A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i have been married to a black man for 20 years. my problem...well...i am not black and when we go places together i always get the snobby,rolling eyes and staring hard at by black women. some who goes as far as trying to flirt with my husband bluntly in front of me as some sort of retaliation or something. anyways, we always get into arguments behind their behavior. (not all black women but their are a majority)my husband says that i am being insecure and inferior of black women!! excuse me but inferior,insecure??hmm, i dont think so!! i dont wear no hair weaves or extensions to be something that im not!! not trynna disrespect or offend nobody but i do have great respect for strong and powerful black women in our society who makes a difference but black women who are disrespectful and cant except black men dating out of their race i have 3 words for those who cant comprehend to the changes of the world today,"get over it!!!!" do you think im sitting back looking at men of my race (doesn't matter what race i am cause they do it to any race they see black men date)dating other races and being disrespectful for their choices..?? no, i commend them with an heart warming smile!! interracial may offend many ignorant and arrogant people with an exception of being closed minded. interracial is beautiful and if you can get pass the negativity mentally...well...it just might teach you a thing or two. educate yourselves without being so hateful towards one another and be open minded because learning about other cultures just might teach you to be a much humbler person and how you look at the situation!!
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (26 October 2010):
I am a white nordic man and I am dating a Colombian women. You'd be amazed at how poorly white women treat her when they find we are dating. I'll tell you the same thing I tell her - they are only acting that way bc they are insecure and threatened. The best medicine is to throw your great relationship w your husband in their faces. Dont be jealous of their advances to your husband, act as if you are taking pity on them.....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): In addition to others being cruel, My hubby himself has a major control issue. This is the first time that I have ever stepped out of my race, I do believe this relationship is different then any that I have4 ever been in.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno i dont think im trynna please black women but the ones i do know on a personal level we do have a connection. once people get to know who i am on a personal level the vibes suddenly changes and it can be with any person of any race. i dont make this issue a top priority b/c family, (especially mines)is more a factor than any thing else and i have let go but just wanted to know what others thought not meaning to make it such an uproar. when i was younger i never got along with girls of my own race and found that i got along better with blacks and mexicans growing up.(and yes i did have white and asian friends as well) and when i did get involved with my husband i assumed it was gonna be the same as i was younger.(learned something from that too) and like i said all this happened at the beginning stages of my relationship and we are still walking and standing strong now then ever which i give all praises to GOD!! i do apologize to everyone who was offended but wanted to set the record straight about who and where i actually from and not what cupid posted as my title! i love learning about other cultures and respect them as long as they return the same treatment if not.. its no biggie.. i just pray for them! thanks again for all the response i really appreciate it!happy 2010 and may we all start this new year excepting the abundance of Gods blessings of love, peace and happiness and in good health,wisdom and wealth!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwow,its nice to get other peoples views about my topic. i respectfully thank those with their honest opinions. unfortunately to the black women who responded with their views about me making the statement about hair weaves and what not im gonna clarify with you why i made the statement. first of all i myself is not a white female ( as cupid title for me on my topic)i am a pacific islander who are also recognized as minorities in america.(definitely cannot compare to the struggles of years of slavery of black people) i am brown colored skin with a culture similar to africans. unfortunately i married a man who thinks of him self of a narcissist(because of that i had years of defending myself as an individual in a abusive relationship mentally,verbally and physically) which means i was constantly put down by him(who was a drunk most of the years we were married,now rectify his addiction to renew his life in order to have a bond with the children.not just me.) not as an individual but as a whole culture.(this was all happening at the beginning of our relationship,now,its a little different) so, in defense (which does not justify) when he does say im inferior i use the hair weave thing. (just a way to get back at him for putting my race down.)look i do hair weaves and extensions and have plenty black women who are not just good friends of mines but i also have a host of relatives who are black.(may not mean much to some of the readers) and no to the person who says maybe i have a bad attitude. no, because i always greet with a smile regardless what race you are. i have always carried myself in a respectful manner b/c i like to treat others like i myself would like to be treated and thats with RESPECT! i too commend those who date out their race because its not just love but it broadens and educates you about other cultures. i am a humble person who cares and have nothing but love to offer!! and in my trials like i said was at the beginning stages of my relationship. now,its different i am older and wiser and dont focus to much on those who choose to not except but still able to greet with a smile. my topic was asked because now that i am able to handle it better unfortunately i see it happen to other women of a different race and speaking on behalf those who been abused by this type of treatment. oh yea now that my husband has made the change in his life..life's been good. God truly blessed us to be able to raise our children on a strong foundation now built on LOVE and RESPECT and thru it all...it was definitely a learning experience which i wouldnt change for the world because of the knowledge i have gained along the way and the beautiful people i met along the way (which happens to be mostly black people)who has supported me. i am also proud to say that thru it all...one of my oldest has been offered a scholarship to attend a prestigious university to play football. so, i hope maybe i was able to provide some background for you to go by and my topic was only addressed to black women who dislikes interracial relationship to even women who are minorities too....not all black women have this behavior and those who do except are very down to earth women....thank you to those beautiful black women who loves me for me!!!
