A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Even though this isn't a relationship question, please, please help me. This is bothering me so much that I am literally almost in tears as I write this.I hate my legs, so much that I have become depressed. I am cursed with the most freakishly enormous pair of calves in the world. I would gladly give up ten years of my life to have slim calves just like everyone else.I am desperate to make my calves and thighs smaller but I am so discouraged by what I read! I realize I am going to get flack for being ''shallow'' but this is REALLY bothering me! I HATE my ugly legs! My calves are way too big and out of proportion. It's bothered me all my life but lately I just can't bear it anymore. I can't wear any stylish things!! Knee boots are very much in style right now and I absolutely LOVE knee boots and long to wear them but it's impossible to find a pair that fits. I want to feel attractive but I feel overcome with self loathing and jealousy when I see other people wear stylish things and I have to wear dumpy, ugly old flats and unstylish sandals. I know how shallow this sounds but I want to wear cute knee boots so badly that I'm upset all the time. I've read that it's impossible to make your calves smaller... there are ways to make them LOOK smaller but that isn't good enough because I'll still never find a pair of knee boots to fit me.People are going to accuse me of being exaggerated but my big ugly calves are making my life a living hell. I feel ugly because I LONG to wear stylish boots and can't... it's bad enough that I'm cursed with ugly calves but on top of that I'm relegated to wearing ugly clothes. I have read about this but there is so much contradictory information I don't know what to believe. I have read more than once that it's impossible to make your calves smaller... but I can't bear this anymore. I have struggled to accept it but I can't.The thing is, I'm not obese. I've been to all these doctors for advice about how to lose weight and they say that my weight is perfect. My friends describe me as skinny... but very few people have seen my legs as I always wear long pants or skirts. I could probably afford to lose ten or fifteen pounds, maximum. I would like to have a boyfriend but I don't think anyone would ever be interested in me sexually. I feel like people want a partner they're sexually attracted to and if I were to get a boyfriend, I wouldn't be able to feel secure, knowing that some whore with slimmer legs would come snatch him up and he would abandon me for her. If I had a bf I wouldn't be able to enjoy him because I feel insecure about how I look. It makes me feel jealous and insecure to see women with nicer legs (that's 99.9% of all women on earth!)and wonder why anyone would ever be interested in me. It makes me feel inferior and ugly not to be able to wear stylish things... I hate the matronly, ugly flats and sandals... I don't want to wear anything except boots and I can't and I feel like an old bag! I can't wear anything pretty and I feel like a dog.Please don't tell me that some people like big calves. I hate them and I feel like I was meant to have slim legs and I feel trapped in the wrong body. As a woman I need to feel beautiful and these big ugly monsters below my knee remind me that I'm not. I would never kill myself but I literally almost want to die because I am so sick and tired of feeling ugly!I am desperate for a way to make my calves smaller as this has gotten to the point that I can't bear it anymore! Is there any surgery that could reduce the size of my calves? Is there anything less drastic? Please don't tell me how to make them LOOK smaller becuase that's not good enough; I would still never be able to fit into cute things. Thank you if you can help me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2013): I am amazed at how differently you view this from me. My wife has similar calves and legs and she is way stronger than me in the lower body.
Sometimes, she could make me fly on her legs, sometimes on one leg, sometimes just on the calf. I love having someone in my life who is so much stronger than me and both of us love this part of our sexual life.
You have to accept who you are, with all the parts of the package, and look at the positive in this. Consider that your legs are going to be the strongest pillar of your relationship...literally too. :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011):
You are who you are. Odds are, your calves aren't as unattractive as you think they are. My wife is a ballet dancer and although she is thin she has really big muscles on her calves and thighs. Sometimes she gets down about it, too. However, I love that she is so strong and toned. Girls with skinny spaghetti legs aren't interesting to me at all. Lots of gymnasts, athletes, and dancers have bigger than average calves and thighs and yet somehow they are perceived as sexy by many, many men (and women).
I think you are making a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be. I read that Britney Spears was upset that her big calves were airbrushed to be thinner for a magazine. She said (paraphrasing): "I worked very hard for those calves. I want people to see them."
Trust me when I say that you are being self-conscious about this. Your own friends said you are skinny. Maybe you don't have the calves or thighs you want to have, but we all have parts of our bodies we would like to improve. Focus on your assets and ignore the parts that bother you. From my own point of view, I think that skinny calves mean a woman is lacking muscle tone. I love my wife's muscular legs.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (5 July 2011):
 Knee boots will come and go out of style. don't base your self-worth on a fad. I don't mean to minimalize your feelings regarding your calves, but the way to make yourself beautiful is to embrace difference. Most guys don't want a barbie. Men don't typically choose women based on calf size. GOOD guys choose them based on personality.
I believe that hiding your calves is actually holding you back, because you say that people think you look good but they've never seen your calves. Hiding them actually enables you to stay self-hating. Do you want to continue that lifestyle? You sound like you're asking for help, so if you don't, continue reading.
Those calves, that hatred you've had for them, in some form or another has become integrated into how you define yourself. Take a few minutes in the morning and at night after you wake up and before you sleep to greet every part of your body, starting with your head and go down to the toes ("hello, head, hello, neck, hello, breasts,etc). As you deep breathe and touch the part, recognize what it does for you, what you gain from having it, express your thanks to it. try to think of new uses every time you think of the part and make it positive. acknowledge you won't have this body forever. someday, it will just be bones, ash, or dirt. How unfortunate that those cells were exposed to your own degradation while it was at peak functionality. Choose to love what you have in this world while you still have it; appreciate the impermanence of what you have, while you still have it. recognize a body is a utilitarian vessel that doesn't speak to all we are. WE decide who we are, how to interpret things, how to change or accept our bodies.
