A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I started going on dates with this guy in May, and we are still just going on dates. He doesn't call, only texts, to ask me out. In between I don't usually hear from him. But I can just expect him to text once a week. Consistently inconsistent. When we are out we act like a couple, so that's pretty sweet. And I definitely like him A LOT. He'd been in two 5-yr-long relationship, so I don't know if he either 1)knows what he wants and knows I am not what he wants and thus doesn't commit, or 2)wants to take things slowly. Signs are all the opposite of promising... But my biggest excuse for him is that he's in transition (looking for a job after grad school). I know I know, life is and will be full of uncertainties. But I am also 90% certain he's not seeing anyone else; probably just focuses on work. Anyway, I want to ask but don't think it's the right time, while inside me I am just super impatient and don't know what he wants! Any chance this is actually going somewhere? Possible to get him more interested? Should I wait more or just drop it?
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (12 September 2013):
 Is it possible that there is a another woman? Usually in a new relationship, the calls and messaging are excessive. I would do some homework before assuming that he is just broke. Usually when there is another woman they keep low profile and less contact, but all over you when they are with you.
Rather safe than sorry, do your homework.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): If he is a grad-student in transition, has it not occurred to you this man is unemployed? Probably collecting unemployment compensation? Maybe has no steady income at all?
He can't afford to take you out and he may only text; because he probably owns one of those track phones with the prepaid service. He may have limited usage.
In any case, you should take it slow with any man you meet.
Liking someone "a lot" is not enough to give yourself permission to "fast-forward." Take your time, so mysteries reveal themselves. That way, you don't fully invest your feelings before you know what you're getting yourself into.
Whenever you see red-flags, you proceed with caution. You take steps like you're walking through a mine-field.
It's easy to attribute a man's caution to commitment as fear. It is the general presumption among women. Women have a more emotional approach toward entering a romantic situation; men may choose logic. He may like you a lot also; but his employment situation and budget may limit his actions. This is also a red-flag.
Your first reaction would be, you don't care. You can work with that. Nope. That would be sooooo wrong!
You wait.
You allow his feelings to catch up to yours. You wait until he to opens up, and reveals who he is; and what he's all about.
That may not be easy for him; because he may not wish to scare you away. Or he is ashamed to be broke. Don't be so quick to give your heart away. That's how many women get hurt so easily.
This is where you should use your logic and ability to reason; in order to control your heart. It will spare you the disappointment; if he doesn't turn out to be the guy you hope he is. There too many unanswered questions.
You're only 90% sure he isn't seeing anyone. I think 100% is better, if you like him a lot.
Keep talking to him, get into his head. See him as often as possible.
Don't fall until you know more about this mystery man. He only let you know a few things about himself. You don't know his source of income. Apparently he hasn't invited you to where he lives, and you have to wait to hear from him.
Now logically, that spells "c-a-u-t-i-o-n!"
I wouldn't quite put life on hold waiting for any guy. You keep living and being you, until you know how he'll fit into your world. Don't be so quick to invite him in; until he invites you into his.
Good luck, my dear!
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