A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:OK, so not sure how to deal with this one.Been married 8 years, but together for 19 years in total, met in August 2003.Over the past few weeks, my husband's become interested in 2013. But it's not an obsession with 2013 as a whole; one particular thing about the year. Well, three things, really.He's become in tracking down someone he knew in work from April 2008 to July 2013, and the guy just seemed to have disappeared. Nothing on him online, no social media, nothing, according to Google.He got on really well with this guy, who was 33 when he left in 2013, he'd be about 42 now IIRC.I only met the guy about three-four times, usually at Christmas dinners when spouses and partners went, my husband works for a small charity working with kids who have Down's Syndrome. The guy was nice enough, was a Goth but never acted like the stereotype, was as far from it as you can get. Yes, he was a goth who listened to Justin Bieber, Madonna, etc. and was fans of the Kardashians, so not like the stereotype at all! He was a nice guy all-around, and people said he looked "like a goth George Clooney, with some sexiness too", and my husband saw him as a positive role model. They really, really got on well. I knew the guy's fiancee too, got on well with her, but it was a shame I only knew her for 6-8 months before he left the firm in July 2013 due to his contract expiring. I know exactly why my husband wants to do this; he found old photos when we were sorting through files the other day, digital "keep or trash?". There were around thirty JPEG photos of us with the couple.I'm not against him wanting to find his friend, but at the same time, this has lead to the side effect of my husband wanting to re-live 2013's culture and music again; he's already wanting to meet Barack Obama, who he never got to meet in 2013 anyway. As it were, he was always an Obama fan, considered him "a cool guy". My husband was a huge fan of Obama, although some decisions he really disagreed with. He was a fan of Obama the same way some teenage girls are about K-Pop idols, no joking there!! He still really wants to meet Obama and talk to him like a human being, not a fanboy. Thinks he's got some things in common with him but doubts they'd ever have a friendship due to differences in status and wealth between them.I want to be supportive, but equally, I don't want my husband to be seen as a stalker or arrested for stalking, for his ex-co-worker, not Obama!!Am I wrong to be even a little concerned?Granted, I've had times when I've thought about trying to find an old schoolfriend I knew from 1998 to 2002, who I last saw in August 2002, when I was 20, but I've never actually gone that far, it's simply been daydreams and nostalgia. I don't know if she's even in touch with ex-schoolfriends, but she was someone I really got on well with.What's the best solution to this problem that's a win-win for both of us and is kept legal, safe, clean etc.?
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christmas, fiance, goth, his ex, stalking Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2022): We are living in a world of divisive politics, toxic racism, campaigns spreading lies, crazy conspiracy theories, psychopaths running for political office; and evil racist-clowns have been elected to seats in government!!! People are packing pistols and threatening those who disagree with their agenda with violence and harassment!!!
You're worried about your husband trying to look-up an old friend?!!! He wants to meet Obama? So what? He doesn't want to meet a foreign dictator, or be pen-pals with an incarcerated serial-killer.
It's normal for people to seek-out lost family, classmates, old flames, and missing like-minded friends. You are aware of the times, right?
A lot of people are becoming radicalized, joining crazy cults, and have dug-in their heels to resist the truth; and will gang-up on anybody who tries to uncover or stand-up for it! He's looking back on a better time, and kinder people.
Be concerned when he's online searching for a way to join subversive groups that are being investigated by the FBI. If he's trying to join racist organizations, anti-Semitic institutions, and other groups out to create anarchy and social upheaval.
He's not looking for another woman, he's apparently not sweet on the guy, and you've met the person. I'd relax and let him search until he decides to give-up.
Once your husband has determined the person is permanently off the grid, might be incarcerated, doesn't want to be found on purpose, or happens to be dead; then he will give-up his search.
I don't understand your concern, when there is so much worse???
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2022): If it's only been a few weeks, not to worry. He may be unhappy, though,
and wanting to remember a better time in his life- but it was your life, too!
It's been hard for everyone, and Covid, too.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (21 March 2022):
 You haven't written anything that seems overly concerning. It seems like your husband has been doing some internet sleuthing to find this old friend, and if they truly were pals - it isn't creepy that he'd be trying to get back in contact.
As for the yearning for 2013, I can't blame him. It was a simpler time. Pre-pandemic, pre-Trump, pre-war... it sounds like your husband is having a nice time listening to music and wishing he could meet one of his role models. He's not like, writing Obama a letter a day, is he? Just wants to meet him someday, have a little chat, tell him how much he admire him? That sounds pretty normal. I think most of us have celebrities we are dying to meet (personal shout out to Dick Van Dyke).
I wouldn't worry just yet, but go ahead and write again if things start to get weirder!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2022): Hello
I don't quite see why you would be worried about your husband trying to find an old friend. I imagine it happens rather a lot these days. How could it be seen as stalking if he hasn't even found him yet? I presume he hasn't as you don't mention they've been in contact or met as yet.
"What's the best solution to this problem that's a win-win for both of us and is kept legal, safe, clean etc?"
I also don't understand how him trying to find an old friend could be illegal, dangerous or dirty? Am I missing something?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2022): Another fake question. It's getting a bit tiresome, isn't it.
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