Take the summer to slowly expose your calves to the world. start slow, with skimmers or mid-shin skirts. Thank them for being willing to help you grow and accept yourself. Move to capris. Tell them you're proud of them for being so bold. Spend a week in shorts and mini skirts. Hug them. The thing is, the person who cares most about how you look good or bad is you. probably half the population in your workplace wouldn't notice if you wore the same thing twice in two days because they're too busy being concerned about how THEY'RE coming off to society. By not only realizing that you still have a support system, people who care and love you in spite of your legs, but also that you can become your greatest support system, should show you that you are a wonderful beautiful person who doesn't need to be The Body type, just Your body type.
I know my suggestions seem a little Out There, but if you're not wiling to try something new, you may never break the cycle you are facing. Be brave, and do something good for yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2011): Oh Sweetheart! My heart goes out for you. But no, hope is not lost. I've got--and I do not mean to sound egoistical, or vain, because this took years of work--fantastic, thin, curvy, muscular legs. Because I began, at the age 13, roller blading! (Inline skating.) Inline skating is a wonderful exercising. It burns more calories than many other exercises! It's just behind running and has many benefits that running doesn't have. Skate for 1 hour a day. That's all! You'll notice results fast. I do it everyday. It's really fun. It's fun and peaceful and feels good. I've never been sore or anything. I notice that if I stop for a week, my pants are too tight! That's how well this works. They really tone them up. It's amazing. Roller skating works muscles that walking, biking, and running don't get. Look it up. Don't fret :) Good luck!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 July 2011):
 "I would like to have a boyfriend but I don't think anyone would ever be interested in me sexually. I feel like people want a partner they're sexually attracted to and if I were to get a boyfriend, I wouldn't be able to feel secure, knowing that some whore with slimmer legs would come snatch him up and he would abandon me for her."
ouch so now any woman with skinny legs is a whore because she could potentially steal an imaginary boyfriend?
sweetie this is not about your legs... this is about your self-loathing... if it was not your legs I am sure you would find some other reason to not have a boyfriend or feel good about yourself.
I wonder how bad your legs really are....yes there are women with thick legs and calves no matter how thin they are but it's usually not as noticeable as that unless you have a disorder called lymphedema which really gives you terrible horrible huge legs... perhaps while it's not perfect it's not as bad as your brain perceives...
there are many ways to dress attractively to play up your strong points and camouflage your bad points... talk to a professional dresser for advice...
my suggestions:
1. talk to your doctor make sure there is no medical reason such as lymphedema for your leg size
2. if there is no medical reason, talk to a plastic surgeon who specializes in legs and see what options he/she suggests
3. consider some cognitive therapy to work on self-acceptance and self-love and determine if your interpretation of your body is accurate...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2011): Hiya, I may have some advice that could help.
I'm getting married in August and despite all the training I was doing (I'm 163 cm and 52kg so quite slim) I couldn't seem to tone my arms, at least not the the extent I wanted to.
One of my good friends is a personal training and she recommended that I get a biosignature assessment. It is a program developed by Australian Charles Poliquin and basically suggests that where we store fat is directly related to hormone imbalances. I don't know too much about it to be honest but it really worked for me.
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A
female
reader, klapure4 +, writes (4 July 2011):
 Hey. Don't beat yourself up over your calves. I have big calves as well, and have struggled with finding boots that fit. Sometimes it frustrates me when I walk into a store and I can't buy the boots that I want because their too tight around the width part. But I've decided to do something about it. Recently, I invested in a fitness club where I'm working up an incline on the treadmill or cycling which has helped to minimize the fat in my legs. There are so many ways in which you can alleviate the muscle or fat content with a less expensive procedure like exercise. Talk to your physician or fitness guru about different options. I'm not fat either. I weigh about 160 lbs at 5'3 and thus far, the workouts have helped me. I feel more confident when I wear dresses that show off my leg, and more hopeful that the muscle in my legs will decrease and tone up as a result of the exercises I've done. There are ankle boots on the market you could wear if you can't find calf boots that fit.
As females, we all have our flaws in which we choose to do something about it or we don't. I may not totally love my calves, but I've chosen to embrace them because they are apart of me as you should. Please don't feel depressed about it. I really hope you figure out alternatives that suit your needs.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 July 2011):
 I hope you never move next door to me, my husband would be hanging over the fence every chance he got.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (4 July 2011):
 If you can not slim your calves by diet or excercise, then you might want to consult a plastic surgeon. Find out your options and risks involved.
If the size of your calfs is NOT due to fat, then its MUSCLE. You would have to REMOVE muscle to change their appearance. I would think that would remove your ability to walk!
As for boots, you can check out a website in the US called www.shoes.com that DOES carry WIDE CALF BOOTS.
You want to measure your calf and look for SHANK measurement for the calves or look for boots with hidden elastic panels. Ive seen some really nice designs for the fall/winter.
Beauty DOES come in all shapes and sizes. The real change will come from how you think of yourself. You may have a condition called Body Dysmorphic Disorder, which is how your mind views your body, or parts of it as ugly or unacceptable. Have you considered talking to a counselor regarding your feelings about it?
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