A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:are me and my bf falling out?im 19 he is 21 ..just began working..ever since he's started working in a different city(since4 months) he has been busy with work ..he used to call and text a lot telling me he misses me more than his parents and everything ,when he comes to visit we used to make out..but the past one month his work has gone hectic.,double shift mon-sat.!!he had a financially insecure childhood and an alcoholic father,always told me that he wants to make loads of money and not let the same happen with his children.does this mean he is going to be a very money minded person all his life?..i am still a student and don't really know what it is like to be working morning to midnight..but somehow i have the feeling that he has lost interest ,its been 1 and a half years that we started going out.we are very serious about getting married in future..but now i have this strong feeling like he doesnt care,he says i dont show doesn't mean that i dont love you!..i heard from many guys that if a man really loves you nomatter how busy or what..he would call you everyday!..he reads my texts however..(he doesnt have an sms pack back there and always low on balance)Has he lost interest because i had a few fights with him due to my possessiveness??is it that he is sick of me..??these hard feelings along with the fact that he is so less emotional frustrated me to no end and i feel like we're going for a pitfall!my raging love for him has disappeared..its been ages since we talked romantic..!!but this problem i see in all couples who have dated more than a year!i feel a total lose of grip!he says "you know right i am not myself lately..life is tough..im slogging and stressed honey"does stress have such a huge impact??!i am not at all demanding ..all i expect of him is love and faithfulness..if we are on the verge of getting into an arguement he says"don't fuck my mind"...does love alter for men because of one or two fights?he talks so plain to me...even though i pamper him with sweet treatment!i know he loves me because he is the kind who would never hesitate to confront about a break up..but is it that sooner or later he will realise he is bored of me?i'm trying my best but he is not giving me enough chance to make things exciting like before!what should i do to bring him back on track!?my girl friends say you should ignore the guy untill he is craving to talk to you..but i feel in his case this would be counter productive because he is away working his ass off and living a hell of a life ..he has to do everything alone there..when he was here his mom used to do everything for him.moreover he is a bit..not exactly jealous but kind of feels that i'm at a lucky period of my life ..student ...free bird and also we don't have financial difficulties as his family..so i feel so sorry and want to show love and make him feel better ..so i kind of mother over him and boy he is too pampered my me..that he just enjoys the love without bothering to reciprocate!!WHAT should i do..i feel hurt!and miss him :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much dear aunt i am kind of relieved now! :') i'm glad...finally i think i know i'm not illusioning that he's stressed ...in love things which are obvious always end up being judged wrong by me ..so i always feel like "no..you are blind in love and just assuming him to be innocent"and whenever i hear about someone cheating..who is very unlikely do so esp. or people falling apart i feel he is capable of the same!the distance is killing me :( and yeah you are right ..when ever i bring up this or any issue to him,he takes it like i'm criticizing him no matter how nicely i put it across and he gets into a defensive mode,saying things like "am i such a bad boyfriend","everytime you come up with the saame shit and every single time i have to do this..im tired of it","trust is the basic thing you don't trust me"..and the best one is "this is how i am ok.you know me""ultimately making me feel like a doubting girlfriend who isn't trying to understand him at all!and then towards he brings out all my faults to the surface leading to an argument..and i don't know how even though i have so so much to put across to him,i become mum and have nothing to say.. :( no one can ever beat me at arguing ...but when its him i automatically become submissive and switched off! and all the bottled up stuff come out as tears ..i'm the last to cry./and then says i cry for everything ...my tears also have lost value because of that.the last time i sniffed on phone i lied to him that i have cold ..he knew very well i was crying ..but i didn't want to give him a chance to say i cried again for no reason..but i just feel like crying because things are so plain now..i don't mind it much being plain ,my fear is what he will feel!what if one day he wakes up and thinks this life is boring..one main thing is he doesn't show any symptom that he is bored of us ...i don't want him to be with me and be bored i'm afraid he'l forget that the boredom is because of his lifestyle and not me!guys never analyze things deeply...what if he thinks he's bugged of life and forgets to understand that its not because of me!when we are together ,hanging out,or romancing,everything is perfect and sparks fly..when he's gone the sadness creeps in and slowly insecurity and possessiveness follow..:( for him its always the same..!why am only i like this?
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 Stress can do this to people. It sounds like he is working quite a bit and he is slowly pushing you to one side. I think he is doing this because he realises that you are enjoying being a student at the moment yet he is at a different stage of his life. He wants to make plenty of money and make sure that he is not in the same position as his family. It is a good thing but he also needs to make time for himself so that he can enjoy his life and enjoy parts of your relationship.
I have a feeling that if you try and bring this up to him he will get defensive and it will only start an argument. He is just under lots of stress and the distance probably isn't helping the relationship either. I guess you both need to have a good long talk and see where the relationship is heading. Next time you meet him talk and ask him where he sees his future and try and come to some arrangement which suits you both. Giving him a little bit of space would be a good option as well. Just so he can breath a little and relax. If you are feeling unloved well then let him know.
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