A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hello, i met some one she was honest with me, she told me she has had herpes for thirteen years, not on medication, but now she is, an we only been seeing each other for three weeks, used condoms, yes I've told her i am very worried about it, it's been really romantic, we both have said that, it's in our eyes,yesterday I met her daughter who is becoming a nurse, we talk about it, i told her of my fears, well today I got a dear John letter, so did the daughter convinced her to quite seeing me,cause of my fears,later this month i get my yearly physical, hope i didn't catch it, was i acting to paranoid, i even went to see a public health nurse
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2017): You were never going to be the person she thought you were.
Its just crossed wires and ignorance but you have nothing to worry about now.
This frightening episode in your life is over and we all wish you well in finding the correct life partner for you!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2017): You seem extremely self centred . All you have said the entire time is I hope I didn't get it . You hat about me me me . Never any mention of this woman's feelings or working together. Why did you even date her
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2017): hello am the one who ask the question, she ask her daughter to talk to me,so I talked to her, she acted like there wasn't anything to worry about, exscuse me it something you can't ever get rid of,an how long would we be together, well she dumped me last night, she said, i couldn't deal with it,i just hope i didn't catch it,she was really nice it's to bad it didn't work out
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2017): Ughhhh ou acted like a jerk . Not because you didn't want to catch herpes . You could have talked to your doctor about the best way to approach that . What you did wrong was you firstly breached her confidentiality and secondly you treated her like an outcast.
Btw have you EVER in your entire life had a cold sore . Even if it was 40 years ago ? Because if so you carry one of the herpes viruses in your body just like 80 percent of the population. It's probably type 1 which usually affects the oral area but it could be type 2 which usually affects the genital region . ( each can live in
Either region ) and YOU potentially could pass herpes to an unknowing woman during oral sex
So I guess if you ever had a cold sore you better be warning women about you herpes status huh and I wonder how you would feel
If they go talk to your relatives about it
What an absolutely disgusting way to behave . You didn't deserve her and I hope she finds someone who sees her as more than a skin condition
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 February 2017):
 You had your doubt when you first heard about it and then you went around and ASKED her DAUGHTER? Instead of talking to your OWN doctor about HOW to stay safe or simply NOT date her?!
I don't think her daughter convinced her not to date her, I DO think YOU convinced her to end it now. My guess? It's been as STRESSFUL for her as it has for you.
IF you have doubts or fear in the beginning about something like Herpes in a partner - MOVE on. Don't go around and ASK the people around her about it. Sheesh.
And it IS OK to not wanting to get an STD (at any age) which is why you should NOT have had SEX with her barely 3 weeks in when you are still fearful and having doubts. You should have
1. gone see your doctor and had an ADULT conversation to hear about what OPTIONS you have when having a partner with herpes.
2. decided if those options and the risk is WORTH it for you.
3. NOT go question the partner's CHILD (even if she is adult) about her MOTHER'S STD status!
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (28 February 2017):
I do wish you'd capitalise and punctuate properly. Your posts can be really hard to understand.
Are you saying that you discussed her herpes status with her DAUGHTER. I think that breach of confidence alone would be enough for some people to dump you. I know that the daughter is training to be a nurse but it's still not really appropriate for you to discuss her mothers sexual health with her.
And what "fears" did you discuss with this daughter - worrying about contracting herpes yourself is one thing but if you expressed doubts about her integrity or sexual past, I'm pretty sure that a decent daughter would certainly have reported this information back to her mother.
So if I'm right about you discussing matters with the daughter - I think this woman has made up her own mind to dump you. I don't think the daughter would have to do much "convincing" rather than just report the facts.
You do realise that you have a pattern to your behaviour. don't you? You start dating a woman and pretty soon you start questioning her integrity or motives. And then you proceed to SELF-SABOTAGE your relationship
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2017): You got the dear john letter because the daughter realised that the way you see her mum is totally through the light of a dormant virus carried by millions of people who rarely see the disease.The best thing you can do is to leave her alone now.Because people really want to be seen as less than a social parahia.The mum doesnt have years to reeducate you and it isnt worth it anyway.This one is a miss so aim yourself elsewhere.Dont go running back making an "I'm different now statement" because it took you a long time to be who you are now and a 24 hr think wont change fundamentally held beliefs!
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