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male
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anonymous
writes: Was in bed with my gf last week and we were chatting. She then asked me to tell her a secret, after being pushed for a while I told her something that happened to me in my childhood, I then asked her the same her reply in a stone-cold serious face was "I have aids and I will die in 10 years" thinking it was a bad joke I replied with "I still love you anyway" and gave her a big kiss which engaged sex. But now I'm wondering that if it was a joke it was very imature and insensitive but if it wasn't shouldn't we talk about it? how can I ask her about it without coming over as a complete jerk
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female
reader, joeymac +, writes (12 September 2006):
i think she was havin a sick joke, if it were true she'd know about AIDS and know that she'd be HIV positive until her dying days when she would then have AIDS
A
female
reader, xxcat +, writes (8 September 2006):
 well i would ask her again and i would book to get an aids test dun NOW! dont just take her word for it now either way, she dont have to know about the test!
IF IT WAS A JOKE ITS SICK AND NOT FUNNY, NOT IN THIS DAY AND AGE
Please let us no the answer
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A
female
reader, jn +, writes (8 September 2006):
 Honesty is always the best key. Write her a letter if you feel timid about confronting her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006): AIDS is no laughin matter and she should have been upfront with you from day one if she has HIV.
Stop having sex to protect yourself until she gets some testing done and you get some tests done as well; this is your health and life we are talking about.
You usually have to wait six months or if you have been with this woman for more than six months; it will show.
Please take care of yourself.
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A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (8 September 2006):
 Hello Anon,
I agree with the anonymous poster below, however I think it should be reversed. It is extremely important that you talk to her FIRST. You absolutly need to know if she was joking or not - I don't think I have to explain why, right? You can do this without being a jerk. Just ask her plain and simple if she was joking. Don't get all angry and upset when you ask her, because there's no need to at that point (surely I'd be annoyed, but that'd not want to make her want to tell you, if you were all short with her, right?) Just take a few deep breaths before hand, try and relax. Calmly ask her what the deal is.
My bet is that she was joking... but really I don't know her so I guess that just what my hope is for you. Then there would be nothing to worry about except the fact that she had the nerve to shoot back a joke when you told her something very personal and real. Very insensitive in my opinion. I would definitly address this if I were you. Why would she feel the need to make a (sick) joke when you told her something very personal?
If she was not joking then you need to get tested immediately (that means today!!). And I would seriously consider being with someone who seems so selfish that they would want to pass on their sickness without fully discussing it with you first. That's horrible. There is obviously a lack of respect on her part if this is the case and you should be really considering what kind of relationship this might turn out to be - if she's so casual about something huge (life-altering!) like this.
I really hope that she was joking. Like I said I have a feeling she was. But you need to talk about that with her, too. Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006): What concerns me about this situation is that you know your girlfriend well enough to sleep with her, yet not be able to ask her if she was joking or not? Just ask her!
Why would it make you out to be a jerk? I am *guessing* that she is joking and personally would probably say something like:
"Do you remember when you told me you had aids and was going to die in 10 years? I didn't feel comfortable telling you before but I've lost 4 members of my family to aids and I was diagnosed with having HIV four years ago".
Of course this is assuming she IS joking. You know her best - what's her personality like?
Joking about aids is a pretty dark sense of humour, I used to know people that used to do things like touch bus drivers or bar staff and shout "aids" before running off or text random numbers saying "You've got aids, no need to thank me!" [yes, I knew some strange people!], haha.
If she has got aids though, perhaps my advice would be quite insensitive.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006): first thing i'd say is get yourself checked out, She doesn't need to know about it and then once you have the results you can see what kind of chat you have to have!!!!!
Alternatively, your just going to have to be straight and direct.... Ask her about the conversation that you had and ask her how long has she known that she has aids?? if she continues to divulge informtion keep the questions coming. If she tells you it was a joke take a big sigh of releif!!
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