A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together almost 6 months. I'm very happy with him. He is consistently supportive and thoughtful and treats me so kindly and respectfully. He recently got a new job and it started today. His previous job didn't have much of a future for him to grow and his boss was considering downsizing. However, I knew all his coworkers and none were a threat. They were older married women or men. This job was pretty stagnant, so we were able to talk frequently during the day although he was unhappy and stressed about work. This new job just started today and he wasn't able to text me at all until he got off. I understand completely that he wouldn't be able to but I'm worried it's going to become a pattern. I'm starting to miss the stability and predictability of his old job. Tonight he showed me his welcome packet for the new job and it had everyone's picture in it. It was a mix of men and women also in their 20s and 30s. Everyone (not even over exaggerating) was very attractive. He said how nice everyone was. I'm sure some of the girls that work there have boyfriends, but now I'm worried he will be working longer hours and make these cool new work buddies and get closer to some girl there that he decides is an upgrade or something and ditch me. He's in recruiting now so he has to meet with people for lunches and network. But I won't lie and say that doesn't bother me. Backstory: I've been told I'm attractive, but I've never been very secure about my looks. I know how much I care for him and support him, but I've been ditched many times in my life when friends or boyfriends find someone new and more exciting. I always worry because I'm the stable loyal person that often gets left behind. Based on what I know of his past relationships he stayed in them too long and never seems to tire of anyone. He's very dependable and stable. He doesn't seem like the type to get sick of his loved ones. He's also quite shy and not flirtatious at all. I try not to tell him about this worry because it's not fair. I want him to be successful in this new job and happy. But I can't shake the fear that he'll bond with some girls there and forget about me.
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co-worker, flirt, shy, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 March 2017):
 Honestly you need to work on your own issues. Your boyfriend has no issues. But it sounds to me like not only are you not confident about your looks but you also don't trust your boyfriend not to get with someone else. Believe me if you don't get help with your issues this relationship will never last.
A
female
reader, Slippers  +, writes (28 February 2017):
I can relate to this as my friend went through the same with her bf so here my advice and it worked for them .. it's okay to be honest about missing his textes ..it's not that you want a text relay back and forth but you would feel so good if he could send a text mid morning it takes only a minute and you would send one text back until he can text at lunch . Then he does the same in the afternoon .. it's okay to want contact .. as long as long as you both agree that it's what you both want .. just tell him you miss him texting you know he can't as much as he did but just one midmorning and afternoon would be so lovely .
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 February 2017):
 I meant " mowed down by a truck " of course :)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (28 February 2017):
I think that maybe you wrote us for reassurance and deep down you want us to re-state the obvious : your bf loves you, he is not a player, he is dependable and stable, etc. etc. But you know that already.
I'll play the devil's advocate , instead, and I'll tell you : sure, there's a possibility that what you fear will happen. Not a big possibility, the odds are low, but hey , it could happen. It is still possible.
So ? what are you going to do? Lose your mind and poison your life because something you have no control over ? Not very smart.
That's akin to, never driving anymore, or never crossing a pedestrian crosswalk, because you could be mowed down by a trick ,and die. You could. But what can you do ? You do your best ( drive safely, cross on a green light only... ) and hope for the best.
Maybe you could try to prevent harm by never leaving your house anymore ... But, oh wait- domestic accidents. Lots of people get injured , or die from falling down a staircase, or getting electric shocks, or choking on food... what are you going to do, never climb your staurs, never use appliances anymore , never eat anymore ?...
We cannot control everything, and freaks accident happen, even to good people who do not deserve them.
In the meantime, we live, and enjoy our days the best that we can. Without thinking- oh Gosh, I can be dead any second.
You do the best you can , . in term of relationship, by being the good , devoted, loyal companion that you are, and by keeping giving him the love and care that you already give him, - and then just stay in the moment , trust, and hope for the best.
I understand that you feel that in his new job he may have more temptations than average, but that's not necessarily true. Temptations are dangerous for who is ready and willing to be tempted. If he should get wandering fever, or a sexual itch, or a bout of couple boredom- you can bet he'd find attractive and tempting the ladies in his church, the cashier at the supermarket, your 65 y.o. neighbour.... It's not attractive girls ( or boys )who make you want to stray- it's your wish to stray that makes you see as attractive whomever you happen to meet.
The only way you could totally eliminate competition , or temptations, would be to keep him locked with you at home 24 / 7. But that ,not only is impossible, but also would backfire very soon. Love is a free choice that we renew every day. If this freedom is taken away , there's no love anymore.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (28 February 2017):
You need to focus on your own life and find something to do besides waiting on a text message. Confidence comes from within and he can't build that confidence for you. Find a job and if you already have one then find a hobby. If you already have that then find another one. You have no reason to say that he will forget you, as everything you said about him seems reasonable. He's clearly trying to better himself and he even wants you to be excited for him. What's your hold up?
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