A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello CupidI am sorry it is going to be long but I really need the help. I can not concentrate on my studies for some time now.There is a girl at my university (different courses) that I am dating for about 4 months and I do like her alot. I am 22 and she is 19.I am not attracted easily to people so I know a person first before I can actually find someone attractive. The same goes for her, we discussed it and decided to take things slow.The problem is that I always have to do all the hardwork. I must come to her and approach her at university. Sometimes she will just wave at me when she sees me and sometimes she will be lost and even when I approach her she will be little distant. (Tired or didnot sleep well last night or maybe if I didn't text much yesterday or I don't know why)Secondly, suppose if she is with friends, I will have to pull her (actually hold her hand and take her away from friends ) and then talk to her alone. (She doesnot mind I do that).She would not make an effort herself.Also, I must have to text her and engage her in conversation else she wouldnot write me. When I do write her, she always writes me back. Sometimes she takes her time like few minutes to three four hours to reply and if i engage her, she will continue talking to me even for hours(talking to other people too at same time) unless if there are chores to be done!If I say, I have to go, she will just say okay and I will go! Even on text, if I say, i have to go or she has to go (she doesn't go away in person but talks to her friends coz her group won't leave us alone and eventually I feel awkward and go away), we both just let each other do what we want (no questions asked). We don't try to stop each other from doing what we like even if we want other things or want them to stay.I have had talks with her twice about she can contact me when she likes and it is rare that she will initiate converstation. When I talked to her about it, she will do it for a day or so and then we are back at square one! I know if I ask her, she would say she's been busy but if I had written to her, she would have replied! But if I'm texting her a lot and asking to catch me a lot, she will start to initiate but that's rare!The other day I had deep talk with her and and I told her that I like her and why I am attracted to her. I further mentioned, I am not looking to go too ahead into future and want to see where this goes (although I do want to see her in future ) She told me she takes time and I am patient so I am good. Further she mentioned, she doesn't know what she wants!Also, every time I try to get into a serious conversation , she is serious if it doesn't directly concern her but she will laugh it off (so she doesn't have to answer) if I am referring to her. Moreover, this time too I had to take her out on date and do everything myself. Planning, calling her and all. ( it's rare we go out on dates due to our busy schedules. We went around 6-8 dates till now but we meet almost daily in person )At other time, she told me she isn't into mind games and she does not need to do anything to get attention when I teased her jokingly if she wants me to do hard work.I am fine if she says , I write her and that I keep on approaching her and if she wants me to do all the work. But I at least need her to mention it so I don't feel unwelcomed or trying too hard. ( I know she doesn't like to ask for help or look needy)Now when she doesnot write me or I don't see she is trying ( when I'm doing everything), I feel as if she is not interested.The thing is if I'm constantly talking to her (in person/texts), we get on very good terms and then I get frustrated when I don't see her doing anything really to contact me or doing anything really to make me feel appreciated. If I ask her that catch me at this time, she does get back to me. Also, if I ask her, save a seat next to her, she does that. ( if there's some exhibition or something where anyone can attend at university)Also, if I don't talk to her much, I find her distant because I'm not initiating! So we are continuously going very close to distant and I am not sure what to do ?what are my options and do you think this would work if I continue pursuing her or call it a day?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2014): You seem to be obsessing, and the whole interaction as you describe it makes no sense.
It sounds like two teenagers in high school. It also sounds like you're being jerked around; because you chase after her like a puppy. So she's toying with you.
If you act like a boy, you'll be treated like one.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, she contacted me asking how have I been; what i am upto and explained why she was being away when i didnt contact for two weeks! What do I make of this ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2014): It sounds to me that she just wants to be friends. Nothing more. Or maybe she needs a bit of space. Give her some space. Let her call or get in touch. If she doesn't for let's say a week, then move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2014): There are 3 types of girls.
1. Easy
2. Playing hard to get
3. Hard to get.
Easy. i don't have to explain. You know what easy means.
Playing hard to get=meaning they like you but they want to play it safe.
Hard to get, probably because of her culture how she was brought up could be different from yours.
Maybe in her culture, women are supposed to just wait for men to initiate.
Or maybe because of bad relationship experienced she had in the past. You never know, maybe someone from her past treated her badly, that's why she's cautious now.
Or probably she just really don't see you as more than friends. how can you tell the difference.
She likes you when she still responds to you.
when you see her enjoying your company then there's a big chance she likes you, the way you like her but just have personal issues.
If she stops responding. Man, she don't see you the way you see her.
Now about your problem, Its not really an issue. Men are supposed to initiate. Unless you become her bf that's the time you demand her to initiate to contact you.
You are still in the process of creating a good impression to her, why are you expecting her to do the things your doing for her at this point and time when you don't have the right to demand for it, yet? she's not your gf. your not his bf. So why would she contact you?
Trust me in her mind, she's doubting your sincerity.
if you want her to contact you, then do what you need to do.
Make her your gf. When she becomes your gf, man, every hour expect a text from her. Expect a phone call everyday from her. Until you get sick of it.
Then the next problem you will have is how to get rid of her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI forgot to mention that she told me few times I never trouble her and I can contact any time.
Moreover, once she told me relationship is lots of hard work !
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