A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have written here before asking for advice and I tried to take th advice but I'm still feeling the urge and fighting so hard to be happy - I can't seem to get over my ex- it's been close to a year - it was a short relationship and he wasn't let's just say the classiest guy- I've stopped creeping on him on social media- I've gone to therapy - I've tried volunteering - I've tried just about everything and I feel thise waves of loniness - I saw two months right away he found someone just like right away I was the girl that replaced the one before me- my therapists has told me that's none of my concern anymore - that he didn't know how to respect me- but it seems like my cycle of wishing bad on him or wondering about if he is gonna be with this other girl or not or this and that doesn't end until I find someone else- I can't even go on favebook anymore because my hearts sinks when I see them- why is this - I've been in longer relationships and this guy I only dated 7 months- logically I get it - I should not worry about it - it wasn't anyhting - my therapist says I would have never been happy with him but I just feel so weird- alone - hopeless - and the irony I seem to attract and surround people that are just as self destructive as me- I've given up on dating but I at least want to be happy - any tips
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 January 2017):
 I think your problem is that you are lonely more than the fact you cannot get over this guy. You are building him up in your head to be much more than he was. Maybe you relied on him a lot for company and friendship but honestly I think now you are just stuck in a rut, feeling down in the dumps and lonely.
Instead of working to get over him, work towards making new friends. Do new activities. Visit the sick and lonely. Whatever it takes for you not to feel alone in this world.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (15 January 2017):
 Well done for trying so hard. I am sure if you compare how you feel now to how you felt immediately after all this happened, you will realise how far you have actually come. Everyone gets over things at different rates, and over different people at different rates. It doesn't seem to matter how long the relationship was; sometimes short relationships take the longest to get over because that person touched some part of us nobody else managed to reach. That does not mean the relationship would have worked in the long run. I believe people enter our lives for a reason. Try to figure out what lesson(s) you can learn from this short relationship. Is it to choose partners more carefully? Is it to take your time falling in love, to wait until you REALLY know someone? Is it, perhaps, to learn to love yourself? Or to learn to be able to function without being half of a couple? Once you have learned whatever lesson this person was sent to teach you, you will feel empowered to move on and forget him - regardless of whether you are alone or in a relationship. By the way, learning to love being alone is VERY empowering.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2017): The loneliness and emptiness you feel not being with someone comes from within. There was a point in my life that I felt the same and I honestly started to believe that I was never going to find someone again. The people I wanted were out of reach and the people I attracted I never wanted to be with. This is when I decided to embrace who I was and the possibility of never finding anyone that suits me. I learned to love myself and just love life and that I didn't need anybody else to feel happy. Happiness truly comes from within and I know it's hard to see that when all you feel is alone, but stop thinking that someone else will bring you happiness because then you will never find it. It took me a long time but once I found happiness in myself and the people I had the perfect guy literally came out of nowhere. I am so happy that I had that period of my life to really find my happiness and self confidence because now it keeps me in a good place in my relationship not only with my boyfriend but with everyone around me. I am overjoyed to have these people in my life now, but I also feel secure in myself knowing that I would be ok without them, and I even feel like it makes me appreciate them more.
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