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A
female
reader, queenbee1987 +, writes (28 December 2009):
u need help!!!really get over yourself!you wanna know why us black women come off strong because of ppl like you! im black i like white guys i get the same treatment you get by white grls and black grls.,,
20 and you still worry about that!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009): Celiaaletta: nobody here even mentioned anything about Hispanics. Why are you running when you are not being chased? The original Poster said 'I don't wear weaves and hair extensions [like black women] trynna (sic) be something I'm not'. She being a white woman also has people in her race who enhance their breasts, butts, lips, and even hair to try and look better too, like black women do to their hair. "The pot calling the kettle black" basically. Beyoncé, Halle Berry, Diana Ross (I could name them all) are all more insecure than this white lady because they wear weaves? Seriously?! Don't get me wrong, I support your marriage to a man of any race, I am mixed myself, (white father, black mother), but getting personal is not going to get you any support. Your own children are also classified as black and if you have a daughter she will probably wear weaves and its nothing about insecurity, its just a hairstyle. [edited post]
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2009): Judging from the quality of the English written by the Original Poster of this message, she is on the lower levels of the socio-economic ladder. Even during the cracker days, the poorer folk are the ones who touted superiority more than the wealthier ones. Insulting our hair when white women stuff their breasts, butts and lips to look like us is a little hypocritical, don't you think? If black women are giving you looks it is in response to your bad attitude. If you come around black folk acting all superior then you get what's coming to you. Your husband is right; you ARE insecure. Next time you get what you think is a look, why not try smile back and say hello? You might be pleasantly surprised.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2009): I read an article about this. Black women don't like it when black guys marry outside of their race.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (25 December 2009):
As a black woman who is engaged to a white man, at first I was sympathetic until you started insulting black women (weaves etc which I don't wear by the way). If you can, please read these two sites; it will be worth your time. This first one has comments by a white woman with your attitude, a black man and a white man:
http://open.salon.com/blog/jeff_wilder/2009/09/09/an_open_response_to_white_woman_vs_coloured_woman
The second has comments by two white women in your position:
http://academic.udayton.edu/race/05intersection/gender/sister.htm
Once you have read these posts please comment on/update your original post then we can get this party started!
Merry Christmas (oops..!) Happy Holidays :-)
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (25 December 2009):
 As a black man in England, I tend to smile at the word inter-racial. Inter and racial. Are we two seperate races -not both of the human race? So white people and black people are DIFFERENT RACES? What, like we're human and whites are not, or vice versa?
Inter-racial is a social term, and makes little or no scientific sense. There's not much we can do about it, because it is deeply ingrained in all societies. But it's just a thought.
Just a thought.
I have dated a few black women, and many of different colours too. With all of them, as with my current partner who is white, it's smart to be respectful of where we socialise, for both our sakes. There are places where she is stared at, where black women will wonder what a white woman is doing there, and why is she with a black man. That is simply something that happens, due to her skin colour next to mine. You have to get used to that, and after 20 years, I know it's not right, but it happens often.
The reason that your husband doesn't see how you feel, is because, even in 2010, EVERY day, hundreds of times, he is made to feel the same as you do. For black people in predominantly white societies, this is life.
For a white woman in a predominantly black situation, it is a snapshot of how social groups judge a person, based on skin colour, as opposed to character, or personality, or values, or upbringing.
The problem is all around us. We all need to see the person inside, not the skin colour on the outside. We are all the same, even if we don't look like it. DNA reasearch PROVES everyone on the planet can trace their ancestry 95,000 years back to Africa, and back to a black person.
I do not understand the 'inferior, insecure' statement. I would berate him over that. He should know better.
PS, Merry Christmas.
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A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (24 December 2009):
 I am a product of a mixed race marriage. This was 40 odd years ago. My mother had a hard time. In the 21st century I am having problems understanding why you are experiencing this. i must admit that some black women can come across quite agresive like. Its their way and manner. Having lived in Jamaica for a number of years, it took a while for mne to understand them. They do often feel threaten by other attractive and women who are different as they are very protective towards their men. They probably feel that you are threatening. I would not take it so personally. As time goes by you will learn how to deal with them as I did. there are loads of interracial relationships now. It must be the places that you are going that is causing you to stand out and dont fit in.
Reconsider where you socialise as it sounds like it is really bothering you and may have an effect on your relationship.
Happy Christmas!
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