A
female
age
36-40,
*utterfliesarefree
writes:Recently I wrote about the affair that I had ended I've been working really hard on keeping busy etc but last night I broke 'no contact' and text him. What should I do if he replies? Should I just ignore it and carry on with NC? I've tried deleting all his contact info but I know it off by heart so its no useI'm trying to think of all the negative things he's put me through to try and make my heart see him for what he is.My brain knows he's no good but my heart tells me otherwise
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female
reader, amazingk  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 The NC rule. It's necessary to kickstart the process of moving on, but it doesn't do anything to mend our souls and purge our hearts of these "men". If at all possible, stick with it. I've had my fair share of engaging and later breaking the NC rule. At the end of the day, you've just got to get to the point of being truly DONE. I mean so done that 'it wouldn't matter if he had to sit in the next cubicle by you at work, you still wouldn't glance in his direction' kinda DONE. And that kind of done doesn't happen magically after 60 days of avoidance. Sometimes it takes going for rounds 2,3, and maybe 4 before it sinks into your head that that man is a douchebag loser that doesn't deserve to breathe the same air you breathe, much less be in your presence.My point is that if you're determined to get over him, you will. It will take time, but as long as you're honest with yourself, and working towards letting him go instead of looking for excuses and reasons to engage with him, then eventually you WILL overcome. Then you won't be thinking about contacting him, or thinking about not contacting him. Thoughts of him won't even occur to you. When you've achieved true indifference, then you've gotten him out of your system FOR GOOD.
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (25 September 2011):
 thats the spirit! you can do it and you will feel so much better for it
best wishes
x
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A
female
reader, butterfliesarefree +, writes (25 September 2011):
butterfliesarefree is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the replies I really appreciate the time you all took to reply.
I am just going to have to try and be stronger on thurs I was dying to text but got past it and let it go
I don't want to come across as needy and pathetic to him b/c that's not the kind of person that I am at all
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (25 September 2011):
breaking up with someone can be like kicking an addiction. you just have to not give in to your craving. just roll with the feelings you have right now and KNOW that you will not always feel this way. just be stronger every time you feel like picking up that mobile to send a text to him.
my tips for getting over some one ...
write down all their bad points and the hurtful things they have done to you
this is good because it gets all your thoughts (that may be a bit jumbled and confused at the moment) out of your head and down on paper
read them back to yourself, especially when you are in a 'craving to text' mood
delete all contact details, keep away from places you know he'll be at, resist any urges to look at his facebook page, don't get involved if your friends want to update you on what he is up to, just tell em you don't want to talk about him yet.
dispose of any gifts or souvenirs that remind you of him. if you don't want to part with them permanently just box them up for the time being and put them out of sight until you are feeling less raw.
see your family and friend and plan fun things to do with them. having nice events to look forward is a really good way to feel better about life.
if texting was a big part of your relationship with him, change your phone's text and ring tone. sounds silly but it works!
if you have slept in your bedroom with him, decorate it or at least get some different curtains and bedding to change the look of the room.
don't feel bad that you gave in to temptation. breaking up is never easy. missing someone after a relationship is an unfortunate side effect to being capable of love!
just promise yourself that after this hiccup you will be strong enough get back on the no contact rule again
x
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A
male
reader, GoodDog +, writes (24 September 2011):
 First, I'd like to say don't be too hard on yourself for breaking the 'NCR'. It really is one of the most difficult things to put in place and stick to.During a split with an ex-girlfriend some years ago, I was told about the NCR and thought it would be easy - the next day I was writing a text making some poor excuse to see her...then a few days later I wrote an e-mail with another poor excuse to hear back from her. I was doing everything I could to just get some sort of response from her. However, when she did reply it only built my hopes up and made me feel even worse than I already was. So, in the end I deleted everything - phone numbers, e-mail addresses, etc and put all the photos, little gifts she gave me, etc away in a box. I then made a list of things I would do to focus on - trips away, new hobby, etc. Anything positive for me to work on and do by myself. It was bloody hard and at times I thought it would never work but it did. Spanner 28 has given some great advice already, and I'm sure, in time, you will be able to look back at this without feeling the pain or torment you are today.I hope it works well for you - stay strong!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 September 2011):
 He now knows that you are desperate.... Sorry.....Good luck...
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A
female
reader, butterfliesarefree +, writes (24 September 2011):
butterfliesarefree is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAww gurl you're amazing maybe one day ill send you a message with the full story its too much and too personal to post here x
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A
female
reader, butterfliesarefree +, writes (24 September 2011):
butterfliesarefree is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou're amazing seriously girl I decided to do no contact more because I need to get perspective. I am not a needy person I'm usually very Strong but he has such a hold on me. And he knows it. When we meet he treats me like gold and then just starts blowing hot and cold I feel like my head will explode but your advice really is amazing :) thank you so much
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A
female
reader, butterfliesarefree +, writes (24 September 2011):
butterfliesarefree is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou are such a amazing person I really need your advice I've even book marked this page now so I can re read it when I feel I need to
I've tried the time limit thing but I always make excuses for him it was his bday yesterday too
I just have to accept that nothing will change but its so hard I wish I was as strong as him he is the master at n/c
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A
female
reader, butterfliesarefree +, writes (24 September 2011):
butterfliesarefree is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your quick response I'd love to wait for him - I know that if I wait long enough he'll make contact but with him he can go 5+ weeks without making contact and I hate that so much he makes me feel like I mean nothing to him and after all our history I can't believe that's true every day is torture right now
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