A
female
age
,
*rainache
writes:ok,some of you may have read my "His daughter is ruining our relationship" He has now left our family home,i've heard enough tosh to last me a lifetime,he has now gone against everything he has said and is moving to "their" town "because it's cheaper and he loves it there,not for any other reason!!!!" so i told him to go there an then,i think we've put up with enough b***s**** and i'm sick of him messing with my kids,(19 and 16)they feel hurt and rejected,so he can bog off an get on with it and i hope they'll ALL be very happy,I feel angry at the moment but glad it's all over,we've been in the same house since he told me we were finished and it's been hell!,i've had a breakdown,and depression and anxiety,i am now on i feel the right treatment,and can hopefully pick myself right up and get on with my life,BUT the big question is HOW?? when you've been married with a family for so long you loose your identity and i have no friends,I certainly do not want to date and feel unsure of my path,after being soooo low and down it's taken a huge effort to just breath at times.Ive read more books on self esteem and inner peace than you can imagine,but i would love some ideas that don't cost too much from people that have been here an done it,i can't be the only one who would love to go to support groups but can't find any,even putting in country walks i'm too old(44!!)or it involves dating (yuk!!)any help??on anything?? to get me through this would be appreciatedThankyou,
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (19 July 2007):
 I split with my husband after 21 years of being together and I have to say whether you wanted it to end or not, the effects are devastating. I know what you mean when you talk about breathing, it does feel like that and it can be very hard to function some days. It took me at least 6 months to get even remotely back on track. I worried constantly about money and the kids and what my family thought. I also lost touch with some of our mutual friends, which was very difficult for me (some I had known since I was a child). Eventually though (and after I had sorted myself financially) I decided that I wasn't going to live in my shell for the rest of my life. I started a new job and made some very good friends. I decided very early on that going out clubbing wasn't for me, just felt at 39, I was a bit out of touch with it, but I used to arrange nights out with friends and just enjoy a good meal or a relaxing drink in the pub.
That was almost 3 years ago and even though there are still worries about what the future holds, I am definitely a much stronger and out going person. I have dated a few men and have made mistakes along the way, but I have learned from them and am not worried if I meet someone or not (eventually someone great will come along). I have shared some good times and good company and it boosted my confidence no end. Little by little it comes together.
As for you joining clubs and groups, well your never too old for that. I haven't joined clubs but I have tried lots of things with my new found freedom. Ive gone paintballing, canoed, travelled to america by myself to do white water rafting. I have tried quad biking and play badminton frequently. I swim and write and do photography.
Get your finances sorted first (dont forget to apply for your tax credits and single persons council tax reduction, it all helps), make sure the kids are ok. Work out a budget so you can manage and then think about all the things you would really love to do. Fill your time with hobbies and interests and just be kind to yourself. Let any bitterness go and just bring harmony to your environment, however difficult that is. gather your friends and family around you and ask for help and support when you need it. Your still a young woman...get out there and start over...
and keep me posted.
Aunty Em xxxxx
A
male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (19 July 2007):
 I got divorced at 40 after 24 years as a couple. All the family friends went with her. The kids went with her, and alot of the money went with her. What I got was my control back, and it was worth every penny and friend. When I moved into my apartment I met a girl 10 years younger than me and we started dating. I won't go into details, but that relationship taught me alot about relationships. I got hurt and needed a break from love, not that I got one though because I met someone else right away, 15 months later I was out of that one. Give yourself sometime to recover from the relationship. If you need sex, don't be afraid to date, be upfront and tell them you're not looking for a relationship right now. Try to keep your boyfriends away from your kids until your more certain that things will work out. Enjoy life, do your hobbies, find friends through your hobbies. Think back on the things you thought you would love to do when you were younger. When you start to do what you want and what is right for you, your self esteem will return.
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