A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girl have been dating for about 3months we go out to eat a lot and she usually kisses me when I take her home. Or just when she feels like it, when we first met she was all over me and we had sex. But she said she didn't want a relationship though its weird. But we have had sex Polly like 10 times already. But I recently asked her to go out and eat with me we had fun she made me laugh,spit out my sweet tea. Lol it was funny. But n e way I took her home later before she got out she leaned in to kiss me I looked her in the eyes leaned in and kisses her. Then she gave me a hug. But since we always kiss,date,and been makin love for like 3 months the next day I asked her. So you are my girlfriend right. And she said um not really I told you I didn't want any thing like that... I'm a girl and your friend. So I said that was cool to and told her she was my friend to and that I was glad she was. So do you think I blew it? I just thought since we do all these things all the time that she was my girlfriend ya know. I really like her and we have a lot of fun together. So what do ya think about that? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): Hi,
To be honest with you i dont recomend firends with benifits. take it from somebody who is going through the exact same thing as we speak!!i have a friend who i worked with for 4 years and we hang out, kiss and have sex. i wanted more but he doesnt want a relationship, sometimes i think i can cope with that but other times it breaks my heart because of my feelings for him. its hard to walk away when you get in too deep. i wish id have walked away when i first realised he didnt want a relatioship because now i just keep going back to square 1 with him and i know i shouldnt be but theres always something in the back of your mind that thinks if i go see them more maybe they will change there mind and want a relationship.
my advice would be walk away and just be friends i know that is easier said than done and i should probably take my own advice but somebody always ends up getting hurt in these situations.
Good Luck x
A
female
reader, boycrazychick +, writes (1 February 2009):
OMG, me and my boyfriend broke up last thursday (4 days). Me and him met at school...we started hangingout outside school and the first time we hung out we madeout and we always had fun togather basically same things you two do, we did for 2 weeks (have sex, hangout, go out and eat) and the beginning when we started talking i told him i dont want a relationship because i think high school relationships are gay, well this kid asked me if we were a couple or what..and this question was asked the 3rd time we had sex on his way to drop me off home...i said "i told you before, im not looking for a relationship" well, inside i regreted what i told him...i really did want a relationship with him, but the problem/secret was that i was to afaird to get my heart broken and also...my mom is a crazy bitch she doesnt allow me date until i get to high school, well i didnt tell him that..i just said "i told you, im not looking for a relationship" basically for two month "we were togather, but not togather thats how we saw it as"...until one day my mom found out about him and she works for the FBI, well she went total FBI on him one day when he was dropping me off at home after having sex with him at his place and we ditched last period that day...anyway it was hell and he was TOTALLY 110% freakout he started to changed...well at least thats what i thought and i started to change as well,,,in the end he said he doesnt wanna be committed to me and he broke up with me...i miss him so much. but boy, let me tell you...a girl doesnt just tell a amazing guy "i dont want to be in a relationship with u" there MUST be a reason...try to open up to her...and then slowly she'll open up to you and hopefully one day tell you the reason why she doesnt want to be in a relationship with you.i hope this helpede-mail me at [email address blocked] for furthur advice...i love giving advices
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): I think it is pretty clear, she is keeping her options open and remaining single and she enjoys your taking her out to eat and having sex.....you are casually dating, I think "friends with benefits" has a negative conotation and trys to lable a relationship as an arrangement between two adults....well you are both adults and you can make what ever arrangement you want, and yes sometimes serious relationships start out this way, usually it is the guy that wants to stay single and the girl gets her heart broken.....in this case it might be you.
I would tell her soon if you want her to be your girlfriend, and if she still says no, then date some other women, too, because I am sure she is still dating around...which is OK.....why get too serious so early on? Get to know her first, you may even want to back off on the sex to see if she still wants to be with you, and let her know what you are doing or she will feel rejected, tell her you want to slow things down and build a friendship first so you have a great foundation for your relationship as lovers.
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A
female
reader, kliciouss +, writes (1 February 2009):
 haha i feel you on this. this guy i dated for 3 months asked me the same thing. he said "so we are together right?" or something like that and guess what i did: i laughed in his face. i know sad, right? i thought it was a joke. lol
i had told him i didnt want anything serious before and that we were having fun, but he really liked me. i dont think you blew it yet. she might feel a little awkward and less close to you after you said it, but nothing as big. if you really want to pursue her, be persistent. still do whatever you guys are doing but add a little boyfriend material in there somewhere. i.e. surprise her, listen to her problems, etc. dont over do it though because she might be scared off since she doesnt want commitment. if she sees that best in you, she will accept. if she doesnt, take it for what it is and have fun.
my ex was persistent and we were together for 6 months. goodluck!
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A
male
reader, 24yeahright  +, writes (1 February 2009):
You didn't blow anything. It sounds like the girl has issues.
Sounds to me like you'd like her to be your official girlfriend, but if things are good between you two then just keep doing what you're doing :)
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A
male
reader, Skintooth4 +, writes (1 February 2009):
 Well it seems to me as if your "friends with benifits" so to speak.
If you like this girl and want her to be your girlfriend, then tell her so. You will feel much better getting that off your chest. But if shes just enjoying the sex and the time you spend together than I say just enjoy it... cause it doesn't happen to everyone.
So to sum up.... If you like her, tell her so, and if she doesn't like you, but enjoys the time you spend together (I.E. Sex) then I say don't worry about it too much and enjoy it for what it is.
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