is any hope. Being honest and open is good.
It's just so incredible we bump into each other. There is a reason for everything and maybe this time, by some divine intervention, I am escaping some harm coming his way.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question
Today, it is a public holiday. My girlfriend asked me to head out to a club with her, i agreed. Looking like Angelina Jolie..=). When she was smoking outside, I accompanied her, she noticed a man from far, and she said, "It's Him!". I looked and I couldn't believe the resemblance or was it really him. She called him and he text back asking where she was. He does not even know her! She asked the same question and his reply was Attica. We went into the club to check if he were there with his guy friend. If he were then maybe it is not the guy I loved.
She called him and he tried to answer the call. At this point I knew it was him. He was not in Bali!
We subtly showed out presence with the occassional look and look backs. He and his guy friend spotted us and kept looking back to see where we are while discussing something to each other. I pretended not to know them and my girlfriend pretended to watch the band on stage but was keeping an eye on them.
At the end of the band set, my girlfriend and i left and she noticed them following. All this time in the club, he never came up to me though.
we went outside and waited, there was only one exit so it was the best way to pretend to bump into him and see if he is whom we thought he is; the guy i loved.
His friend opened the door, saw me, grasped his breath. The guy I love, Dom, walked out and I said, "Dom?".
"I can't talk now love, my brother just wacked someone and I have to go and get him", he said and rushed off. Seriously, I don't think he could have run off faster. I calmly replied, "Ok". His friend was behind him and asked if he should call a taxi while Dom scooted off.
So what do you think? What should I do? I think I know the answer as I can feel my heart sinking.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 November 2010):
 A guy who reached mid 40s without ever been married is probably happy about his single status and not very keen on changing it.
Least of all for a woman he met 5 times in a year.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe guys I am dating are still not divorced, only separated with kids. Their wives are not keen on more sex with them, that is why they feel empty.
Is this relationship workable at all? I know they express immense interest in me and want me to be their girlfriend, but somehow inside me, I still feel a guy never married in his 40s is better for me. Am I making sense?
...............................
A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 I said that she is wasting her time with him...the fact that he has only seen her 5 times in a whole year means that he isn't really interested...I hardly call it premature on her part...she has done nothing wrong, she never pressurised him...never demanded that they should be a proper couple,if anything she had the patience of a saint, i think most people would of got bored by now and just left.She is better off with someone who wants to be with her and not just a booty call when it suits him...
...............................
A
female
reader, shania +, writes (31 October 2010):
Some men do have children late in life so you cant rule it out completely,but the fact that he is now 44 years old and has never been married instigates to me that he is a committment phobic....the way he is with you proves that.If he thinks your so lovely, beautiful, fantastic then why isn't he taking you on then? Doesn't add up...You have other guys falling at your feet yet this one your so hooked on doesn't seem that keen.I would let him go because you never had him in the 1st place....i know you love him and it hurts like hell but he doesn't love you and its been a year now...how long do you need to wait for someone? I think you have been very patient.
look in the mirror and say to yourself that you are beautiful,your great and have a lovely personality...because you have! Its his LOSS! Your worth it....you know you are.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhile I am waiting for these 3 weeks to pass (if he does not call I know the answer is clearly a 'No'),I am still dating other men. It felt bad at first, but since he did not give me an affirmative answer for exclusivity, I decided it is only fair to give these other lads a chance since they are very into me (some have asked me to be their girlfriend). But I am not jumping into any of these proposals since my heart is still set on this guy whom I love so deeply.
This guy whom I love did comment that he is surprised noone ever proposed to me. He said if he were younger he would have probably asked me to marry him. He is now 44. He was never married and has no kids. Do you think he will ever get married or is against marriage now that he is in his mid 40s. He did indicate that he is unsure about having kids.
...............................
A
female
reader, shania +, writes (30 October 2010):
I disagree with quiet echo because if she has known him since last november and that was a year ago! How can you say she is moving too fast? If a fella is really "In to you" then regardless of his past or he has had his heart broken....he will pursue that woman....You know why? Because your great...your special...your wonderful. Everyone has had a broken relationship,who hasn't? but you have to let go and move on. This guy doesn't want a proper relationship and i feel your hanging on to him while someone out there is willing too take you out....wine and dine you BUT whats to be with you in a healthy relationship. Do you want to wait forever for this guy on the off chance he could change his mind? Life is way too short for people who dither.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the answers. I would like to add about his past. He used to have a girlfriend, 4 months before me. His work requires plenty of travel outside the country. He is in a very high position in his company. I know he is not married but still searching online on the same site as the one we met because we are not exclusive. I want him and I to be exclusive so he can know me at a deeper level. I know he didn't find a better girl so far (checking the site daily). He will never. I look like Angelina Jolie, great job and intellectually stimulating to him, and he respects my values, I know he likes me, but is he crazy enough to give up the search and take me as the One?His ex girlfriend cheated on him when he was traveling for work. It hurt his ego bad. He found out when that guy who was with his ex-girlfriend wrote and informed him that she is now with him. That girl always wanted him around for she does not work (but I m different, I work hard and also in a great job).He knows that. She was always trying to take him away from his leisure activities and he felt bad he could not spend as much time with her. I on the other hand always miss him when he returns and let's him do what he likes e.g. Motor racing as I do not partcipate in it. He felt like a prisoner when he was with his ex-girlfriend and she always feared there was someone else. I don't think he will find a better girl, I just want an exclusive relationship so I know I am his ideal and he just focuses on me. Is that wrong to want that after 5 dates? The reason why only 5 dates in a year is also to prove to him that I can accept it when he wants his space.
...............................
A
female
reader, shania +, writes (29 October 2010):
Let him see you and dont offer him sex, give it a while and you wont hear from him again.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (29 October 2010):
You have seen him 5 times in a year, how busy and how independent people can be ???
The reason why he did not say "yes " is because he did not want to say yes . He likes the situation as it is now. Low maintenance. Very fluid. Fun and carefree,no committment,no responsibilities, no expectations. Just sex and good times.
Maybe he is not exactly using you for sex ,as Shania suspects,- meaning he does not do it intentionally, with the purpose to screw you over, to take without giving. Maybe that's just the way he is - and the way you describe him, he is no boyfriend material, and does not aspire to be it.
...............................
A
female
reader, shania +, writes (29 October 2010):
This guy is a free spirit or has a wife with kids in another country,who knows...but the fact you have only seen him 5 times since last november proves to me that he is only using you for sex.Your his booty call....if he really wanted a proper relationship with you he would of moved heaven and earth to be with you but he hasn't and he wont.I dare say he has other women on the go and it suits him.Sure he gives you lovely compliments and the sex is mind blowing...but thats all it is.He isn't in love with you, he doesn't see you in that way.I think you need to find another man who will give you the relationship that you deserve not some fly by night.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Maybe he considers you his GF as you're already having sex. Maybe he doesn't want to define things. Maybe he's playing you and just getting his kicks when he's around.
Why the need to define it? Is it because you're looking for an increased level of commitment?
You were not wrong to let him know you hope he will be your boyfriend. That step took courage and you should be proud of yourself for taking it. His lack of an answer (positive or negative) is hard to interpret. I think he wanted it that way. To keep the mystery, the thrill. He may also fear that if you become BF/GF, then he will have to call you every day, have regular communication, etc. which he hasn't had to thus far. By leaving it open like this it's ok for him to call you in a few weeks when he gets back.
"I am praying to the universe that he will call back and choose to have me as his girl."
That may also have been his goal.
...............................
|
